


What would I be without you?

by Direga



Series: The Iron Bull Adventures [1]
Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Angst, Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, M/M, Nostalgia, POV Alternating, POV First Person, POV Third Person, Pirates, Tal-Vashoth
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-18
Updated: 2016-01-19
Packaged: 2018-03-31 04:14:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 39
Words: 54,455
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3964006
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Direga/pseuds/Direga
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is a collection of one-shots and possibly small multi-chapter stories. Expect every story to have some sort of The Iron Bull in them.<br/>Rating may change and tags will be added with future chapters.<br/>UPDATE: Setting this work as completed due to mainly to the fact that it has several different relationships and each update would only focus on one most of the time. I understand that it could be frustrating to some, so I'll stop updating this work and create separate works on different series which will deliver what it says on the tin.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Nostalgia (M!Adaar/Iron Bull)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a short one. There was not much to write about it, but it got to my head today and had to write it.
> 
> Male Adaar in this one-shot is a real Tal-Vashoth, unlike the ingame Adaar that always lived outside the Qun.  
> This story happens the first night after Coryphius defeat in Skyhold.  
> I might use this Inquisitor in other stories, we shall see.

Bull was quiet next to me. It was the first night they spent together after their victory against the darkspawn magister and Bull had every intent to show just how much he loved me, both emotionally and physically. Especially physically.

We had just come down from the afterglow, I had an arm over Bull's chest and Bull had one arm keeping me next to him, it made me feel safe. It was a relationship without many words, the only word we would use to express our feelings for one another was Kadan, but it held all the meaning we needed and I liked it that way, and so did he.

It wasn't strange for Bull to be quiet after the act, but he would usually have a smile on his face when we were cuddling, but today he didn't. He had his eyes closed, but I knew he wasn't sleeping yet because he was breathing fast.

 "Is something wrong Kadan?" I asked, frowning a little at the sight.

 "No" he answered.

 "You know, the 'answer truthfully to every question' rule doesn't apply only to me. I can see something is bothering you, you do trust me don't you?" I said. Bull opened his good eye to look at me. He almost looked sad... my heart clenched.

 "It's just... Corypheus is dead. If I was still Qunari I would be able to go back to Par Vollen". Bull stated, not looking away.

 I was not expecting that. I lifted my head involuntarily and opened my mouth slightly. If Bull had remained Qunari would he had left him? Bull must have read my thoughts because he added "Not that I would give you up. You are my Kadan, I would not be able to leave you behind".

 Then it hit me. He missed the Qun a lot, of course he did. It was not the same for me, since I actually decided to leave the Qun, but he was forced to chose between his chargers and the Qun and he would have preferred to have stayed in the middle road for as long he could. Unfortunately it was not to be. I lifted my hand to his face and stroked it a little, feeling his beard scratch my hand. He closed his good eye again, no words needed to express what we both felt. I, however, had something that would make him feel better. I started humming a Qun song, a lullaby to be precise, that my Tamassran would sing at night when some of us that trouble sleeping.

 Bull smiled and make a low chuckling noise. He just held me tighter and started humming the song as well.


	2. Exceeding Expectations (M!Trevelyan/Iron Bull)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I thought that a m!Trevelyan warrior would not have as much combat experience since he comes from a noble house, at least not as much as Bull, so Bull would do his best to train him. What Bull never thought possible was for Maxwell to be able to beat him fair and square on a sparring match, even after a few months of training.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Changing my writing style to see what is more comfortable for me. I also tried writing some combat, which I must say is a lot harder than I thought and it ended up being shorter than I hoped it would be, but I hope you will like it anyway.
> 
> I'm thinking of writing some angst next, or maybe smut (can't say I feel ready for that, but I should try at the very least).

Maxwell shifts in his bed. The sun started to cast light on the cold room of Skyhold and he wanted to sleep for a little while longer. However, he could not go back to sleep. Not a week had passed since the last time he and the Iron Bull had spent the night together. Maxwell knew he was attracted to him, but they have a casual thing going on and he knew Bull would probably cut him off if he tried to make things more serious. Why was he attracted? Though question. It was not only his physique, if that was the only thing he would have no problem keeping it casual. There was something else beneath the Qunari that just called out to him. Maybe the way he treated his Chargers? His dedication to his job? Well yes, but there was also the months of training he had done with him to make him a better warrior. He had grown to know Bull better over their matches and cooperation during battles outside Skyhold, and he knew he was a good man at heart. Courageous, caring and sincere.

Sincere... at first he doubted The Iron Bull was really being sincere with him. How could a Qunari spy actually be sincere about himself? Even if The Iron Bull was just a persona he (though he) used, he didn't seem to be lying about the stories he told him about his time back in Par Vollen and Seheron. When Bull told him he burned out after a particular mission in Seheron and turned himself into the re-educators Maxwell knew that Bull was kind deep down.

Maxwell frowned. He shouldn't be thinking about this. Keep it casual, or you risk losing him.

He heard steps coming up the stairs to his quarters. Maxwell sighed and got up, getting dressed for the day. While he was dressing he heard a knock on the door and a messenger told him that he was expected at the war table. He knew he was a bit late, probably spent too much time thinking about Bull. He dismissed the messenger saying that he would be there soon. It's time to be the Inquisitor again.

* * *

"Enough", Maxwell stated after his advisers kept discussing for an hour without going anywhere on how to deal with a noble that could provide some needed resources to be Inquisition. "We're not going anywhere and it's late. let's think about this over the night and present useful solutions tomorrow morning". The day would last for barely a couple of hours and he still wanted to do something before nightfall. All his advisers agreed and left the room. All this talk was getting to him and he needed to clear his mind.

"I need some fresh air, perhaps Bull will be up for a training session", he said to himself, turning around and heading to the exit on the main hall. He greeted the nobles that still lingered on the main hall and to Varric that was sitting on a table. When he reached the exit he looked down to the tavern, his thoughts wandering back to Bull. Sure enough, he saw him picking up a sword and a shield and heading to the sparring ring, looking at him with a smirk. How Bull seemed to know exactly what Maxwell needed was beyond him, and every time he asked Bull he would reply with the same answer: "Ben-Hassrath". Like that's any answer... still, he needed to clear his mind from the day's work at the war table, so he smirked back at Bull and headed down. On the way he also picked up a sword and a shield, performing quick movement with them to get used to their balance.

He noticed the Chargers also approaching, talking between each other, most likely placing bets on the outcome. He knew most money would be placed on Bull, since Bull was more experienced and stronger, but lately he knew they also started to place some on him, and for good reason.

*

Bull looked at Maxwell, watching the muscles on his bare arms with an appraising eye. He sure was getting fitter and gaining some bulk, their training sessions were doing their job. Over the last month Bull had to stop holding back to keep a challenge for Maxwell, not that he could match him in strength but he was finding ways to improve his fighting style in other directions.

They looked at each other, waiting for the other to make the first move. Bull patience proved victories, as Maxwell moved fast towards him. His stance was perfect, it was going to be difficult to hit him so he concentrated on blocking for now. Maxwell side stepped to his left side, taking advantage of his blind eye and trying to hit him on the flank. Bull had foreseen this, however, already moving his shield to his flank and attacking with his sword in full force. Maxwell must have seen that he could not dodge, so he blocked the sword instead. To his credit he managed to stay on his feet, sliding a little on the ground. Bull had expected to stagger him for a couple of seconds but he stood solid like a wall.

"Impressive footwork" Bull remarked. Maxwell looked at him, green eyes showing concentration and determination.

Maxwell pushed his shield up, forcing Bull's sword to his left and moved quickly to Bull's right side under it. Bull underestimated the strength Maxwell possessed and his arm made an arc for a second. However, it was more then enough time to be hit. Maxwell hit on the back of his knee with a kick and bashed his shield with all the force he could muster on Bull's upper body. Bull lost his balance and fell back, seeing Maxwell's sword at his throat mere moments later. 

Bull's mouth was agape. He had never been defeated by a non-Qunari before on a sparring ring. However, instead of shame he felt pride and something else he couldn't quite identify for the human. Bull smiled softly, and Maxwell helped him up. "Good job there. Want to go for another round?" Bull asked, massaging his shoulders.

*

They trained for what felt like an hour, Maxwell started to feel exhaustion on his body, but his mind was clearer. He was not able to win against Bull again, but he was satisfied that he managed to do it once for the first time. He and Bull agreed on meeting later at the Herald's Rest for a night of drinks, apparently Krem won quite a sum of money for betting on Maxwell on the first match and wanted to buy him some drinks. Maxwell would not deny the lieutenant, knowing he would find some way to get "revenge" if he refused.

He needed to take a bath first, however. Some habits were hard to lose and one of those was to have a relaxing bath after a hard day. Not that his days on the Trevelyan house were particularly hard, but dealing with nobles could be exhausting. Now that he also exhausted his body with training in the sun, well... a bath with some aromatic oils was a luxury he would try to keep. He had found a particular mix of herbs that gave a smell of petrichor, one that he had loved since he was a young boy, which apparently Bull loved as well. After the bath he went to his quarters to change and made his way to the tavern.

Upon reaching the tavern he was greeted with a wave of cheers from the Chargers. He had become close with them, even before he and Bull had anything going on. The Chargers didn't seem to change the way they talked to him after he had become the Inquisitor and be appreciated that. Maybe it was when Bull noted what be needed to relax. Maxwell sat near Bull and drinks started to appear before him, not really questioning who asked for them as he was already accustomed when they were celebrating something, and apparently his first victory against Bull deserved one.

*

The night went by, when everyone now slightly drunk and Maxwell singing alongside the Chargers. The Iron Bull looked lazily at Maxwell, smiling to himself how he seemed so at ease with his Chargers. If he had to settle with someone, he would like it to be him. They had a casual thing going, but he was starting to notice some hints that maybe Maxwell wanted it to become more serious. Normally Bull would cut the relationship before that happened, but now he was entertaining the thought of letting it happen. It would bring some complications later, he was almost sure, but then again so would his Chargers. He was too emotionally attached to them and he knew it. He would deal with that when the time came.

A few drinks later his Chargers started call it a night. Finally, Krem also decided to leave, congratulating Maxwell one last time and throwing a joke about his "pillowy man bosoms". Then Maxwell gave out a sigh, Bull eyed him and feared that the conversation he was trying to avoid was about to happen.

"Bull, we need to talk", Maxwell said looking at him, his eyes focusing on him.

"My room then" Bull answered, grabbing the Inquisitor and tossing him over his shoulders, minding his horns. Maxwell protested, but he could do nothing. When Bull reached his quarters he let go of Maxwell and closed the door, waiting for him to speak.

"Bull..." he said, biting his lip as if in thought. "I know we have this casual thing going on, and I really like it" Maxwell frowned, trying to find the next words. Bull smiled at him, which prompt a confused face from the Inquisitor. He was so easy to read... "What?" he asked.

"We do have a good thing going on, but you want to take it a bit further, am I right?" Bull stated. Maxwell just nodded, waiting for him to continue. "I would normally cut the relationship when this happens, however..." Bull paused a little, teasing the other warrior, whom just frowned, showing fear and hope at the same time. "My chargers seem to have taken a liking to you, so I guess I will accept it. I would be a shame to lose such a good sparing partner anyways, especially if he can actually pose a challenge to me" Bull said, smirking, letting some lust into the last part of the sentense.

Maxwell seemed surprised, and somewhat aroused too. He approached Maxwell and kissed him hard, pushing him towards the bed.

* * *

Bull groaned a little, waking up. He felt his left side heavier than normal, and hotter. "What?" he thought, looking to the side. He found Maxwell curled against him, head on his shoulder, with his mouth open and sleeping soundly. He knew humans liked to sleep together with the ones they care for, but never understood why. How could he? The Qun didn't allow them to be together more than necessary to satisfy one's needs. But now, watching his lover sleep next to him made him feel lighter somehow, like it was right. He used his left arm to pull Maxwell closer, smelling the petrichor that defined him so well.

Yes, this felt right.

 


	3. What I was without you (M!Trevelyan/Iron Bull - 1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This involves The Iron Bull leaving the Inquisition after the death of Corypheus, without saying a word. However, years later he has to come back and emotional mayhem ensues.  
> I intend to continue this particular story line. We will see where this goes. I'll also favor more but smaller chapters than less and bigger ones. I find that it burns me out less.

Maxwell could not believe what he was hearing. Bull? Or Hissrad, whatever, was arriving at Skyhold within a day? The report was from a reliable source and it appeared that he was in a bad shape and being followed.

How does he even expect to be received at Skyhold after he left without so much of a _see ya_. Maxwell was mad, angry even. Still, he would not deny entrance to the only man who he truly loved once. Not until he can beat him up and… NO! Remain calm. He surely does not want to remain here for long and only came here as a last resort. It is best if Krem doesn’t hear about this, at least not until he speaks with Bull, or Hissrah or whatever fucking name he has now.

His advisors were looking at him with concern. Bull’s sudden reappearance had brought back every feeling he had after Bull’s departure. Something that had taken months to get under control, but even now he remained but a shadow of the man he was: bitter and unforgiving. The only people who could still see his old self were his inner circle and the chargers, whom also shared his feelings.

“Maybe it is better for you to meet with him somewhere private. Preferably without anyone knowing of his presence” Josephine carefully said. She was clearly afraid the chargers would do something stupid, or Sera. However, she was also afraid of what Maxwell would do.

“I agree. Cullen, gather some men before he arrives and escort him to your office. I can use it, yes?” Maxwell asked coldly.

“Yes, of course” Cullen quickly said.

“Leliana, can you please keep an eye on him while he stays with us? I doubt this is a trap but with him we never know. Better be careful”.

“You didn’t even need to ask. I already have my eyes on him.”

“Good. If there isn’t any other urgent matter, I would like to rest for the day, I’m not feeling well.”

His advisors just nodded at him, allowing him to leave. He went straight to his quarters. He had planned to go to the tavern after the war council, but he had no disposition to drink at the moment. Tomorrow he was going to see him again… he closed his right fist, lightning starting to crackle around it. He barely got any sleep that night.

*

The Qunari looked ahead… “Skyhold” he thought. He never expected to be back, not after the way he left, but he had no other place to go for now. He really didn’t want to face his old companions, feelings that he thought were buried and dead were resurfacing again at the sight ahead on him, mixing with the turmoil already inside of him. He tried not to dwell on it and moved forward before *they* caught up with him.

He was still about 10 minutes away from Skyhold when a group of soldiers came to him. They wore the Inquisition’s symbol and behind them Cullen was following. He looked different, more sure of himself at a quick glance, but then again he expected everyone to be. Even considering the years, his physical appearance remained almost the same. Cullen looked at him with a bland expression.

“So it is you after all… what happened to you, _Hissrad_?” His tone of voice showed some surprise and something else he couldn’t put his finger on at the moment. However, is was clear that he said his name, although he was not so sure he could still be called that, with some contempt.

“I did something and I require protection for now. Have you come to escort me or to make me as a prisoner?” He asked, ignoring the obvious question regarding his current state.

“That depends on you. Although I doubt you wouldn’t appear at our doorstep to just refuse coming willingly”. Cullen said, and with that he turned around. “The Inquisitor will receive you in my office immediately. You are to go there unseen” he stated, moving forward.

“Not even a chance to clean myself, you know Maxwell…” He didn’t even get a chance to finish the sentence before Cullen replied, almost shouting as he turned to glare at him.

“You are not to address the Inquisitor by his name” His face now showed anger, getting more pronounced as he continued. “You have NO idea what HE went through when you left! What we all went through!”

Hissrad looked to the side, unable to face Cullen. He knew that Maxwell would have missed him, but he also knew he would get himself back together with the help of the rest of his inner circle eventually. Probably.

“What he is still going through”. Cullen added with his voice now almost unperceivable. With this last statement Cullen left him to be escorted by the soldiers who eyed him with suspicion.

Hissrad grasped his dragon tooth amulet. Who is he kidding? Of course Maxwell never forgot him, he had killed a dragon to show him that. He sighed and followed the soldier back to Skyhold, uncertain of what to expect.


	4. What I was without you (M!Trevelyan/Iron Bull - 2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hissrad!Iron Bull confronts the Inquisitior Maxwell after seven long years while he tries to secure protection.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Managed to get this done today. I'd say there will be two more chapters before the end. Possibly more depending on whether I think about something extra to write or not, we shall see.  
> Also, It is late so it is possible that some errors slipped by.

Upon reaching Skyhold, Hissrad noticed that it was different. Not that he didn’t recognize it, just that it no longer looked like a fortress that had been abandoned. He glanced at the Inquisitor’s Tower, which no longer had a hole on its side. He didn’t know why it surprised him, considering the several years he was absent, but somehow he expected Skyhold to have remained the same. It felt colder somehow, even in the middle of the day.

He was taken to a shortcut up the battlements, and within minutes he was arriving at Cullen’s office. The soldiers stopped behind him then, and in front of him, next to the door was Leliana. She had the usual hood over her head and the expression that was almost impossible to read, even for him. She just glared at him, and without saying a word tilted at head towards the door. Her presence was clearly meant to remind him he was being watched.

He could feel his heart beat faster than usual as he brought a hand up to the door. Taking a couple of deep breathes to calm himself, he entered the room.

He didn’t know what he expected, but it certainly wasn’t this. Maxwell was seated in Cullen’s chair, behind a desk. He still had his black hair cut short, but he now possessed a well-trimmed beard that ran across his lower jaw-line. His head was resting on top of his hands, like he was in deep thought. He looked a lot more battle hardened, with some scars he didn’t know on his face and hands. Maxwell has looking at him, analyzing his current wounds and overall state.

Behind him was Josephine. She was wearing a gold dress, ever the diplomat. He understood why she was there: to understand how much of a threat he could be to the Inquisition depending on his situation regarding the Qun. We expected her to not be very pleased soon.

Whom he did not expect, sitting on the table next to Maxwell, was Cole. Cole still looked exactly the same, with his strange hat, and regarded him with the same look he remembered: questioning and a bit unfocused. Cole, however, was the only one who was smiling to him, even if he looked sad. He clearly wanted to say something, if to him or another he didn’t know, but Maxwell must have asked him not too.

Hissrad noticed that he was still at the entrance, hand on the door. He entered the room and closed the door behind him. All the eyes were on him and the uncomfortable silence stretched for a couple of seconds before Maxwell spoke.

“Explain why you’re here, Hissrad”.

His voice was deeper, colder and the words spoken with authority. There was no hint of emotion in his words. That could only mean one of two things. One possibility is that he doesn’t care about him, but since he himself is here and didn’t send just Josephine means that it isn’t likely. The other might actually put him in danger, if Maxwell is bottling up his emotions.

“You must know that I was in Seheron up until recently, correct?” Hissrad asked tentatively.

“Yes, we were able to track you down before you set sail seven years ago. But that doesn’t explain why you’re here. Let me guess, going to play us all for fools again like you did before?” Maxwell’s mask of expressionlessness was cracking, showing some anger. Josephine eyes him with concern and Cole put a hand on his shoulder, but said nothing.

“No, that was not my intent back—“

“I don’t care what your intent was!” Maxwell almost shouted. Josephine put a hand on his back. “Inquisitor, please calm down. Bull, please just tell us why you’re here and we will see what we can do”. Maxwell closed his eyes and put his hands on his temples, like he was suffering a big headache.

“I… I prevented a kidnap attempt against you”. His chest tightened when we said it, knowing what his actions cut his ties permanently with the Qun. If Maxwell denies him stay in Skyhold, he is as good as dead. Maybe that would be for the better. Maxwell just raised an eyebrow.

“And how did you stop this kidnap attempt, pray tell? And don’t tell me, it was the Qunari who wanted to kidnap me. To convert me I’d guess? Do you truly think they would be able to get to me?” Maxwell asked exasperated.

“Yes it was the Qunari. And I… killed them all” Hissrad said, closing his eyes. He didn’t regret it, but it hurt a lot. “I killed the group sent to kidnap you. I was there because I knew Skyhold and the old you. But when I imagined what they would do to you, as a Saarebas, I—“.

“How convenient, you—“Maxwell interrupted and stopped when Cole stood up on the table with the look he had when we was inside someone’s head.

“Laugh in the night, skin under me, my heart before me. Thread, silence, control, obey… no more laugh, no more. Red, horns cracked, control lifted, heart broken but still in one piece. Fear, despair, must protect, must go back”.

Everyone was silent. Cole looked at him with teary eyes. “I’m sorry The Iron Bull. I tried to help, but only made it worse.” and then Cole disappeared.

“I guess you were saying the truth then. I’ll let you stay… for now. Josephine start the preparations to accommodate our guest Tal-Vashoth and see that he is comfortable”. The word Tal-Vashoth felt like a sword piercing right through him. Maxwell then turned to him, with his expressionlessness mask back, and said “Thank you for preventing the kidnap. If you need anything please just ask Josephine. Unfortunately I have other matters to attend, so I must be going”. With that Maxwell turned for the door and left.

“Tal-Vashoth… yes I guess I am. Better get used to being The Iron Bull again”, he thought. He would have to thank Cole later, we was pretty sure Maxwell only let him stay because Cole proved he was telling the truth. Maybe that was the reason Cole was in the room to begin with. He no longer trusted him… it was to be expected but the thought hurt him more than the Tal-Vashoth one.

He must have looked like shit because Josephine gave him a sympathetic smile. “Do your old quarters sound good?”

“Yeah” Bull said with a sigh. He only hoped he could make amends for what he had done all those years ago.

“I will ask for them to be cleaned, in the meanwhile you might want to go see a healer or to go clean yourself”. Josephine then bowed slightly and left the room. Bull soon followed.

After taking a bath he decided to go to the tavern and get some time to think about everything that had happened. Since he attacked his fellow Qunari he had had no time to sort his thoughts. Apparently everyone in Skyhold knew he had returned, because no one expressed surprise upon seeing him. Some didn’t even know him, having joined the Inquisition in the seven years gap when he wasn’t there, so they expressed indifference. Most that knew him just avoided him. He would be fine with that, less feelings crap he had to deal with.

However, as he made his way to the tavern he saw Krem approaching him, armed with a sword and a shield, with the rest of the chargers behind him. His rest would have to wait.


	5. What I was without you (M!Trevelyan/Iron Bull - 3)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A less angsty chapter where Bull interacts with his Chargers. The lull, however, will be short lived.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I tried to keep Bull in character, trying to deal with emotions in his own unique way.  
> I felt that the last chapters portrayed a more emotional Bull, which can be justified (I think) with the fact that he had just killed some fellow Qunari and seeing Skyhold after many years.  
> Anyway, I feel like I should add that the mission for the Qunari alliance never happened in this story, which explains why Bull was still a Qunari when he left and why the Chargers are alive.  
> I should also say that the angst will return in full force on the next chapter. I would expect 2 to 3 more chapters before I wrap this up.
> 
> Again, I haven't written much so I appreciate any feedback.
> 
> Enjoy!

Krem came, his eyes never leaving Bull’s good eye and stopped right in front of him. He knew Krem was trying to read him, but he didn’t show any of the emotions that were going through him. He did miss his Chargers, but he had decided that the conversation with Maxwell had been enough for him for the day in terms of dealing with the feelings crap. So, he spoke in his neutral voice instead.

“How is it going Krem? You kept the Chargers from getting fat and lazy, I see”.

“You big idiot, of course I wouldn’t”. His voice held no sting in his words, and some relief washed over some concern he had ignored when he saw them come to him.

Krem’s face softed a little, a small smile appearing on his face. Bull looked at the rest of the company and everyone nodded just slightly. Then, Krem shoved the sword and the shield on his hands and they left for the training grounds. Bull managed to give a crooked smile and followed them. If they wanted a beating they would get one.

A couple of hours passed with Bull training with the Chargers. He was surprised to see that all of them had improved a lot, noticing that he didn’t have to hold back as much. He sensed Cullen’s hand on them, he would have to thank him. All of them expect Dalish, even though she still complained that she wasn’t a mage, her skills had improved. She did not tell him who had helped her, but it would have to be either Maxwell or Dorian. There was also Vivienne, but she would never train Dalish. Wait, was Dorian still around?

Bull was standing just outside the training grounds, cleaning the training weapon, until Krem stopped near him and punched his arm, stopping his train of thought. “It’s good to have you back chief.” That was all that was said, apologies and forgiveness skipped. That’s what he liked about his Chargers. They could understand each other just by beating each other down and drinking after. Once, he had had that kind of understanding with Maxwell. Another memory to put away inside a box and store in some corner of his mind.

“It’s good to be back, Krem de la Crème”. Bull simply said heading towards the tavern, ready for a heavy night of drinking. Apparently the Chargers had the same idea in mind, because they followed him.

He wasn’t sure what to expect when he opened the door to the tavern. Some other old _friend_ to demand him emotional satisfaction for all the years we was away? Suspicious stares and indirect comments about him all night long? A knife to the back?  Instead, the bard was singing one of his favourite songs, _Empress of Fire_ , it has a nice rhythm to it. Looking around the people there gave him a quick look but quickly returned to their chatting or card games. The bartender Cabot, however, raised him a mug. “Good to see one of my best costumers back! Am I safe to assume you’ll want some Maraas-Lok this fine evening?” He asked cheerfully.

“Yes, it has been a difficult… well… handful of years” Bull said, receiving a nod from Cabot while noticing his favourite spot empty. He sat down, and across from him sat Krem. The rest of the Chargers sat on the table next to them, singing happily for having their leader back.

A barmaid brought their drinks. He did not remember her, she must have come after he left. She took her time to deliver the drinks, making sure Bull had an eyeful of her as she leaned on the table. She was not bad, long dark hair, nice pair of tits and cute face, but he was not in the mood for anything today. Grumpily for being ignored, she skipped away to another table.

Krem had an understanding expression and said nothing about it. Instead he cleared his throat and asked what Bull had been expecting from his lieutenant.

“Is it bad? Your situation with the Qun I mean”.

Bull knew he was just curious, not being judgemental. He didn’t want to talk about it, but he owed his lieutenant some explanations at least.

“Yeah. The being killed during the night by Qunari assassins kind of bad”. Bull said, deadpan.

Krem nodded, taking a sip of his drink. Bull just stared at his mug for a while, before drinking from it.

“Was it worth it? Going back?”

“I… I don’t know. It was in the beginning” Bull frowned slightly, blaming himself for liking to have been back in Par Vollen all those years ago.

“But later you wanted to come back, knowing that you couldn’t” Krem finished the sentence. Bull said nothing, it was confirmation enough.

“Are you ok chief? I’ve heard that leaving the Qun can be hard”. Krem asked carefully, he knew Krem was aware that those were hard questions to answer, he could feel some irritation about the questioning building.

“I don’t need your concern Krem. For now I am.” Bull said, looking at the direction of the door. For now he was, because he had _someone_ else weighing on his mind. Krem must have sensed his irritation because he asked nothing more the rest of the night, instead updating him on the Charger’s various missions and achievements.

He also updated him on his old companions. Apparently, only Sera, Dorian and Cole had stayed, along with Cullen, Josephine and Leliana. The others had apparently left to follow their own paths, Krem couldn’t say for sure where they went, though, except for Cassandra, whom was the new Divine. Bull wasn't entirely surprised.

As time passed, the Chargers left the tavern to rest, greeting Bull as they did. Krem was the last one, saying “Horn’s up” as he left. The old motto brought a smile to his face.

Bull decided then to go rest as well. He still had to figure out how to deal with the mess he had made. Probably start by trying to chat with Dorian and Cole. Cullen seemed mad at him when he approached him before he reached Skyhold, but he still wanted to thank him for looking out for his Chargers. He should speak with Sera too, but that would be difficult. She had appeared in the tavern during the night, but she had completely ignored him, meaning that she would most likely avoid him like the plague. That or she will confront him sooner or later with an arrow pointed at him.

When he reached his old room he noticed that everything was about the same as he had left them. He noticed, however, burn marks on the wall next to the bed. He could deduce how they got there, as they appeared to be old burns and they weren’t there before he left. It must have been Maxwell. With a sigh, he took off his leather harness, the boots and his pants, crashing into the bed moments later.


	6. What I was without you (M!Trevelyan/Iron Bull - 4)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maxwell is trapped between his mixed feelings for Bull, which puts him in danger.  
> Bull decides that he is done running away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay. Another plot bunny got into my head and had to write it, which I'll be adding it to this work after I finish the current story.  
> Once again I appreciate any and all feedback.
> 
> Enjoy!

Bull jolted awake, he was not alone. Looking around he found the intruder next to his bed. It was Cole. He looked pained, and had his eyes focused on some point very far away, like he did when he was inside someone’s head.

“Cole! What are you—“

“Pain… uncertainty… the heart and the mind do not agree… He wants, but he fears. He searches for release, they give him escape. He knows he mustn’t, but he is breaking. Pain. It sears through him, purifying, releasing, and lethal. It laughs, won’t be longer it thinks. He is lost, he can’t move, he can’t scream. He tries to fight, but he is losing”. Cole says, tears forming in his eyes.

“Cole, what are you talking about?” Bull asks, confused.

“He needs you. I tried to help before, but I couldn’t, only made it worse. He is losing a battle right now. Please help his hurt”, Cole says, now focusing his eyes on him.

“Are you talking about Maxwell?” Bull asks, chest clenching. Something is very wrong, sounds like demon shit.

“He needs you” Cole repeats, before disappearing.

Bull gets up as fast as he can, putting some pants on as he leaves, moonlight showing him the way while he ran towards Maxwell’s quarters. He saw no one on his way there, but upon reaching the door to Maxwell’s quarters he found it locked. He knocks hard, shouting for Maxwell, loud enough to wake up everyone nearby. “No reply… Vashedan!” Bull says to himself. He backs up and throws himself against the door, but it doesn’t even budge. He notices that the door is new and reinforced, there is no way he will be able to smash it open easily. He curses his decision to leave his weapon behind, he didn’t want anyone thinking he was going to commit a murder.

While Bull was thinking, Leliana creeps behind him, placing a dagger against his neck. Bull freezes instantly. “And what do we have here?” She asks, emphasizing every word. “Trying to murder or kidnap our Inquisitor, are we?” She adds.

“If I wanted to do that I wouldn’t have shouted. Cole came to me, said some crap about Maxwell being in pain, sounded almost like torture. I came to check up on him. In case you haven’t noticed, he didn’t answer me”. Bull said, trying to remain calm.

Leliana released him then. “Good thing I have a key to his quarters. Let’s see then”. Leliana approached the door and unlocked it with a key that she took from a pocket. “Wait here” she said while she climbed the stairs to Maxwell’s quarters. He didn’t want to stay, but he would not give Leliana any reason to attack him. Not soon after, he heard Leliana coming back, running. “Something’s wrong. He won’t wake up and he looks to be in pain” She looked at him intensely, adding “I will trust you on this. I will go get Dorian, he might know what is happening. Keep an eye on him”. She had just barely finished her sentence and she was already gone.

Bull climbed the stairs two steps at a time, reaching the top in seconds. His quarters were different, lit by several candles around the room, however he didn’t look around to analyse them. He approached the bed, looking at Maxwell. He was sweating and shivering, face contorted in pain and the anchor was shining more than normal. He placed a hand on his face, but there was no reaction. He kept stroking Maxwell’s face, not knowing what else to do.

“I’m here Kadan, I won’t leave you again so please, wake up”. He kept repeating the same words, as if believing that saying them enough times would make them reality. This wasn’t anything that he could solve, and it only made him angrier at himself.

“Bull…” Bull snapped out of his state. It wasn’t Maxwell who called out to him. Looking to the room’s entrance he found Dorian and Leliana. Dorian seemed surprised, but seeing Maxwell he regained his composure and approached Maxwell.

“Bull, I need space, would you mind?” He asked in a demanding voice. Reluctantly, Bull stepped away from the bed, heading towards the balcony. Bull couldn’t look at Maxwell or he feared he would lose himself. The night was starting to fade, the first hints of light starting to appear on the horizon. He grasped the balcony railing, ignoring the cold and pressing it with force as he thought back when they were together. He had realized too late that Maxwell had become part of him, with the pain of not being able to see him adding to all the physical pains he suffered. He thought he would be able to endure it, like he endured all the other pains before. However, unlike the others, he didn’t expect it to become worse over time. He had hoped Maxwell would be happy to see him, however it was clear that he suffered the same pain he had felt all these years. Except it has his fault for inflicting that pain on both of them, and Maxwell resented it.

“This is serious” Dorian said, concern on his face. “I think he is trapped in the fade and for some reason he cannot wake. Bull, what did Cole say, exactly?” He asked with a tone that demanded an answer. Leliana must have told him about Cole.

Bull turned around, and repeated what Cole had said, word for word. Even though some parts didn’t make sense to him, his Ben-Hassrath training allowed him to remember this kind of information easily. Dorian frowned heavily after he finished.

“I suspect your presence here triggered a lot of conflicting emotions within him. Some demon must have taken advantage of that, offering release”, Dorian said thoughtfully.

“You’re not saying that a demon is possessing him are you?” Bull almost shouted. It was his fault. He was going to lose Maxwell forever and it was his fault!

“No, he is not possessed, at least not yet. The demon is torturing him, if I understand what Cole said correctly. It is trying to break Maxwell so that he can possess him.” Dorian said.

“Is there anything we can do?” Bull asked, pleading. The thought of Maxwell being tortured made is stomach twist and his chest clench.

I was not Dorian that replied, but Leliana. “I’ve heard about something that could help. The Champion of Ferelden saved a boy from possession once. However, it is very risky and requires someone to spiritually enter the fade and confront the demon. Otherwise, the only solution is to kill Maxwell to prevent possession”.

Bull flinched. Enter the fade and confront a demon… it made him itchy everywhere. _Fucking fade crap_. However, the idea of killing Maxwell left him nauseous. He would not let that happen.

“I’ve read about the procedure. I think we can assemble the mages in Skyhold, but I’ll have to prepare the ritual. Meanwhile we will need someone to volunteer to confront the demon. I would do it myself but I’ll have to supervise the ritual”. Dorian said, pacing back and forth in the room.

Bull closed his good eye. “I’ll do it” he said, without thinking. He found that his fear of demons and the fade didn’t match up to the fear of losing Maxwell forever.

“Don’t be absurd. From what I know it has to be a mage who enters the fade” Leliana said, looking at Dorian for confirmation.

“The ritual is made to send a mage, yes. Not that it is impossible to send a non-mage, but very difficult. Mages are easier to send due to their affinity with the fade, where a non-mage requires a deep connection with someone currently in the fade. However, besides me there is no other mage in Skyhold that could confront a demon directly, at least one that got the better of Maxwell, and I’ll have to make sure the ritual goes well” Dorian replied, eyeing Bull, and then asked “Do you truly care for Maxwell, Bull?”

“Yes, I would give my life for him.” Bull replied. He never thought he would say those words and meant them, but there he was. Dorian took a second before replying.

“Maybe I can alter the ritual so that instead of using a mage’s affinity with the fade to enter it, the ritual could use a Bull's affinity with Maxwell. I have no idea if it will work, not mentioning that it will be extremely dangerous as well. Do you really think your connection with Maxwell is strong enough? If not you will just end up dead.” Dorian asked. He was trying to make Bull run away again, even if he felt that Dorian was saying the truth.

“Yes.” Bull was not going to run away again. He didn't know if his connection with Maxwell was strong enough for this, but he would save Maxwell, even if it was the last thing he did. Dorian’s features softened and Bull could almost make out a hint of a smile.

“Only an idiot would throw himself into sure death. Good thing we have one right here. Leliana, please gather the mages as soon as they are ready and tell them they will be needed this afternoon, I have to figure out how to change the ritual and prepare it.” Dorian said, turning around and leaving the room.

Bull returned to Maxwell’s side, grasping his hand and squeezing it lightly. Leliana looked at him one last time and left without making a noise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I felt like this would be a good way to make Bull repent for his actions, even though I had to make some adjustments I tried to keep it coherent with using Bull's affinity for Maxwell instead of a mage's affinity with the fade. I hope it isn't too much of a stretch.


	7. What I was without you (M!Trevelyan/Iron Bull - 5)

Bull didn’t know how much time had passed while he sat next to Maxwell, but the sun had already appeared above the horizon when he heard the door open, followed by footsteps up the stairs. He didn’t need to look to know who it was, the sound of the footsteps clearly belonged to Cullen.

Bull looked at him briefly before focusing again on Maxwell. He had a distrustful and concerned look on his face. No need to figure out to whom each was directed to.

“Leliana told me what happened” He said, moving closer to the bed and placing a hand on Maxwell’s shoulder. Bull noted that it was something that the commander hadn’t done before, showing some intimacy with the Inquisitor. A knot formed in his stomach. “What do you think you will accomplish with you act of heroism, Bull?” He asked, coldly, now facing him.

Bull looked at Cullen. He kept his impassive face, not allowing Cullen to read him. It was probably not the best idea to give the man more reasons to doubt him, but he had to maintain control over his emotions. “I only want to save him, nothing else” Bull said. A lie, he knew. Not that he didn’t want to save him, because that was actually his main concern. But he was hoping it would also be enough for Maxwell to forgive him.

“You’re throwing into something that, supposedly, you fear for a man you left seven years ago for the damn Qun. I’m sorry if I find that difficult to believe, even if the claim that you cut the ties with the Qun is true. Whatever you do, if you don’t save Maxwell I swear I’ll cut you down on the spot. Otherwise you can just go and die in a corner of the fade for all I care”.  Cullen said angrily, somehow keeping his voice from getting louder than normal.

“That’s fine” Bull replied. Cullen seemed to not like the answer, he was probably expecting Bull to lash out at him. “By the way, thank for training the Chargers. You did a good job” He added.

“They were the ones that suffered the most after Maxwell. What I did, I did for them, not for you. How could they just forgive you is beyond me. Maybe they are just better people than me, because I don’t think you deserve them.” Cullen said, now turning to leave.

“You’re not a bad person Cullen. I’m the one who fucked up. You were there for my Chargers, and you were there for Maxwell, when they needed me most. You have every right to hate me.” Bull said with a flat tone. Cullen stopped for a second, as if to reply, but decided to continue down the stairs instead.

*

_Why did I leave all those years ago? The reasons don't seem to hold as much weight as they did back then, knowing the hurt he had inflicted. Then again, I'm Tal-Vashoth now. Tal-Va-fucking-Shoth! I still haven't dealt with that, but until Maxwell is well it won't really sink in..._

“You should go eat something. I asked Josephine to get something for you, you can go eat on her office”. Bull snapped back into reality and looked back, he didn’t hear Dorian come in, but then again he has been lost in his thoughts.

“I’m not hungry, shouldn’t you be preparing a ritual or something?” was the reply Bull gave to Dorian.

“It was not a suggestion. Go eat something whatever Josephine brought. I do not suggest you to go into the fade on an empty stomach and I need to be in the room to start the preparations. Alone. In case you haven’t noticed, it’s past midday”. Dorian said, placing a hand on Bull’s shoulder.

Bull sighed, “Alright”. Bull got up, looked one last time at Maxwell, noting the increased look of pain on him and left Maxwell’s quarters. He didn’t want to eat, his stomach was twisted into a knot, nor did he want to talk to anyone. Words don’t change anything, actions do. However, as soon as he reached the hall he was greeted by Josephine. Apparently she knew what he was thinking and waited for him to come down.

“Come, I brought some food for you” She said softly.

“Josie, I—“Bull began, but Josephine smiled and shook her head while gesturing to her office, “I won’t ask you anything unless you want to talk. Please”.

Bull grunted, but complied. Upon reaching the ambassador’s office he saw a plate with meat stew and a mug that appeared to be Ferelden Ale in a table next to her desk. Bull sat down and complained, picking up the mug, “I could have used something stronger than this”.

While Bull drank, Josephine sat down on the chair behind her desk, saying “I want you to be fairly sober for today. I know Ferelden Ale isn’t exactly light for most, but I know you can handle a lot of it”.

Nothing much was said while Bull ate, only then realized that he was, indeed hungry. After he finished, he frowned remembering what he had agreed to in the morning. _Demons…_ He looked at Josephine, who was silently staring at him. “Do I have something on my face?” he asked, not unkindly.

“I’m just trying to understand you. Back then I barely ever spoke to you, but I came to respect you through your actions, both before and during your time in the Inquisition”. She said, holding her head on one hand.

“You don’t resent me for leaving?” Bull asked, remembering how she didn’t seem to be angry at him after his discussion with Maxwell on Cullen’s office.

“No. I can see that these years have been hard for you. And I think the reason you left is because you were afraid you would lose yourself without the role you played for the Qun your entire life. I also believe you didn’t say anything because you truly cared, and saying goodbye would only make things hurt more. I'm not saying that I agree with your decision back then, but I can somewhat understand it.” Josephine explained. She was spot on. Bull was grateful that at least she could understand.

“Thank you” Bull said. The conversation had been more soothing than he expected. Having his reasons for leaving told to him made them feel more tangible.

Suddenly there was a knock on the door. “Come in” Josephine said. It was Leliana, she had a serious look on her face, as always, but there was also a hint of emergency.

“Bull, Dorian requested you on the Inquisitor’s quarters post haste” she said, before leaving.

“Good luck” Josephine said, concern on her face from the exchange. Bull nodded and left quickly to Maxwell’s quarters. As soon as he opened the door, he heard screaming. It was Maxwell. He climbed the stairs as fast as possible and froze at the sight. About 8 mages were lined up behind the bed, all looking concerned, while Dorian finished mixing a drink of some kind.

“What is happening here?” Bull bellowed over Maxwell’s screams. Dorian looked at him for a second before he looked back at the drink and muttered something. The drink emitted a flash of light before returning to its original state.

“Good, you’re here. We must start now, whatever is doing this to Maxwell must have sensed what we were planning to do. Here, drink this” Dorian handed the potion to Bull. He looked at it, it was translucent and slightly tinged blue. He looked at Dorian, asking, “What the hell am I supposed to be drinking exactly? You used magic on this!” Bull almost sounded angry at the last comment.

Dorian rolled his eyes, clearly impatient “ _Vishante Kaffas…_ it will give you the ability to stop questioning and do as you are told. It will also allow your spirit to separate from your physical body. Since you’re not a mage and we want you to enter the fade, well, I think you can figure it out”.

“Not really, but if I want to enter the fade to save him I have to drink… _this_ ” Bull spat the last word.

“Yes. You have to physically touch Maxwell and then drink it. Mages, please go to the formation I showed you and be ready. Once he drinks it we start.” Dorian said, pulling a chair next to the bed and waving for Bull to sit down.

Bull moved to the chair and sat down, holding Maxwell’s hand with his. His screams were making him anxious. He looked at Dorian, who nodded for him to start after making sure everyone was in position and ready. Then Bull drank the potion, grimacing at the taste, and he started to feel lightheaded. Then he heard the mages chanting. Before Bull could tense at the magic that started to fill the room, his vision turned black and he no longer heard anything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really wanted to put some Josephine in before the ritual, which delayed the action to the next chapter. It is also kind of late so I'm sorry for any blatant errors.  
> Additionally, because I have the day off tomorrow, I might try to finish this. I have some other ideas for one shot stories and I really want to continue my other fic "The Way Things Are Meant To Be", I have some really cool ideas I want to work with there.


	8. What I was without you (M!Trevelyan/Iron Bull - 6)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And into the fade we go!

Bull felt himself floating, and darkness was surrounding him. Then he heard a disembodied voice, it was Dorian’s “Concentrate on Maxwell. Try to feel him, to find him. Let yourself be pulled”.

“Where am I?” Bull asked, confused. The voice replied, “Between the fade and the real world. Do as I said”.

Bull focused Maxwell on his mind and looked around. He felt a weight on his neck, looking down he saw the dragon tooth necklace. He grasped it and focused on Maxwell again. He felt like he was falling, looking down he saw a green light. The light grew until it was the only thing he saw and then he found himself in the fade. The sight sent shivers down his spine. He didn’t expect to be back here after Adamant. He started to feel panic building.

Looking around, he found himself near the gates of a greenish version of Skyhold. The familiar sight quelled some of his growing sense of dread and panic. He saw Maxwell, pleading to… Bull? His fade version of himself was mounted, clearly prepared to leave. He just laughed. “I never cared about you. My duty was to see you victorious against Corypheus. Duty calls me back” and he saw himself leave. Bull’s anger flared at the blatant lie, then he heard a voice all around him.

“He never loved you, but I can make the pain go away. You just have to submit” the voice said.

Maxwell screamed, and he found himself in the middle of Maxwell’s quarters. Then he heard his own voice echoing, “Submit Kadan. You know that I won’t hurt you without your permission”. Bull felt like the air on his lungs had been knocked out.

“What do you have here?” The first voice said, a demon materializing in front of him. “His lover came to the rescue. How cute. Do you desire him back? I can give him to you.” It said with a seductive voice, letting closer.

Bull froze. He wanted to say yes, but he knew enough about demons that he would not get what he was being offered. He yelled “I do not need a demon to get Maxwell back!” Before he could attack, the demon screamed and his surrounding shifted again. He saw himself alone in a narrow path, but he could feel Maxwell ahead. He ran forward through the mountainous landscape, the path taking him through a forest. He ignored other spirits moving around, trying to focus on Maxwell. He soon found himself in a clearing, with Maxwell in the middle, lying down on his back.

He could feel he was the real Maxwell. However, something was wrong. “Kadan” Bull whispered, kneeling next to him and placing a hand of his cheek. Maxwell’s spirit slowly opened his eyes. “Bull? This doesn’t feel like an illusion, but you shouldn’t be able to be here.” He said, weakly.

“I chose to be here, and I’m going to save you” Bull said. Suddenly, he felt something behind him, like the air shifting. He tried to dodge, but he was hit by a pair of claws across his back. The pain was great, but the wounds weren’t as serious as they could have been. The demon screamed again, “You’re better than I thought, but you will die and your death will shatter the last defenses keeping me from controlling him”.

The fade started to shift again, only this time he heard Maxwell yell, “This is my dream! You will NOT kill him”. The fade settled back, the demon turned towards Maxwell, lifting a hand. Maxwell screamed in pain.

Bull did not remember much of what happened next. He started seeing red, anger flared and his focus on saving Maxwell controlling his actions. He moved fast towards the demon and before it could do anything Bull punched it square in the face, sending it flying across the clearing. Before the demon could recover, Bull picked Maxwell and started running towards the forest.

While running, Maxwell warned him, “Running will not work, he can sense me”.

Bull’s mind was working a way to take out the demon, but he was drawing a blank. “Tell me what you know of the fade that can be of help”.

“We mages can still use magic, but it may have unpredictable results and I’m too weak to use it anyway. We can also manipulate the fade to some degree, non-mages can also do it to a lesser extent, like shape it and conjuring items. Willpower and belief have a lot of power in here”. Maxwell said.

Bull analysed the information. Maybe that last part might help them, but he has no idea of how to do it. Bull continued to run, when he had an idea. “Do you trust me Maxwell?” he asked.

Maxwell frowned, looking away. He thought for a couple of seconds, until he sighed. “No, not completely”.

Even thought that was the answer he needed and the one he expected, it still felt like a knife had been struck on his chest. Maxwell seemed surprised, like he had felt it. They were in the fade, so it was possible that he actually did, Bull thought. “It’s your fault you know…” Maxwell said.

“Yeah”, Bull closed his eyes and imagined a place with big rocks as big has himself scattered around and wished it to be true. When he opened his eyes he saw that the trees were bigger, enough to hide him. _Not what I wanted but it will do_ Bull thought. Stopping, Bull laid Maxwell on the ground, turned around and left.

Bull hid behind a tree and waited. Maxwell struggled to get up, looking confused. Then he put an angry face and started moving. Bull followed him from a distance, trying to not lose him. Then he saw the demon. It was approaching Maxwell from the front, who stopped dead on his tracks.

“Your friend left you, did he? Again?” It spoke, almost in a mocking voice, stoking the pain in Maxwell's mind.

“It doesn’t matter, he didn’t find what he came here to save.” Maxwell replied. He thought he could hear a hint of rage.

“That’s good, it will make things easier then”. Bull prepared to attack from behind and concentrated all his will in a single purpose. He moved silently while the demon picked Maxwell up, who apparently could not move and had his eyes closed in anticipation of the pain to come. “I wonder how much time you will—“ The demon started saying. However, Bull was right behind him. With a quick swipe, he cut the demon in two. Maxwell let out a yell when he fell back to the ground. The demon let out a scream of pain before disappearing into the fade. Looking up, he saw Bull holding his weapon and felt a wave of relief when he noted that he had control over his dream again.

“You could have told me you wanted to use me a bait for a trap”. He said, with a bit of anger.

“Hey, you said he could sense you, so I thought that he would probably sense the trap otherwise. I also thought that it could guess it if you trusted me, but apparently that was not a problem in the first place.” Bull replied, and then asked “Are you safe now? Can we go back?”

“I cannot go back just yet. My spirit must recover first, but I will wake up eventually in the real world in two days or so. Your wounds are not as severe, so I guess you will be able to back now.” Maxwell said.

“I will stay with you then, I—“ Bull said, but Maxwell interrupted. “No. You’re not supposed to be here consciously. It is too dangerous, and I cannot recover if not alone. Tell Dorian I will have a long tank with him when I wake up” He said dryly, and then added “and with you as well. Here, I will send you back to the real world”.

Bull felt uneasy by leaving him behind again, but nodded. “Can you send me back? Isn’t it too much for you?” The concern in Bull's voice was palpable.

For the first time since Bull had returned, Maxwell gave him a genuine small smile. “I’m in control of my dream now. This isn’t magic, and since you’re technically inside my dream, I can just wish you back.” Bull sighed, “Alright”.

“Thank you”, Maxwell said, before he placed a hand on Bull’s shoulder and everything went dark again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think I might have gone against the lore at some points, but tried to make sure that what happened was within the reasonable spectrum.  
> Probably just one more chapter after this one. I have a bigger one-shot planned and almost finished to come after (it will be a single chapter).
> 
> I also have the bad habit of not beta-reading properly. Please excuse any blatant errors.


	9. What I was without you (M!Trevelyan/Iron Bull - 7)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maxwell and Bull finally discuss things.

“He’s waking up.”

“Be careful until we make sure it is Bull who is in control.”

Bull heard people talking, but they were muffled as he was inside water. He tried to open his eyes, but the light blinded him for a moment. He groaned when he felt that he had a headache.

“Bull, say something.”

Bull tried to speak, but he felt his mouth and throat drier than the Hissing Wastes and only a growl was audible.

“He’s making me nervous”, Bull could tell it was Cullen’s voice now.

“Bull!” Dorian almost yelled.

“SHUT UP, my head aches” Bull managed to say, almost yelling. He sat up, his eyes starting to adjust to the light and noticed Dorian relaxing, pressing his staff on the ground. Cullen and Leliana were also there, further back.

Glancing to the side, he saw a pitcher with water and drank from it. Then he remembered the fade. “Maxwell!” He yelled, looking around. He just now noticed that he wasn’t in the Inquisitor’s quarters anymore.

“He is sleeping like a mabari dog after running all day long. We tried to wake him but he still wouldn’t respond. What happened?” Dorian asked, with a hint of curiosity and concern.

Bull didn’t want to talk about it, so he gave them the short answer. “Demon appeared, tried to kill me, I killed it, Maxwell was weak and is going to sleep for at least two days”.

Dorian opened his mouth as if to inquire further but closed it again when Bull glared at him. Then he said, “You might want to know that you slept a whole day and an additional night”. Dorian looked at Cullen and Liliana. Apparently his own wounds were more serious than he had thought.

“If what you say is correct, Maxwell should wake today” Leliana said, giving a small hint of hope in her voice.

“You can go see Maxwell if you want or you can go hit your horns on the door frames or whatever you Qunari do to pass the time. I will send someone to warn you when Maxwell wakes”. Dorian said, smiling softly at him and placing a hand on his shoulder briefly as to reinsure him. He then left the room with Leliana, who just nodded at him before leaving. Cullen followed them, but before exiting he said “It’s a start”, looking at Bull with apparently less anger than he showed before.

After resting a bit more in the bed, Bull was able to ignore the headache and got up. He decided to go see Maxwell, just to be sure everything was fine. He knew he was being looked after by more competent people, but he wouldn’t put his mind at ease otherwise. He exited the room he was in and noticed that he was close to the gardens. It was a less populated section of Skyhold, probably to draw less attention to an unconscious Qunari when they transported him, which would explain why they didn’t take him to his own room at the tavern. He didn’t even take a step outside before he heard someone from the end of the corridor coming to him. It was Sera. She had her bow ready with an arrow already in place.

“So, what’s your deal? You shit on something that mattered to Max and then come back? Like you want an arrow to the face. Then you go to deal with demons, mage things and shit. I thought you hated those. I don’t understand.” Sera said, speaking fast.

“I did matter to me, Sera. I just took too long for me to realize that.” Bull answered. He always knew that a direct answer was always the best way to speak with Sera, even if the answer still clawed into his chest.

“Yeah? It matters now? You shouldn’t do what you did to the stuff that matters!” she grunted. “I guess if it still matters for Max then I shouldn’t shit all over you. Don’t do anything like that again or you will wish you didn’t” Sera said, turning around.

“Thanks Sera” Bull said, to which Sera just slipped him off before cutting a corner, to which he smiled. At least Sera was up front with her emotions, and it was good to know that she was willing to give him a second chance, provided Max did too. She was a strange one, but he liked her anyway.

Bull turned then towards Maxwell’s quarters and moved forward. He was still in a kind of shocked state from his trip to the fade, a feeling of numbness in his mind, but he knew he would be able to deal with it like how he dealt with what had happened at Adamant. Right now he had more pressing concerns.

*

Bull passed through the fairly empty main hall and went past the guards who stood by the entrance to Maxwell’s quarters. The guards let him through without a question. Dorian probably warned them about him.

Reaching the top of the stairs leading to the room, he noticed a healer checking up his pulse and temperature. She tensed when she saw him, but otherwise continued her work.

“How is he?” Bull asked, sitting next to the bed.

“Physically, he is fine. The tremors have stopped and he is now just sleeping, according to Sir Dorian” The healer replied, finishing her measurements. Seemingly happy with the results, she left the room.

Bull pressed his forehead against Maxwell’s side. He was the reason Maxwell was attacked by a demon. Even if he did rescue him, the fact remains that Bull had hurt Maxwell again.

“I’m so sorry, Ka-”. Bull muttered, closing his eyes. He had no right to stay at his side, not after all he had done. He doesn’t remember exactly how much time had passed, but the healer regularly came to check up on Maxwell, as did several of the other members of the inner circle. They mostly remained silent, but some of them tried to reinsure Bull in some way. Krem appeared near lunch with some food for him, apparently the excuse he used to check up on Bull and the Inquisitor.

After a while he started to feel numb on his legs from sitting for too long. When the healer came, he let her check up on Maxwell and used to opportunity to stretch his legs on the balcony. She eyed the food tray, but otherwise remained silent.

Looking down over to the battlements he saw soldiers walking around, talking to one another and looking at the Inquisitor’s tower from time to time. It was clear that they were worried, perhaps Maxwell had spent some more time getting to know some of his soldiers. The memory of the day he took Maxwell to talk to a couple of soldiers in disguise brought a sad smile to his face.  

“Sir Iron Bull”, Bull heard from within Maxwell’s room, the tone indicating surprise. The healer had barely spoken to him while she worked, so he went inside in one quick motion. He noticed immediately that Maxwell was moving his head slightly.

“Please go inform master Dorian that the Inquisitor is waking up”. She said hurriedly. Bull wanted to tell her to go, that he would stay with him, but he was beaten by Dorian opening the door and running up the stairs. He had probably some spell in place to warn him. Maxwell then started to open his eyes and Bull felt a hint of fear over the reaction he might have to see him again, binding him in place next to the window that lead into the balcony.

The healer stepped back to let Dorian speak with him. “Maxwell?” he asked carefully.

“What? Where?” Maxwell started asking, but then his eyes opened fully, showing that he just remembered what had happened. He then tried to sit on the bed, resting his back against the headboard. The sound of Maxwell’s voice seemed to knock Bull out of his stupor and he approached the bed.

“Easy” Dorian said, helping him sit. “How do you feel?”

“Like crap” Maxwell replied, earning a chuckle from Dorian.

“Are you hungry?” Bull managed to ask tentatively.

Maxwell noticed a food tray next to him, it seemed to have been brought some time ago but it remained untouched. Looking at Bull he just nodded.

“I’ll get you some warm food” Bull said, but was interrupted by Dorian. “If you’re not going to eat your lunch I can just warm it up.

Bull shrugged and picked his food tray, passing it to Dorian, who warmed to food instantly with a flick of his hand. It was a simple stew, but was nutritious enough.

“Thank you” Maxwell said, eating some of it.

“I’ll let you eat. If you need anything I’ll be in the main hall. I’ll let the others know.” Dorian said, placing a hand on his shoulder for a second before turning to leave. The healer bowed and said that she would come back later to check up on him before following Dorian down the stairs.

“I’ll go to so you can rest.” Bull said, happy that he was able to keep his tone of voice neutral, turning towards the stairs.

“Wait” Maxwell said. There wasn’t any heat to the word, but there wasn’t any affection either. “We should talk”.

“It can wait until you’re feeling better” Bull reinforced, but he saw Maxwell put his Inquisitor’s face: resolute, like steel. “I need to have this conversation with you now”.

Bull sighed, turned back towards the bed, sitting down on the side chair and tried to keep his fear of the upcoming conversation from showing on his face. Maxwell finished his stew with one last mouthful and set the tray aside.

“I will be honest with you Bull. I can’t forgive you for what you did to me just because you saved me from a demon. I am grateful, and would now perhaps choose to take you with me to field if the need arises, but know that I will never forget it”. Maxwell’s stare was intense, and for the first time he had to look away. He wasn’t lying, whatever they had died the moment he left for Par Vollen.

“I didn’t save you because I thought you would take me back. Well, maybe deep down I was hoping for it but it was the thought of losing you forever that I couldn’t bear. Even if you didn’t want me back after, knowing that you were safe and sound was reason enough for me to fight that demon. I…” Bull didn’t know what else to say. There was nothing else to say.

“I understand. Thank you, for everything” Bull said, getting up.

“I haven’t finished”. Bull looked at him, slightly surprised that he found a sad smile on his face. He waited for Maxwell to continue.

“I may not want you, Bull, but I need you. There hasn’t been a single day since you left that I hadn’t missed you. Hated you as well, but post relations have never been the same”. Bull chest tightened at the words.

“I have given many people a second chance. People who murdered for the sake of others, people who lied to everyone, people who abused their power. And yet, I didn’t want to give the object of my heart’s desire one, in fear of suffering again as I did”. Bull steeled himself for the words that would come next. Maxwell looked down as he hugged himself.

“However, I know for a fact that you hate the fade. You try to stay away from it and its demons, it makes you uncomfortable. And yet, you went there to save me” Maxwell then looked directly at Bull. “I will give you a second chance Bull, but we will have to build our relationship again. The bottom line is that I no longer trust you as I did. I probably never will, only time will tell”. Bull felt like a knife had been stabbed right through him. He had known that, but hearing it from Maxwell was the confirmation he had tried to ignore. However, Maxwell was going to give him a second chance. He would prove himself and earn his trust, his love, back. And this time he would protect it above everything. Maxwell continued.

“When I’m feeling better, I will go to the tavern. I will expect good company there”. Maxwell tried a smile. It was somewhat forced, but Bull liked it all the same. It had been a long time before he had seen Maxwell like this.

“Sure thing boss, the drinks will be on me.” Bull said, a lightness washing over him, as if a heavy burden had been lifted. He still didn’t have all of Maxwell back, but he had been given the opportunity to try and he would gladly take it. Maxwell must have noticed the relief in Bull’s voice, because he gave him a more genuine smile this time.

After helping Maxwell back into the bed, he turned to leave. He would have stayed with Maxwell in bed, but that would be for the future. “I will see you around then, boss”.

“See you around, Bull”. Maxwell said, before falling back to sleep.

Bull descended the stairs to the main hall, feeling excited enough to consider training until sunset with the chargers. Passing through the hall he noticed that Dorian had brought his research from the library to a table, staying close in case Maxwell needed anything. He trusted Dorian enough for that.

Exiting the main hall, he noticed Krem near the tavern, who gave him a grin when he noticed him. Bull motioned with his head towards the training grounds and Krem’s face seemed to light up, going into the tavern to call the rest of the chargers.

Bull headed down to the training grounds and for the first time in years he felt in peace with himself. It felt like…

_Asit tal-eb_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, I know this is super late... I had lot's of stuff happening irl and some other one-shots I wanted to write.  
> I usually just write what comes to mind, having only a general idea of the core story I want to tell, so some inconsistencies are bound to happen. If you find any I'm terribly sorry.  
> Also, the bitter-sweet ending I wanted ended up being more sweet than bitter. I can't bring myself to care anyway, I'm a sucker for happy-ish endings.
> 
> I am still new to writing, and sometimes I want to facepalm myself over some of the stuff I write, so any kind of suggestions for improvement are welcomed.
> 
> I hope you enjoyed. I know I left some loose strings, which I might pick up in the future.


	10. Revelations (Dorian/Iron Bull)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Iron Bull looks at Dorian in the morning and sees something he didn't expect. Early-ish relationship.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The last chapter on the "What I was without you" is being difficult to write. So, why not some quick Adoribull in the meantime?  
> Sorry I'm a bit late, stuff happened. I've another small chapter planned for tomorrow as well.  
> Also, it's two in the morning. Please excuse any glaring mistake.

Bull started to wake up from his dreamless sleep before sunrise, as usual. This time he felt one of his sides hotter than the other and his left arm was holding a smaller man. Bull chuckled to himself, he must have tired Dorian completely for him to have stayed on his bed. Normally, he would wake up alone after a night with him, since they had agreed that their relationship was with no strings attached. He kept his eye closed for a while longer, savoring the heat and comfort of sharing the bed. Dorian made for a very good bed partner, except for the eventual blanket stealing.

He also liked the fact that Dorian would massage his bad knee every night they were together. It was doing wonders to it. He had been very apprehensive to have magic used on him, but ultimately he decided to trust Dorian. In the end, Dorian also trusted him to take care of his needs. That is what Dorian was doing to him too... taking care of his needs. Yeah. A mutual, beneficial, no strings attached relationship. 

Bull frowned when another though crossed his mind. Dorian had been very suspicious of everyone... which was normal since he was from Tevinter and he expected everyone to hate him. He barely got out of his room or the library when he first arrived, but now he was a common sight at the tavern as well. Drinking ale of all things! With... his chargers. He could see Krem and Dorian talking and laughing, Dalish getting more ale for both of them while the rest played cards and asked Dorian over. He was really satisfied when he found that Dorian could go so well with all of them.

Satisfied... the word feels wrong for some reason. No, he wasn't just satisfied, but something else entirely that he couldn't name. Bull pushed the memory into a neat corner of his mind to process later. Then he opened his eye to look at Dorian and Bull was left breathless. The sun had already risen enough so that the first rays of light could go through the window and splashed on them, the blanket had somehow fallen from the bed, exposing Dorian's skin to the sun and it practically glowed. He could see his perfect body, kept through rigorous training.

 _Shit_... Bull had talked about possessiveness with Dorian during sex, but now he actually *felt* it. He wanted to wake up and see Dorian like that every night. He wanted no one else to touch him. He wanted Dorian to keep massaging his bad keep at night. He wanted to make him melt under his touch, make him relax after a good session and kiss him until the end of time. He wanted to protect him. To make him *his*. To make him... Kadan.

The revelation hit him hard and not at all at the same time, like remembering something that he knew for a long time. He brought his free hand to Dorian's neck and started rubbing it softly with soothing motions. Dorian moaned and relaxed to the touch. Bull slid carefully off the bed, letting Dorian into a comfortable position. He picked the blanked up and tugged Dorian into it. Then, Bull got his pants and harness on before heading to the kitchen to get breakfast for Dorian. He had never done this for anyone, but he figured it was time to show him that he actually cared for more than just sex. 

He didn't know where their relationship would go or evolve into, and normally he would simply have backed off. But now he found himself wanting to pursue it and find out.  _What the Qun doesn't know can't hurt it_.

Grabbing probably more food than necessary for both of them into a tray, to the disapproving glares of the kitchen staff, he went back to his room where Dorian awaited, smiling to all the ideas he was having about teasing him awake.


	11. Doubts (Dorian/Iron Bull)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dorian reflects on his relationship with The Iron Bull during the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this as it came to my mind, so excuse any glaring mistakes.

He can't sleep. Not with all that is going on on his head, not counting the headache from the last night's drinking. He had expected Bull to be a person that didn't care much for his bed partner for the night after they had their fun, like what he knew from experience in Tevinter. Even though they had silently agreed to a relationship with no strings attached, after they had their fun Bull would surprisingly be very caring. Once he actually fell asleep on Bull's bed, waking up in the middle of the night snuggled with him. He obviously left before the entirety of Skyhold would wake up, but he felt torn by doing so for some reason.

_There's no way I'm going to allow this... seed for something deeper grow. I can't._

His reasoning that night felt reasonable enough. He had already established that he didn't deserve better. And if the opportunity ever presented itself it wouldn't be with a Qunari! He was a spy for maker's sake, he could be doing this just to betray him later. So he began avoiding him. To his surprise, Bull didn't try to speak with him. He didn't know what to make of it. On one hand, if he intended to get to him and betray him later for the Qun he was pretty sure he would try to get him back, on the other hand he was a Ben-Hassrath agent and could have deduced the same he had and was waiting for him to come back after his fears had died down.

Then, one night he decided to go for a walk after he had spent the entire day in the library. It was something that he hadn't done since coming to Skyhold, because he was afraid he would be attacked by someone (he was an evil magister from Tevinter in everyone's eyes, he was sure) but the Inquisitor had assured him that it would be fine, so he took the risk. He could defend himself if needed too. He was walking on the back side of the tavern when he heard Bull and Krem voices in the middle of the tavern's usual background noise on people talking. For Bull to have chosen his usual spot close to a window seemed strange, but there probably was some reason for it.  

_"... sure he liked it." Bull finished a sentence. He was clearly drunk._

_"Hey, chief. You know how Tevinter handles these matters. He's probably just confused, and you being Qunari doesn't help considering all the propaganda they sell there. Although I do agree with you that talking to him might make things worse. Do you know what he wants?" Krem replied._

_"He wants to be left alone. But what he needs... he needs someone who can care for him. Show him that sex doesn't have to be something to be hidden and done quickly in a closet. He should have someone that takes care of him afterwards." Bull said._

_"And after Corypheus is defeated? Would you leave him to return to the Qun if you're ordered to?" Krem said, clearly deadpan. Bull took almost a minute to answer._

_"Fuck. I really like him Krem. I... I don't know. But you're right, I can't give what he needs and then leave him. He would probably be worse than he is at the moment." Bull said. He heard a chair moving._

_"Leaving already chief?"_

_"Yeah, thank you Krem"._

_"Horns up"._

Bull was right, like usual. To know that Bull hadn't been ordered to get close to Dorian and that he actually cared for him hurt more than the alternative, knowing that they couldn't stay together. And so Dorian went back to his room and drank to drown the hole in his chest.

Then came the Storm Coast operation to try to get an alliance with the Qun. He would never forget the look on Bull's face when he knocked on his door when they returned and was told he was Tal-Vashoth now. He could read him for the first time and seeing all the pain, sorrow and fear made him forget all the prejudice he had been subjected to in Tevinter and let Bull into his room. For the first time he just let Bull talk about whenever he needed to talk about, mainly his past and his fears, remaining himself mostly silent and comforting him the best he could. Dorian knew that he wouldn't talk about that with just anyone, and knowing that he had been the one Bull chose made him feel light and his heart swell. Bull crashed on his bed that night, pulling Dorian close to him as if he could disappear at any moment. However, come morning Bull was gone, and Dorian thought that Bull must have been ashamed of showing his weakness.

He went to talk to Bull the next day, and he was happy to see Bull being his old self again, throwing innuendos and jokes at him the whole night. The next couple of weeks were spent with a lot of sex, but it was different. There was a growing sense of intimacy, Bull's possessiveness of him showed more than ever through the bite marks and the occasional possessive pronoun Bull would use when addressing him. However, he was still expecting the whole thing to fall apart at any moment and couldn't accept the relationship they had out of fear. Until tonight.

He could say that their situation had somewhat reversed. Dorian had received a letter during the day informing him of Felix's death. He went to the tavern to drink in his honor, but ended up drinking way too much. When Bull appeared he just sat in front of him and waited in silence. He just found himself talking about his time with Felix, and how he was a better person for knowing him. He couldn't remember when he had arrived on Bull's room, but he figured Bull must have picked him up brought him there. He didn't do anything else other than give him a massage, taking off his clothes and snuggle with him for the night. It was such a simple thing, and yet, it felt like when Felix brought him food from the kitchen after a long day of research.

Finally opening his eyes he looked at Bull. Bull was obviously still asleep, being so early. Bull had an arm around him, keeping him close and he could see a faint smile on his face. Dorian noticed how relaxed Bull was, much more than normal. He brought his hand to Bull's face, and he was pleased to see Bull actually move his head into his hand, seeking the contact. He couldn't believe just how much an ex-spy from the Qun trusted him, a mage from Tevinter. 

He decided then to find a way to show Bull just how important he was to him for providing something he had given hope a long time ago. Dorian snuggled again against Bull using his shoulder as a pillow and tried to sleep the rest of the night, his last thought being that he would not trade this for anything in the world.


	12. A little piece of home (Dorian/Iron Bull)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Iron Bull doesn't say it, but there is one thing is misses from the Qun. Thankfully, it is something Dorian can provide.

The heavy steps coming up the stairs are familiar enough to Dorian for him to know that Bull was coming his way. He quickly hid the book he was reading between the rest of his books and started taking random notes on magic theory. When Bull stopped by the edge of his nook, Dorian didn't have to look up to know he was grinning at him.

"Still working Dorian? I know you 'vints have weird customs, but is the idea of dinner so foreign to you?" Bull asked with an amused tone, however Dorian could hear a hint of worry underneath.

It wasn't uncommon for Dorian to not appear for dinner when his research was interesting or promising. However, it was happening a lot more lately and Bull had certainly wondered why.

"We can have dinner in my room if you want. I might have a surprise for you." Dorian managed to say, stretching his arms over his head. It had the intended effect on Bull, with him focusing on his arms' muscles and his smile turning into a grin.

"Hmm, a surprise? Is it desert?" Bull asked, amused.

"Not quite, I'm inclined to believe that the desert I have in mind would hardly be a surprise. Now, if you'd be so kind could you go fetch us some dinner?" Dorian asked.

"You have five minutes." Bull said before leaving joyfully towards the kitchens. He knew Bull wanted to ask him what he was doing so late in the library lately, but Bull was a patient man, thankfully.

Dorian picked the book he was reading before Bull came and quickly finished the chapter.  _No new words or meanings lost, I think I am getting ready,_ Dorian thought with a smile, before getting up and leaving for his quarters.

*

True to his word, Bull stole some food from the kitchens and was at Dorian's door soon after. They sat at the small table Dorian had at the back of his room, and while he had to get a chair for Bull, the table itself was big enough for two people. Their conversation was light during their private dinner, but Bull kept trying to guess the surprise Dorian had for him. Dorian knew Bull had looked thoroughly across the room as well, but it was not something that could be seen.

"So, about that surprise..." Bull started again after they finished eating.

"I believe we still have desert to go through" Dorian said, a smirk forming in his face. He knew Bull would only be distracted by some more...  _physical_  form of entertainment.

Dorian got up from the chair, heading behind Bull and pressed his mouth near his ear. "You wouldn't want me to get hungry now, would you?" he said, nibbling the pointy ear right after. Bull groaned low at him, a sound that always seemed to make Dorian get lost in desire.

"You, bed, now." Bull said, before getting up. Dorian was already prepared, however, and was able to undo the last of his clasps in the manner of seconds and get into the bed. Bull looked at the naked form of Dorian, already hard and wanting and he literally purred with excitement.

Then, Bull took the belt from his trousers and advanced towards Dorian. He would normally use rope, but some rare nights he would use harder materials, which meant he has going to provide more pleasure to compensate.

"We're using a Nehrappan today?" Dorian asked with interest. Bull froze and looked confused at Dorian, who seemed to get confused at why he stopped. "What?..."

"Did you just use a qunlat word? I don't think I've ever taught you that one." Bull said. Dorian thought back to what he just said and sighed heavily when he realized he had just used qunlat without realizing.

" _I wanted to surprise you later during sex, but I guess now will have to do_ ". Dorian said in qunlat, looking at Bull expectantly. His pronunciation was flawless, Dorian made sure of that, but there would always be an accent there.

Dorian could see a range of emotions on Bull's face: confusion, surprise, happiness... normally Dorian couldn't read him so well, and when he could it was only because Bull would let him, which meant that Dorian was more than successful at surprising him. After some seconds in silence, Bull managed to say "W-what? You never told me that you spoke qunlat".

Dorian smiled at him and replied now in common. "That's because I didn't speak it. Let's just say that I've studied the language and had some practice with some of the very few Tal-Vashoth around Skyhold in the past few months. It was hard to do without you noticing, mind you. Did you like the surprise?"

Bull placed the belt he had in his hands on top of the bed and pulled Dorian to him, kissing him hard. It was the first time Bull had kissed him like this. His kisses were normally followed by bites on his neck and the squeezing of his ass, but this time all his attention was in the kiss itself, his hands used only to hold Dorian in place.

Bull broke the kiss after after a while, they both panted for air and Dorian felt like he was floating away in pleasure.

"Why?" Bull asked.

"I noticed that whenever another Qunari were here in Skyhold and they greeted you in qunlat you would get a strange smile on your face before replying. It took a while for me to understand what it meant, but then I also noticed that you would get the same expression whenever you talked about the Qun, so I put two and two together. You missed speaking qunlat with someone. Besides, you speak Tevene, so it only seemed fair." Dorian explained.

"I could just go talk to the other Tal-Vashoth if I wanted to..." Bull replied. However, his face softened and his eye gleamed with affection.

"Please, I know you don't particularly like Tal-Vashoth. And besides, what would you talk about? It just seemed better to just learn it so we could have private conversations in public." Dorian said with a shrug, smiling at the end.

Bull seemed lost in thought for a second, then he caressed Dorian's jaw with his thumb before adding in qunlat with a soft smile "That's what you have been doing in the library all this time? I... thank you. This matters more than you might realize". Then his smiled morphed into a grin and added "Do you think I would be able to make you scream in qunlat during sex?" It seemed that the very thought made Bull hard.

"Only one way to find out" Dorian replied in kind with a grin of his own and pulling Bull back into another kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Why am I such a sucker for comfort and fluff? I've been thinking about doing a crossover between two fandoms... The other is very story oriented and ongoing (totally not an MMO, and totally not a Final Fantasy game).
> 
> Anyway, comments are always appreciated.
> 
> PS: Forgot to mention that Nehrappan means belt in Qunlat, according to the wiki.


	13. The biggest secret (M!Lavellan/Iron Bull)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bull begins to suspect something far deeper than stress and working with humans is causing Mahanon grief. When he becomes Tal-Vashoth and Mahanon talks to him, he learns a heavy secret about the Inquisitor.
> 
> Why couldn't there still be elves that were immortal? This is a small AU piece that came to mind and I wanted to explore how a Lavellan, who was used to see people he cared about die on him, would cope with the burden of seeing Bull fall apart.

The first time Bull saw Mahanon in the Storm Coast he thought that he was going to be an arrogant and stuck up type of person. The way he walked and talked, using some older words gave the impression that he thought himself above others. However, he had to revise his first impression of him soon after. When they talked about the Charger's and what they could bring to the Inquisition he seemed more interested in listening to Bull speak and was very polite, which left Bull a bit confused. Mahanon also sounded a lot wiser than he looked, the mention that Bull was a Ben-Hassrath barely changed his opinion in accepting Bull, as long as Bull sent his reports through their spymaster first.

But as time passed he started to notice something strange. Every time he would turn away from one of his inner circle, or every time he looked at the soldiers sparing in the training arena or watching him and his Charger's have a good time, he would put a face of grief. Bull tried to understand, and if possible he wanted to help him. He was surprised then when one day Mahanon started flirting with him. He normally wouldn't go to bed with his employer, his friend even, as it might complicate things a great deal, but he trusted Mahanon to separate personal affairs from the Inquisition's. And if he was able to help Mahanon, then it would be all worth it.

Still, every night after they decided to get some actual sleep (Mahanon sure knew how to satisfy a man, it was incredible how flexible he was) he could sometimes see some grief in his face. He has questioned Mahanon one night about it, but he just signed and said that he would talk about it when the time was right. Bull let the issue drop, since he could clearly see that talking about it would not help him. It went too deep and too far back, but their nights together had at least made him smile a lot more around Skyhold and Bull was glad he had been able to help to some extent.

Then came the day Bull dreaded the most. He had to choose between his Chargers and the Qun. Ultimately he let Mahanon choose for him, accepting whatever order he received. He could not deny the relief he felt when Mahanon told him to sound the retreat and save the Chargers, however he had been declared Tal-Vashoth and for the first time The Iron Bull felt fear. Fear of becoming mad, a bad person, a bad lover, of hurting everyone he cared about. He was falling apart. Then, after the assassination attempt at the Skyhold's battlements Mahanon decided he had had enough.

_You are a good man._

Bull heard Mahanon say and he felt anger swell within him. How could Mahanon tell him that with the conviction he did? He doesn't know the effect the Qun has on its followers, they need the Qun to remain sane... _bound_.

_You don't know me. It is best if you stay away from me, I don't want to hurt you._

He expected Mahanon to close up in his grief and walk away. However Mahanon just sighed, grabbed his hand and brought him to the Inquisitor's Quarters where he now waited. He wanted to leave and drink with his Chargers... maybe seeing what he traded the Qun for would put his mind at ease a little bit.

"You are a good man" Mahanon said again, moving to look through the window. The day was dark, with clouds obscuring the sun and making the mountain air colder than usual. Bull was about to reply when Mahanon interrupted.

"I will speak, and you will listen." Mahanon said and waited. His tone was not the usual one he used in official Inquisition business. He had never heard him speak in that tone before: demanding but expecting consent. Bull realized it was a tone Mahanon reserved for people he cared about when he had to have a tough conversation, so Bull nodded and saw a smile on creep up on Mahanon's face.

"You asked me once why I show grief after I talk to someone I know. The reason is connected to why I know why you are a good person and why you will be capable of remaining so without the Qun". Mahanon said, turning to Bull and showing nothing but affection in his eyes.

"You can say that the reason I grief after being with someone I care about is because I know someday they will die." Mahanon let the words cling in the air while Bull processed them. "Do you understand?"

"Everyone dies eventually" Bull said, getting somewhat confused.

"And yet, I'm still alive" Mahanon said, getting closer. Bull couldn't help it but take a step back. There was something in the elf's eyes that he had never seen before.

"I don't understand. Are you saying that... you..." then it dawned on him. It made perfect sense, everything would fall into place... the grief, the way Mahanon talked and how wise he was, but it couldn't be. It was impossible. "Are you immortal?"

Mahanon closed his eyes this time and looked away.

"Yes".

"Shit, seeing the people you care about die while you live on must be... taxing. A curse even. Do you know why you're still immortal?"

"It is both a curse and a blessing, and I don't know why I've retained my immortality when many others did not, maybe I was blessed by one of the gods, maybe it was just luck. While I see people die all the time, I also get to know people I wouldn't have ever get to meet otherwise. I once believed Tevinter was full of slavers and blood magic fanatics, but people like Dorian proved me wrong. I once thought that all shemlens were self centered and selfish, but people like Cassandra proved me wrong. I once thought that Qunari only thought about their sense of duty and cared nothing for others... and then Qunari like you proved me wrong". Bull felt something deep within him stir, something he knew was there before but tried to ignore. 

"I've come to realize that there will always be someone out there, if not now then in the future, that will be capable of teaching me something new. For that I am grateful that I remain immortal. However, it doesn't stop me from grieving people that have died, hence the face you see me put from time to time." Mahanon said. Then he raised a hand and touched Bull's jaw, caressing with his thumb.

"And what have I taught you?" Bull asked, swallowing dryly.

"That no matter what your duty asks of you, you should follow what you believe is right. When I told you to sound the retreat, you could have disobeyed me to follow your duty to the Qun, but you didn't. You remained true to what you believed was right and that was the trust your men put in you, and you didn't disappoint them. Can you see yourself here, still a Qunari, and having sacrificed the Chargers? Can you imagine them dead in service of the Qun?" Mahanon asked, his voice still calm.

"Katoh! Please, don't make me think it" Bull said abruptly, drawing away from Mahanon and turning from him.

"It's alright, ma vhenan. I won't. But that is the reason why I say to you that you are a good person. You are nothing like the other Tal-Vashoth. You became one because you decided to save the lives of what the Qun just considers some _bas,_ and not because you wanted to free yourself and potentially kill innocent people. You have your own little Qun in the Chargers, and if you'll have me, on myself. That is why I have complete trust in you." Mahanon explained, placing a hand on Bull's shoulders.

Bull turned around and nodded. Mahanon was right, he would not become a madman as long as he had his Chargers and his lover... yes his lover, as his side. Bull picked Mahanon up and kissed him like his life depended on it. It probably did. After a minute spent kissing Bull drew away and laughed. Mahanon give him a puzzled look in between pants.

"After all this talk I kinda forgot to ask the most obvious question... how old are you, exactly?"

Mahanon frowned and appeared to be in deep thought for a second before answering. "I don't really know for certain, but I was born after my people had first encountered dwarfs but before the shemlens started exploring Thedas, so at least four but not more than five thousand years".

Bull's eye widened. "You mean you are between four and five thousand years old? This shit's weird." Bull said, shaking his head in disbelief. "Is there any way you can die, other than old age?" Bull said, suddenly serious.

"I can't die of old age, and I haven't gotten any potentially fatal disease, so I don't know if it is actually impossible for me to die from one. But I can still die easily to a sword or a spell." Mahanon explained, and Bull embraced him with his strong arms, making him feel safe. Then, in a clear attempt to lighten the mood, Bull asked him with a smirk.

"I guess I don't want to know how many lovers you've had in these few thousands of years, then?"

Mahanon laughed and then shrugged "You're taking the news way better than I expected. I've had less lovers than you might think though. I had just one in the first few hundreds of years since all elves were immortal and I was quite content with whom I had the pleasure of sharing my heart with. But as most of us started aging and dying I found it hard to be that close to anyone and wait for them to die. I haven't heard of any other elf like me, so I would only get that close to someone if the grief of losing them was outweighed by the time spent with them. I've had many bed partners, but it was just for sex and nothing else. In terms of something serious, you'd be my eleventh."

"That is a very restrict group" Bull said, caressing Mahanon. "And one I'm more than glad to be part of, Kadan". Mahanon smiled and leaned his face on Bull's chest, accepting the fleeting warmth of life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am sorry if it feels a bit rushed, I'm the kind of person that writes as inspiration strikes and then can't be arsed to improve the first draft for long. This was meant to be just the reaction to Bull discovering Mahanon was immortal and ended up being the Tal-Vashoth drama as well (I love way too much to mess with my character's feels...). I can't bring myself to care.
> 
> I hope you enjoyed it.


	14. So... you and the chief, huh? (M!Adaar/Iron Bull)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Flash chapter! So, I've been playing a bit and I felt that an extension to Krem's comment when the Inquisitor decides to commit to his relationship with The Iron Bull was needed.

"So, you and the chief, huh? Good for you two. Hope the big idiot makes you happy." Krem said, raising his mug.

"Thanks. I hope to make The Iron Bull happy as well." Adaar said, giving a quick glance to said person who drank on the table nearby.

"Oh, you do. I just hope you really want to be serious with him. He might look like he can take anything and keep a hold of himself, but ever since the Qun declared him Tal-Vashoth he needs someone to give him a reason to continue, something to protect, come back to, to ground him. We the Chargers do what we can, but it doesn't seem to be enough." Krem confesses with a serious look.

"I've noticed. He has... special needs that the Chargers can't really provide him, nor would he ask any of you to." Adaar says. Krem tilts his head curiously, but doesn't ask further.

"You know..." Krem says after a moment. "He doesn't show his soft side to just anyone. I've seen it a couple of times, when a Charger gets injured, but you bring it out of him without effort. Be sure to treasure what you two have." Krem points out, taking a sip of his tankard.

"I know" Adaar replied, touching his dragon tooth necklace and noticing Bull looking at him and beckoning him over. "I know..." he said again, thinking that he was the luckiest man in Thedas as he approached Bull and was pulled into a kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I case you're wondering, all the same pairings happen in the same universe. This means that the M!Adaar/Iron Bull fics here are in the same universe as the "Charging into the Valo-Kas" fic. You shouldn't have to think too much to know where I'll be going next with this pairing (if you read my other fic).


	15. True Power (Dorian/Iron Bull)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> At first Bull didn't realize where Dorian had found the strength for such a strong spell that obliterated their enemy in one blow, a few weeks later he discovers why.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More feelings, because why not?  
> Didn't come out as well as I hoped it would, but I want to practice my flash writing.  
> I might write another chapter later today. I'm also starting to feel an itch to just write some slice of life. Hmmm...
> 
> Anyway, comments are always appreciated :)

It was just another rift. It didn't seem or feel any different than the others. If anything, it was being easier than normal. The first wave had just a couple of fear demons and desire demon. Nothing that couldn't he handled in a couple of minutes. Honestly, the constant rain of the Storm Coast was more annoying than these demons.

However, the rift shifted violently and increased in size rapidly and a massive green light appeared. He heard Evelyn shout for Dorian to cast Dispel, but the spell had no effect on the massive summoning circle that was connected to the rift. From there, a massive pride demon came through. Bull didn't wait a second and struck a heavy blow on the demon. He heard Evelyn trying to get the demon's attention but it was too late. Bull saw the demon take a massive whip out of nothing and it hit him to fast he could barely process the need to dodge. Bull went flying and hit a wall of rock with a sickening sound, losing consciousness immediately.

Dorian froze, a fear he hadn't known about filling him from head to toe.

"Bull?" he said.  _No. No no no no no._

Dorian turned to face the demon, and in his mind had one single thought as he drowned himself in all the magical power he had left: he was going to obliterate that asshole off the face of Thedas.

Evelyn felt the energy filling the air and then he heard small electrical shocks all around her. Electricity was arching on the ground, in the air, between her fingers... She looked at Varric and said "Take cover, or I fear we will be taken down with that demon". They moved behind Dorian as the demon took a few steps towards the unconscious Bull.

"I will not let you lay another finger on him, you bastard!" Dorian yelled as he cried, and with a quick motion of this staff the sky lit up and a giant thunderbolt descended, striking the demon. The demon shrieked and dissipated. Evelyn took the opportunity to close the rift, just in time to see Dorian fall to his knees, shaking.

*

A few days later they had both recovered. Dorian had been given a lyrium potion and he was back on his feet after a good night's rest. Maybe back on his feet is a bad analogy because he sat next to Bull almost the entire time the small giant recovered. Bull had some broken bones, but other than that he was relatively well, considering.

What Bull didn't understand was how the mage has capable of killing a pride demon with a single blow. He wouldn't have believed it had he not seen it, he had just regained his consciousness when he saw the giant thunderbolt hit the demon. He knew Dorian had lost control and used every bit of his power, he just didn't know Dorian had _that_ much power in him. Not only did it go against Dorian's way of handling magic as it was extremely dangerous. Fortunately the only casualty was the demon.

When they found themselves alone in Bull's room a few days later, Dorian started the conversation Bull knew they were going to have.

"Bull, don't ever do anything like that again" Dorian said .

"What are you talking about? Taking you to my room over my shoulder for everyone to see?" Bull teased. He saw Dorian blush slightly but also growing angrier.

"Well, yes. That too. But I mean what happened in the Storm Coast. Don't ever charge head first against an opponent stronger than you" Dorian said with an edge on his tone.

"I've done that before and you've never said anything, even if I got some injuries out of it." Bull said. Bull didn't really understand what had happened to trigger Dorian so hard. Dorian began shaking and Bull tried to pull him into his arms, but he just turned away.

"I thought I had lost you" he confessed. "I thought I would never heard your annoying voice again, your stupid innuendos and jokes. See your horrible pants... You passed out when you hit that rock and I... and I... I just lost it." Bull could clearly see that he was trying not to cry.

"Hey, I'm ok. You saved me, and I'm not going anywhere." Bull tried to reassure him. "I promise I won't do that again". Dorian then turned around and hugged Bull tightly, whispering "I will hold you to that".

*

A few weeks later the episode was all but forgotten in Bull's mind. Specially when Evelyn had chosen to take him, Dorian and Sera to hunt the high dragons in the Emprise du Lion. There were three, _THREE_ dragons there and Bull couldn't be any happier. The same couldn't be said for Dorian, who constantly complained about the cold and only made Bull grin.

The first two dragons were ice dragons, and they were magnificent. They were also strong, so they spent almost a week just to rest and defeat those two dragons and to be ready to fight the third and last one. The last dragon was said to be a fire dragon, according to the scouts, and so they prepared accordingly. From fire resistance potions to ice staffs and ice runes.

However, Bull's excitement was cut short when the dragon shrieked, stunning them momentarily and calling several dragonlings. When he recovered, he saw the dragon throw a fireball in Dorian's direction. The barrier had worn off while they were stunned and Dorian had no time to cast another one or even dodge. It hit him right where he stood, engulfing him in a circle of fire. After the fire dissipated, there was nothing but a hole in the ground.

He felt like there was a piece of him missing. The feeling was so strange and foreign that he did nothing for a moment but look at where Dorian had stood. Evelyn yelled something and Sera kept using explosive arrows to keep the dragon away. Then, Bull started seeing red and the thought never left his mind.  _Dorian is gone._  Next thing he remembers he his panting next to a dead dragon and Sera was running towards Evelyn who was next to a body.  _Dorian!_ Bull ran towards them and heard Evelyn say to Sera.

"... melted under him but he used an ice spell to anchor himself under the ice sheet, so I was able to pull him."

"I don't ever want to repeat that, I'm freezing. Is the dragon dead?" Dorian asked, getting up weakly and shaking badly. Evelyn nodded, then Dorian drew a glyph in the air and the water on him started evaporating, humming at the sensation. His gaze crossed Bull's and he frowned at what he was seeing. Bull was panting heavily still and he was walking towards him with a face he had never seen on him before. After Evelyn made sure Dorian is ok, she left Dorian to Bull and headed towards the dragon with Sera to start scavenging.

Bull just picks him up and hugs him, whispering in a heavy voice that neither Bull or Dorian remembered "I think I know what you felt that day, I'm sorry." Then it dawns on Dorian how his sudden disappearance might have looked to Bull. To know that Bull was so affected, to know he wasn't just a friend with benefits but something more, made Dorian smile against Bull's neck, even if the concept terrified him. "Let's stay alive, shall we?" he hears himself say and Bull tightens his embrace on Dorian in response.

 


	16. Shards of my heart (M!Adaar/Iron Bull & Dorian)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dorian learns that both Maraas Adaar and The Iron Bull are no longer within his grasp. He decides to drink in an attempt to forget, but it doesn't go as smoothly as he had wanted it to be.

The tavern is almost full, being the start of the night. Bull is missing, but Maraas is present to his dismay. Dorian watches from his spot in the tavern to where the Charger's are drinking and singing. The bard, Maryden, looked a bit flustered because her singing was being easily muffled by them, but settled when Maraas bought her a drink with an apologetic look. Maraas... maybe if Dorian had been more brave, more confident...

Dorian found Maraas attractive: big, angular face, big, quite muscular, big, green eyes... big... He even had flirted with Dorian soon after they met, but of course Dorian had to evade and look uninterested, because fucking Tevinter and the thought of actually bedding a Qunari, even if he was Vashoth. Maraas eventually stopped trying, to Dorian's expectation, even if it hurt more than he cared to show.

Then came The Iron Bull. He wasn't as attractive as Maraas, but he was... bigger, if that could even be possible. He was scarred too, a lot more than Maraas, and a lot more bulky as well. He _hated_ that Bull liked to go around shirtless (an harness doesn't count) and that he loved to wore some atrocious circus pants. He was also a lot more direct with his flirting than Maraas, doing so in public loving to tease Dorian in the most inappropriate of places. Several weeks went by like that and Bull never stopped. Maybe his _super spy powers_ allowed him to see that Dorian actually liked being teased and flirted with deep down, he was just about to get enough courage to answer to the flirting when he suddenly did stop. It hadn't taken a lot to see that he was now bedding the Inquisitor, but Dorian had been able to pretend it wasn't true until Cole read their thoughts next to him, revealing just how deep they actually cared for one another. He did not have to ask Cole to stop talking, he stopped on his own when he felt he had hurt Dorian pretty badly. He apologized and tried to help, but it was too late. It was the reason why he was in the tavern right now, drinking to forget what could have been. It was probably for the best anyway, either relationship with him would have ended sooner or later, so better it to end before it even began.

Maraas had joined the Chargers in singing now. It was clear that he truly loved to spend time with them, which made Bull beam when he saw or heard about it. Even Dorian liked to spend time with them when Bull wasn't around, they were a good bunch. Loud, sure, but a good bunch. Dorian sighed heavily into his drink and finished it. His wine stash sure had decided it was the perfect day to run dry, leaving him with the _horrible_ Ferelden ale and a forced visit to the tavern in the day he most wanted to be alone.

Soon after, Bull arrived. Whatever he had been doing it sure was important to keep him from the tavern this long. Sure enough, he put the biggest smile on his face to date when he saw Maraas with his Chargers, joining them. They were singing something about a Nug that found it's way into a hole when Bull just lifted Maraas from his chair and kissed him. Right in the middle of the tavern, his brain added. He felt his heart shatter and a multitude of emotions cursed through him. His legs went weak, his stomach twisted, he felt a lump on his throat and his vision wavered. It was if shards of his heart had spread through his body.

He got up, shaking badly and calmly left through the tavern's door into the cold night's air.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to the start of my first OT3 ever (or the begginings of it). The chapter is rather small, but look at it as the prologue to the relationship.  
> First off, this Adaar is not the same from the M!Adaar/Iron Bull pairing (it should be obvious from the different first name, but there you go).  
> Second, this pairing will see the relationship develop slowly to a M!Adaar/Iron Bull/Dorian.  
> Finally, to differentiate this Maraas from Kaaras, Maraas' past before the Valo-Kas diverges from the canon version of events quite a lot, although he tells everyone the canon version.
> 
> Also, am I a bad person to start it off like this?


	17. Keeping the head above water (M!Adaar/Iron Bull & Dorian)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maraas and Bull talk after a poor night's rest, Dorian tries to keep himself together and Maraas is a tease. Also Sera.

Maraas had noticed, and he was sure that The Iron Bull had also noticed. He had thought Dorian wasn't interested in Qunari, but apparently he had not the insight to see that it wasn't for him being disinterested that he didn't return the flirting way back at Haven. Maraas was also angry. Angry at Dorian for not saying anything, at himself for not noticing sooner and at Tevinter for their stupid views on distilling the perfect mage and making Dorian the way he is. He still found the small mage to be attractive and cared for him, and seeing the way he left the tavern after his kiss with Bull had left him crestfallen. Unfortunately there was nothing to be done, and so he let him go. Nothing he had to say would make him feel better. Still...

Bull shifted next to him and started massaging his shoulder with the arm he had under Maraas. "Good morning, boss" he said, voice still slurred lightly with sleep.

"G'morning Bull" Maraas replied. He knew Bull would be waiting for him to say what was wrong since they had skipped sex for the first time last night.

"Did you notice how Dorian left the tavern last night? Do you know why?" Maraas asked. He was not one to get worked up over other's feelings and hoped the night would make him feel better, but there he was with a bad night's sleep because of it.

"Is this why you barely slept?" Bull asked interested. "I don't really know why, but I used to flirt a lot with him, remember? I knew that he was interested but I had not expected him to react that way last night. He never seemed too bothered when I mentioned the serving girls." Bull said casually, shrugging at the last bit.

"That's because I used to flirt with him back at Haven before you joined." Bull opened his eye and looked at Maraas as he sat on the bed and lowered his head.

"That explains a lot. I had no idea you were also interested in him, why didn't it work out?" Bull moved behind Maraas and started massaging his shoulders, waiting for the reply.

"He seemed disinterested at the time, thought he wasn't into Qunari then, so I stopped. Looking back I see now that he was in fact, he was just trying to protect himself and I was too blind to see it." Maraas confessed, his voice heavy.

"Would you rather be with him?" Bull asked. Maraas knew he was trying to sound casual, but somehow he knew he was apprehensive.

"I would not leave you now Bull, or ever for that matter." Maraas said with a sign and leaning his head on Bull's hands that were still over his shoulders. "There isn't anything we can do now. I really hope he can find someone"

"You know..." Bull said in his deep voice, pressing kisses on Maraas's neck and biting lightly. "We could always ask him if he wants to join us". Maraas looked at him and felt himself blush for the first time in years.

"Shit... I really like that idea. You sure?" Maraas asked, and Bull just smiled and bit more strongly as a reply. "You think Dorian would be into it?"

"Eventually. With what happened last night it will take some time for him to _open up_ to us, but we can work him up" Bull mentioned, trying not to laugh at himself.

"I'd like that. And I think I have an idea on how to begin" Maraas said enthusiastically and then added with a suggestive grin. "I think you deserve a prize for that idea alone".

"Do I now? Let's see if I can take all ideas off your head before Josephine comes and drags you naked to the war room" Bull says, pushing Maraas back into the bed, kissing him on the way down.

*

Dorian was not hiding. It just so happened that the crows were making a little bit too much noise for his liking and working on his room would be degrading. So a small room in the most isolated section of Skyhold would do nicely. The window provided a quite nice view of the Frostback Mountains, even if the room was a bit... dusty. And full of spider webs. And all the furniture was broken... but the table and the chair were usable at least!

Focusing back on the book he had brought from the library to research he started reading the first paragraph. By the middle of it he was already seeing Bull and Maraas kissing in the tavern the day before.

"Vishante Kaffas!" he swore, breaking the quill in the process and throwing it against the wall. He placed his elbows on the table and hid his face on his hands.

"Shit, it's no fun if you're like that!"

Dorian looked between his fingers and saw Sera with a rather large sack under her arm. He placed one hand over his chest and bowed slightly. "What can I do for you, Sera? If you want to prank me go ahead."

"No fun at all, yeah? That's creepy by the way! You're all sad and polite. Stop it". Sera said, placing the sack on the ground near the door. The comment did bring a sad smile on Dorian's face. "See, that's better, even if it is still a bit creepy. Why are you hiding in here anyway?".

"I am not hiding! I was just tired of hearing those damned birds up in the library" Dorian said, trying to convince Sera or himself he didn't know.

"Whatever. Just go back to your sparkly self so I can have some fun, yeah?" Sera replies, picking her sack and opening the door. "I'll just go prank Solas or something, even he is more fun than you today".

"Please do, and if anyone asks for me please tell them I'm busy. I'd like to be alone today." Dorian mentions.

"Just today? You seem to want to be alone every day. There is a reason people still dislike you in Skyhold, you know?" Sera said, making a face. "I'll say this just one time, so open your listening bits. You are not that bad. For a mage. From Tevinter. But I only know this because we were together out there with Adaar. People only see what you let them see, in your case a magister from Tevinter who only cares for himself".

"I... thank you Sera." Dorian said, a bit surprised by Sera's words as she left, seeing the truth in them, but right now he couldn't bring himself to care. Then he realized.

_I drove them away... even this far from Tevinter I'm still bound by its rules and expectations. It was entirely *my* fault._

"Vishante Kaffas! I did not come to the Inquisition to make fool of myself. I will get over this stupid situation and help Maraas to the best of my abilities" Dorian said to himself, grabbing the book in front of him and heading towards the library to continue his research on Corypheus.

*

Dorian had just returned to his nook at the library when he heard the distinct sound of heavy steps coming up the stairs. Knowing full well who was coming up the stairs, Dorian prepared himself mentally and opened a book to look like he was there the whole morning. Seconds later he heard Maraas asking "Dorian?"

Dorian looked up from his book. "Yes, Inquisitor?"

"I want you to be ready to go to Emprise du Lion with me at dawn. Is that ok?" Maraas asked, crossing his arms in front of him. Dorian tried to not look at the way his clothes highlighted his muscular arms.

"Absolutely." Internally Dorian was cursing his luck.  _Another frozen wasteland... great._ But then another thought came to him. "Who will accompany us if I may ask?"

Maraas remained silent for a second as if considering whether to tell him or not, finally he said "The Iron Bull and Cole. If you have no further questions I have to go, Josephine is expecting me. I will explain the mission during the trip".

"Of course, I'll see you tomorrow then Inquisitor" Dorian replied casually and Maraas left, hiding a knowing smile on his face.

_Me, Adaar and Bull in the same mission with a spirit that can read minds and most of the time isn't even present. Oh this will be lovely._

Cursing his luck, he decided to take his mind off the issue by getting some actual work done. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like Maraas Adaar likes to tease a lot, but is a lot more subtler than Bull.
> 
> I apologize for the slow updates, but between work, some writer's block (and possibly the fact that I'm playing the game again) I find myself not writing as much. Anyway, I have the next chapter for All that glitters is not gold half written, but I'm not happy with it, so it might take a while to be posted. Just a reminder to tell you I haven't forgotten it.
> 
> The next chapter of this story might contain some smut. I mean, Emprise du Lion is *very* cold, right? Expect Dorian to be confused as hell.


	18. Hurting the hurt (M!Adaar/Iron Bull & Dorian)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The plan is set in motion and Dorian wants to be alone. Bull knows perfectly well that for something to get better most of the times it has to get worse first.

He had expected the trip to Emprise du Lion to be awkward, at least on his end. He was surprised, then, to see Maraas keep a light conversation between everyone in the group during the day and if he and Bull did something during the night they were at least discreet enough about it for him not to notice. Not that his resolve was not being tested by the hour, since Bull was shirtless as usual and Maraas' leather armour left little to the imagination. He had thought that sleeping with Cole in the same tent was going to be strange, him being a spirit and all, but Cole apparently didn't need sleep, or at least he didn't seem to, as he never went to the tent. Sleeping alone wasn't something Dorian wasn't used to by now, anyway. The worst was the cold... he had brought an extra blanket, but it proved to be incapable of warding it off.

They had just arrived at the Inquisition camp at the end of the day and decided to call it a day and start surveying the Venatori's activities first thing in the morning. Maraas had explained that Venatori had apparently taken over Suledin Keep and a quarry to grow and harvest red lyrium, and they were off to investigate, reclaim the keep and stop them if possible. Which meant that they were going to stay there quite some time, attacking a keep is difficult and requires careful planning. Sighing internally, Dorian took a spot near the fire the scouts had already got going and tried his best to warm up. Maraas was talking to a scout while Bull sat on the other side of the fire, cleaning his weapon from the fights they had with several packs of wolves and bears during the day. Cole was nowhere to be seen, but then again it wasn't unusual.

Then he noticed that he had been lost in thought while looking directly at Bull, who now looked at him with a sly smile on his face.

"What?" Dorian asked, exasperated, focusing on the fire in front of him. Bull chuckled.

"Nothing. You just seemed very interested in my weapon cleaning abilities. Are you interested in my services?" Bull replied, moving his eyebrows up and down suggestively.

Dorian was stunned. Maraas was just on the other side of camp, at hearing range, and Bull just... just... "What do you think you're doing? Maraas is right there!" he asks suddenly, gesturing as if he was yelling while speaking just high enough for Bull to hear him.

Bull laughed out loud but a few moments later he tilted his head and with the calculated motion of a single eyebrow rising he said "Wait... you thought I was being serious?"

Dorian was speechless, feeling the blood rising to his cheeks as he stared open eyed at Bull. Bull grinned at him and just added "Good to know".

"I was just indignant that you would offer... _cleaning weapon services_... when you're with the Inquisitor!" Dorian stuttered, standing up, but he knew Bull would have noticed him blushing.  _Curse him._

"Hey! Calm down big guy. Sex is sex, and me and the boss have an agreement over that sort of thing. If you're interested I can always stop by your tent, or Maraas if he's more of your type of guy. I can even ask him if you want." Bull said. He failed to mention that the agreement only extended to Dorian, but he didn't have to know.

"You! You're impossible!" Dorian yelled louder than he meant to, earning a couple of looks from nearby scouts, and then he added, lower but still angrily "I am going to my tent and I would like to be left alone, if you will".

As Dorian left his spot near the fire for his tent he still heard Bull tease him with "Just try not to freeze your footsies during the night". He felt his heart on his throat and cursing to himself he lighted the candle next to his bedroll and prepared for the night, trying to remove the image of a naked Bull and Maraas off his head.

Maraas came to the fire and sat next to Bull. Mindful of his backward extending horns, he placed his hand on the other side of his lover and kissed his shoulder before asking "So, it went well, I take it?".

Bull stopped cleaning his axe, giving it a quick look before showing it to Maraas and saying with a half smile "Yeah, I was able to take most of the stains, I just have to sharpen it now".

"Ass! You know what I meant." Maraas replied softly while he shook his head, leaning close to him. Bull chuckled.

"Yeah, I've planted the idea on his head. Now we just have to make sure it grows before he decides it is a weed and roots it out" Bull said, throwing his arm over Maraas' shoulders, feeling his thin braided ponytail before pulling him close and kissing the top of his head.

*

Dorian was hurting. He was hurting all the time, but the hurt was too deep, too tangled with his being that it was just impossible to help him without hurting him more first. But now, the hurt was different. One that Cole himself had placed upon him and made worse by Maraas without him knowing. He tried to help, but Dorian refused to listen, and now Maraas had asked him to not say anything related to Dorian's hurt during the trip until it was time. He knew what Maraas wanted him to do, and he had promised that it would help Dorian's hurt, so Cole would do as he was told.

Cole wandered invisible through the camp, hearing hurts from the scouts and trying to ignore Dorian's. However, those hurts were not difficult to heal, and he found himself with nothing to do. His mind started wandering, and then he remembered Maraas' own hurt. He had only heard it once, but it was loud and powerful. It was the first time Cole was accompanying Maraas, The Iron Bull and Dorian. He was confused, The Iron Bull and Dorian kept saying bad things at each other but they didn't hurt. In fact, it helped with Dorian's hurt. It kept Cole particularly interested in their conversations, so he could try to learn how to help other people. Cole decided to figure out how to help Maraas with his hurt if it ever came back, so he thought back to when he felt it for the first time.

> _"No Qunari would accept a Tevinter mage so easily... unless it was a ruse. When should I expect a knife in the back?"_
> 
> _"You ever use that fancy magic of yours to burn down a dormitory full of kids?"_
> 
> _"Err... not today."_
> 
> _"Then I wouldn't worry. Lots of other people need a knife in the back first."_

Somewhere in that conversation made Maraas hurt a lot. He has walking ahead of them, so he couldn't see his face and he didn't stop moving, which also meant neither Dorian or The Iron Bull noticed it. He was pretty sure The Iron Bull could have helped had he known, but when he asked Maraas about it he ordered him to never mention it to anyone, ever. He thought about it very hard, but he reached no conclusion and eventually remembered that Maraas didn't hurt all the time like Dorian. It was an old hurt, one that he had learned to accept and live with, only feeling it if exposed, so he decided to let him decide if and when he wanted Cole’s help, looking up at the stars above and wondering who puts them there every night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I did not expect to be dropping hints to Adaar's past at this point (there was already a very subtle hint on the last chapter if you're able to spot it) but I wanted to give Cole something and that happened. Cole is traveling with our trio, so it's only fair. I will expose this Adaar's past eventually, but only after our trio is happy together.
> 
> I expected to have written more by now but my life has been (and will be for the next month) quite busy. However, I'll try to update this at least once a week.


	19. Clearing the path to (un)happiness (M!Adaar/Iron Bull/Dorian)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maraas baits Dorian with the promise of warmth for the night. Dorian believes he doesn't deserve it.

Dorian drew another fire glyph in the air, causing the space inside the tend to warm for a couple of seconds before cooling down fast. To keep it warm he would have to spend a lot of energy, energy that he would have to save for the next days. Rolling in his bedroll he tried to get his blanket around him, but no avail. His teeth were chattering and his body was trembling under the covers, trying desperately to fend off the cold. Not only that, his ears and nose hurt a lot. Once again Cole did not appear to sleep, but then again, did spirits even feel cold?

His thoughts were interrupted by the sound of steps in the snow, approaching the tent. Dorian sit up quickly and placed a hand on his staff, just in case. The steps stopped at the entrance.

"Are you awake Dorian?" Maraas asked from the other side. Dorian relaxed and lighted the candle next to him.

"No, I'm sleeping like an angel in the middle of a frozen wasteland. Do you need anything?" he replied. Maraas took the opportunity to move his head inside the tent through the flap.

"It's just that we can hear your teeth chattering all the way in our tent and Bull is getting frustrated, he can't fall asleep." Marras mentioned.

"You Qunari sleep? Fascinating." Dorian said in a light tone, trying to stop his mind from visualizing both of them in a bed. Maraas just smiled and shook his head in amusement.

"You know, we Qunari give off a lot of body heat. You can join us if you want." Maraas said. His tone was light and non-suggestive but Dorian couldn't keep thinking that he would be invading private space that he was not meant to be in.

"I would actually like to  _try_ to get some sleep, thank you very much." Dorian replied, dismissively, expecting Maraas to leave. He, however, rolled his eyes and his facial expression changed. Dorian recognized it as being the one he used when he was being the Inquisitor and that he wanted to be taken seriously. Dorian swallowed dryly.

"Dorian. You have proved a long time ago that I can trust you, and therefore you are a friend of mine. I know you are cold and will probably not sleep well because of it. I am just providing you with a warmer place to sleep, I promise you."

Dorian analysed Maraas carefully. The candle provided little light, but it was enough to see that Maraas meant what he had said. "Why? You never did this for any of the others..." Dorian asked, frowning.

"You really think I never did anything for the others? I've helped Josephine regain trading connection for her familiy. I'm investigating the disappearance of the Seekers because Cassandra cares about them. I've been supporting Cullen to overcome a personal problem. I could go on, but I want you to know that I would do the same for you, because you are worth it both as an ally and as a friend", a _nd maybe as something more if you want to...,_ "I am saying you can come sleep with me and Bull because you are cold and I care. We care. You are not alone here in the south. But if you prefer to be left alone I won't bother you with this anymore." Maraas finished, taking a deep breath to steel himself for the possible refusal.

Dorian didn't know what to think. Part of him still wanted to refuse, but... Did he really care that much about him? Could he really trust him and the others? He had to know...

"What an inspiring speech Inquisitor. I... alright. The cold is bothering me and it would be bad if I didn't rest given our tasks for the next days, wouldn't it?" Dorian said, forcing a nervous smile.

"Indeed" Maraas said, relaxing considerably and giving him a wide smile. "Come then".

Maraas left the tent and Dorian soon followed, grasping his blankets around him to stop some of the cold while they moved between the tents. Dorian noticed now that Maraas was shirtless, how the two Qunari were able to withstand the cold was beyond him. Unlike Bull, who liked to be shirtless all the time, Maraas apparently enjoyed wearing light leather armor when he was out of Skyhold, so Dorian thought it was just Bull that had high tolerance to the cold. Apparently he had been wrong.

Maraas entered the tent and said nothing. When Dorian entered, Bull was grinning from one ear to the other while Maraas was already trying to get comfortable on his side. They shared a bedroll large enough for both of them, maybe even possibly a third person. Bull was on one side tapping the bedroll in the middle. "Come on, you'll be warm and sleeping in no time" Bull said in his low voice that always sent shivers down his spine.

"You mean I am supposed to sleep *with* you two on the same bed?" Dorian asked, somehow he didn't realize exactly what he was getting into.

"How the hell did you think we would be able to keep you warm? By sleeping away from us?" Bull asked deadpan. 

A thousand thoughts went through Dorian's mind.  _This is too much. I shouldn't... this will end poorly for me, I know it will. I should go back, I must go back before everyone knows._ A voice pulled him out from within his own mind.

"Dorian!" Maraas exclaimed, seeing Dorian's panic. "We're just going to sleep, nothing else"

 _Sleep... that's right. Just sleeping._  Dorian took a deep breath and tried to relax. He couldn't turn off the voice in his head saying that he could be chastised after, but the promise of a good night's sleep made up for it tonight.  _But_... "What about you two?" he asked, trying to suppress the pain in his chest that came from his implication.

"Don't worry about us. Come on, you're freezing" Bull said with an encouraging smile. 

Dorian reluctantly placed his blankets on a corner of the tent and slid inside the bedroll between Bull and Maraas. Bull shared a smile with Maraas for a moment before putting the candle out. It was strange to be so close to Maraas and Bull, but noticed that Maraas wasn't kidding about Qunari body head. He felt like he was in a furnace, which is to say that it was perfect. _Maybe I could get used to this._  Sighing happily, Dorian found a comfortable position and quickly fell asleep. Bull chuckled silently when he felt Dorian shift and getting close to him, placing an arm over his chest and using his shoulder as a pillow. Maraas took the opportunity to get close to Dorian, putting his own arm under Bull's head and over his shoulder, before falling asleep himself.

*

As Dorian woke, the first thing he noticed was the smell. He didn't recognize it, but it was somehow familiar and it made him feel safe. It was the scent of leather and earth, and something else he couldn't quite distinguish. Then he felt the warmth, like he was still back in Tevinter, but that thought made him immediately remember he had left it and joined the Inquisition, to try to make a difference. But then... where did the heat come from? He tried to move, feeling like there was something keeping him in place. _Huh?_

Exploring with his hands, he felt a soft but solid surface that was warm to the touch. He actually had his face on it as well. Then his fingers passed over something and the surface moved. "What?" he mumbled to himself, still refusing to open his eyes to face the new day.

"If you keep stroking my nipple like that I will have to make you do other things for me, big guy" a deep voice rumbled. Dorian's eyes shot open, sitting up almost immediately as soon as Bull freed him. "Bull!?" he muttered, and then he remembered the last night's events. Looking to the other side of the bedroll he saw Maraas with an eye open. "Slept well?" he asked.

"Quite" he said frantically, getting up and dressing in seconds. "I'll prepare breakfast" he added. He didn't want any of the scouts to see him coming out of Maraas' tent, so it is better to leave now while the sun is barely up. He was utterly confused by what had happened between them, even if neither Bull or Maraas looked bothered. Not because he had slept with them, it was just to keep Dorian warm as Maraas had put it, but because of how it *felt*. He had expected to have felt he had done something he shouldn't, to prevent him to from doing it again, but instead... it felt *good*. He had just spent an entire night with TWO men, let alone the fact that they were both Qunari, and he had felt _good_... _safe_... Maker, _cared for_ , even. Somehow the fact that they didn't take advantage of him, the fact that they just slept through the night, it just made it worse to understand. Why? He wasn't worthy of any of it.... 

 _'You are no son of mine_.'

Dorian felt momentarily sick. No, he was a coward and selfish man, they just didn't see it yet. And when that time comes, he has to be prepared to be cast aside once more.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The new DLC coming up left me both excited and dreading it at the same time... really worried about Bull and his relation with the Inquisitor. I'll have to finish my current playthrough to be ready for it. Oh boy...
> 
> Anyway, new chapter! Yey, I'm still alive. Once again, please let me know what you think.  
> I apologize for any errors, it was late when I wrote this.
> 
> Update: Edited the last sentence to be more coherent with its verb tenses.


	20. Resignation in the face of uncertainty (M!Adaar/Iron Bull/Dorian)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dorian decides that he has had enough.

"Come drink with us one of these days, 'vint. It would do you a ton of good" Bull had said as soon as they arrived at Skyhold.

"Perhaps" Dorian had said, making Bull give him a satisfied nod before he moved towards the tavern.

Now Dorian was enjoying himself in the Inquisitor's private bathhouse. Well, enjoying was an overstatement, although his body enjoyed the hot water his mind was stuck in the events of the past two weeks in Emprise du Lion. Besides the endless Red Templars they had fought and the demon they had to defeat to capture Suledin Keep. They had been successful, however those were not the events on his mind. After that first night sleeping with Bull and Maraas, Dorian had found himself going back to them every night. He was welcomed each time, and each time he was stunned by how good it felt, both Bull and Maraas taking turns just holding Dorian as they slept. Still, Bull was with Maraas and Maraas with Bull, and now that they were no longer in Emprise du Lion Dorian thought that is was over, as he expected it to be. He was grateful for their thoughtfulness and friendship, but they had tugged feelings inside Dorian that he preferred to leave undisturbed. That's why he didn't want to go to the tavern, as he feared the same thing would happen as when he first saw Bull and Maraas kiss each other.

"Warmth, cold, push and pull, bodies within grasp but only physically. Wanting to reach but restrained by shackles that are no longer there. They want to help, but are afraid to make the hurt worse if they push too far. The time has come!" Cole appeared and said, looking at the ceiling.

"COLE!" Dorian yelled, throwing his arms up in the air. "Maker's breath! You definitely want to kill me. Knock next time, that's what doors are for!"  _Did he just say they want to help me?_

"Right, I'll try to remember that". Cole said, apparently more to himself than as a reply. For as much as Dorian despised the way Cole for his ability to catch him off guard, he could never stay mad at him for some reason. Dorian sighed, talking about this was the last thing he wanted, but he had promise Cole he could ask questions. _Me and my big mouth._

Cole looked off the window to the mountain and continues with a deep voice, seemingly knowing what Dorian thought. "Cooper skin next to mine, so beautiful. Ever afraid... I want to help. He denies, but his heart is good. He wanted from the start, but my eyes were blinded to the walls in his mind. How can I help when I can't face my own problems?"

"What?" Dorian asked. His mind was trying to keep up with his own thoughts and failing miserably. However, Cole continued with a deeper voice. "Lost in a place there he no longer is, denies himself the pleasure and comfort he so desperately seeks. Where he sees cowardice, I see courage. I wish he can let me give him what he needs."

 _I. Do. Not. Need. Help._  Dorian tried to get his thoughts sorted, but it only gave him an headache. _I refuse to make them chose between them and me. I can't..._

"You're wrong. They don't see it that way." Cole said, softly.

"How do they see it, then?" Dorian said, almost yelling. Cole made a sad face. "That is not up to me to tell you."

"I don't..." Dorian stuttered, an ache spreading across his chest. "I don't... know what I should do". Dorian looked at Cole, as if expecting the kid to resolve his life problems. He cursed at himself for his show of weakness and added "My hurt is not something that can be easily healed, I doubt Maraas or Bull could help me".

"Yes, your hurt is now part of you, your core. Impossible to completely erase. I'd have to destroy what makes you  _you_  to achieve that, and I don't want to do that." Cole tells him again as he did the first time the topic came between them, and then adds "But they want to try, if you let them".

Dorian found himself without words to describe what he felt. Did he really want Bull? Or Maraas? He liked them both, and as much as he wanted to be held like he was in Emprise du Lion he didn't want to break them apart.  _Kaffas, I really don't want to think about this now._

"They will be waiting for you until you're ready" and with those final words Cole was gone. Sighing in relief, Dorian slid deeper into the hot water and murmured to himself "I'm afraid I'll never be ready. Kaffas! I really need a glass of wine". 

*

A couple of days passed with little sleep for Dorian, but he found himself in his room, drinking wine "stolen" from the Inquisitor's wine cellar while a magicked fire burned hot in the hearth to make up for the sun that had already set, both in light and warmth. His mind was pleasantly blank, feeling relaxed and enjoying some privacy after a long day spent researching.

However, this state of mind didn't last long, as it did since Cole came to him. His mind tried to find the true meaning behind Maraas' and Bull's actions. He knew that Cole didn't usually lie, but his mind refused to accept that anyone would want to help him without some sort of compensation. Then why did they want him to sleep with them, not asking for anything in return? And now Bull wants him to join them in their little... soirées. Are they trying to get him to confess to some dark Tevinter secret? Maybe they just don't trust him and they want to keep a closer eye on him?

No... That's absurd. Maybe they are just toying with him? Not knowing how the whole thing makes him feel? Dorian laughed out loud at this last thought. Oh... they knew exactly how he felt about the whole thing. And yet... they pushed. Maybe they really think that if they get close enough they can hurt him. This was his best explanation, but Cole's words earlier made him rethink. " _They want to help, but are afraid to make the hurt worse_ ". Do they really want to help? Do they realize that what he wants is selfish?

"Vishante Kaffas! I need to get this sorted out if I ever want to sleep again." With one fluid motion and his mind set on ending this charade, he downed the rest of his wine and left his room.

*

Maraas kept eyeing the door of the tavern. He knew Bull had asked Dorian to come join them when they arrived a couple of days earlier, but he started to think he would't come. Neither did Bull, if he could read him correctly. Tevinters were always like this concerning matters that were not... socially encouraged. Still, they had made some progress from what Cole told them.

He felt Bull place an arm over his shoulders, earning some quips from the chargers that never failed to make him smile. Bull had not been openly aggressive with Maraas when they met, but he knew that in another situation where Maraas was not important, Bull would probably have tried to kill him on sight. Still, he had shown him that not all Tal-Vashoth are mindless murdering machines and he slowly opened to him, which made him know that he had a chance. To be fair, he had only wanted to blow off some steam with him, and Bull seemed perfectly content with it. However, he slowly found out that deep down the hard mercenary captain figure, Bull cared a lot about everyone. Actually, Bull still surprised him every now and then, and he was beginning to feel something deeper for him. The same thing he felt for Dorian, to be exact. Knowing that Dorian had left Tevinter, alone, to fight for what he thought was right really made him attracted the man for seeing much of himself in him. However, he had seemed to be only interested in women in the way he didn't even seem bothered by his flirt attempts. Or perhaps he did and he hadn't noticed, since he had a lot on his mind at the time.

Sighing, he was pulled back from his thoughts when Bull squeezed his shoulder gently. Bull was looking towards the center of the tavern. Following his gaze he gasped when he noticed Dorian walking towards them. He had been so engrossed thinking that he hadn't noticed the door opening. Dorian was next to them in seconds and he seemed tense, and not the good kind.

"I need to speak with both of you. Outside" Dorian said, with edge on his voice. Maraas looked at Bull with concern, who just shrugged and motioned to get up. Something must have gone wrong, perhaps they pushed too much, too fast. It was a very delicate balance they had to maintain, but neither of them had the experience required to pull it off with certainty. Steeling himself for what was to come, he got up and followed Bull outside.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There should be just one more chapter in this arc, but since the new DLC comes out tomorrow and I'm traveling to Greece next week on work I don't know when it will be ready (I should start writing the whole thing before posting to prevent this, meh :p). I'll try to finish this before I write about the new DLC though (and a particular plot bunny that I have to get out of my head, I apologize in advance for that one, it's evil ;_;). And don't worry, I've a lot of ideas to explore with these three in the future. I might also show how Maraas looks like on the next chapter, so there's that too.
> 
> Now an announcement, I've decided to stop putting multi-chapter stories in this work. It just doesn't feel the right thing to do and I hate to write one-shots when I've one going, and I'd prefer to leave this open for quick one-shots.  
> I've also been thinking about accepting prompts, but I dunno how to approach this.
> 
> As always, any suggestion for improvement is welcomed.


	21. If you can't beat them... (M!Adaar/Iron Bull/Dorian)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *** Explicit ***
> 
> Dorian's talk with Bull and Maraas takes a turn for the worse. Or so he thinks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for explicit content! If you want to skip it you can read until the '*' separator and then skip to the last paragraph.
> 
> I am still not very comfortable with writing smut, but I decided it was time to give it another go and it felt like this chapter gave a good opportunity to go for it (and needed it). I don't know how to feel about how it came out, but there you go. This is unbeta'd, so if there is any grammar weirdness I apologize.
> 
> Also, if you're wondering what Maraas looks like you can check it [here](https://lh6.googleusercontent.com/P5XJA9ggbS2AOE16wWve6r0MLYmPybBEd-cfudLwKfxzkQHk2oD1GqDzooUvHyrE-nRdryuFa-Ya5Ism7nr9e0z9jCiPFPBOSGJw1PlVhVciUc_wxA_JJ7Y7k5WgAXZ_M1OJq2Ii).

Dorian kept his back to them and lead them to the back of the tavern. It was not exactly the best of places due to the cold, but he didn't want to go far and it was secluded enough.

When he arrived there he did not turn towards them, unsure that he could muster the courage to say what he intended to say if he looked at them. "I demand to know exactly what is your objective with me" he said, slowly. "I agreed to join you on your tent at night in Emprise du Lion because of the cold, but I can't expect you to keep doing this... whatever it is without any ulterior motive".

"Dorian, look at us" Bull said. His voice was devoid of any clear emotion, but it had enough weight to make him feel compelled. Dorian turned around to look at them. Never has the height different between them and Dorian seem so massive, which sent a strange feeling down his spine. Bull had his serious face, while Maraas looked concerned. "I am waiting" he managed to say without flinching. However, he felt his control over the conversation slipping, which was not good.

"We have no ulterior motive, as you put it. And I only asked you to join us for some drinks." Bull began and Dorian looked away. "Dorian" Bull calls him again but Dorian just feels rage building inside of him. Snapping his gaze back to them, he almost yells "And am I supposed to just believe it? Just drinks? After what you did in Emprise du Lion? I am not stupid you know! Cole told me you want to help me, but I don't think you can! What I need is... is... something you cannot give me while you're together".

The outburst made Maraas step closer, and Dorian held his face high not knowing exactly what to expect. "We know exactly what you want, and it is the exactly same thing we want. You want us, and we _both_  want you" Maraas confessed, and then added, seeing Dorian shaking his head unconsciously. "Not clear enough? Alright. We would like to have you in our bed. As in to have sex with, the three of us. You know, we never quite got over you since we first saw you, and that feeling as only grown since then. You proved to be a very powerful ally in the battlefield, and one that cares about other people when you look past your glamour exterior" Maraas said, and by Dorian's reaction he might as well have punched him in the stomach. He was rooted in place as his mind slowly realized what Maraas was saying.

"You mean... with both of you? At the same time?" Dorian stutters. He had never imagined that he would have the chance to be with either of them while they were still together. Even if they separated, he had shown no interest in them before, so why would they try again. But they were still together, and they wanted him to join them in bed.

"That is the purpose of a threesome. Familiar with the concept?" Bull says and chuckles, but Dorian could feel that he was tense somehow. _  
_

"And how would that work? Not that I haven't had threesomes before but... we work together, it could make for some awkward situations in the camps, and..." _I don't want the others to know I'm in a threesome with not one but TWO Qunari..._ Dorian began, keeping to himself that last thought, automatically trying to find excuses to hide his discomfort and fear.

"Hey, I'm sure some of the others would actually appreciate having a tent for themselves, but we could take turns if you want." Maraas said and Bull followed "We can do this as slow as you want, no strings attached, or not at all if you don't want it. We won't think any less of you and we will still regard you as a close friend." They guessed Dorian wouldn't want anyone to know about it, because Tevinter, so it would actually work better for him, as being able to share a tent with either of them would raise less suspicions, at least in his mind. The others would catch up fast, but he didn't have to know that.

Dorian seemed to follow the first line of thought. "Alright, that could work." He said, feeling uneasy still, but for the first time in his life since he had known he couldn't have anything better than a closet encounter with anyone meaningful he decided to give them a chance. He would deal with the consequences later. "I... do need you. But won't you mind sharing..." Dorian started, but Bull quickly grabbed and kissed him hard. Dorian's eyes widened and searched for Maraas. He showed no discomfort. Actually, he seemed happy and relieved. Could this really work? No strings attached? It sounds too convenient to be true...

Bull broke the kiss for a second and said "Don't think and just enjoy it" resuming the attack on his mouth. Dorian relaxed and felt Bull groan in appreciation and deepen the kiss. His tongue explored every corner of his mouth, effectively conquering it, and the thought made him moan into Bull's mouth, who grinned. Then, Dorian felt a hand on his back, massaging it and another mouth placing kisses on his neck. Dorian felt overwhelmed, needy and he found that he actually wanted more.

"Come on, it's freezing out here. What do you say we go to my room, big guy?" Bull asked with the lowest pitched voice he never thought could possible exist, like slow roar of a thunder in the distance. "Yes... please" was the only reply Dorian could manage before Bull pulled him up to his chest and carried him to his room through the battlements, with Maraas slowly caressing his back.

*

If they passed by any guards, Dorian didn't notice as he heard nothing and he did not make the effort to open his eyes. Bull's body was infuriatingly hot, as usual, and he was too comfortable to care at the moment.

When they arrived, Bull let Dorian down and kissed his neck. "You better get off those clothes fast, or I think they won't survive the night". Dorian felt blood rushing to his cheeks, but began stripping. Bull stepped back and watched with Maraas Dorian strip, massaging the other Qunari as they waited. Maraas didn't seem much of a talker when it came to sex, shy even, Dorian thought as he stripped. It had not been a complete surprise, since his flirt attempts had been a lot more discreet than Bull's, but it was a clear contrast from the way he presented himself as Inquisitor. He knew the toll that pretending to be something else could be crushing, be he seemed to be handling it well. Now that he thought about it, the first time he had seen him smile outside of a joke was after he got together with Bull. He wondered if Bull had anything to do with it.

As he unlocked the last buckle, he took a quick look around the room. He had only been there briefly once before, when he had decided to stretch his legs and explore the fortress, even if didn't know Bull actually slept there. It was largely the same, except for the bed that was easily big enough for three Qunari now. There was also a framed picture next to the bed with a man with an odd expression towards the bed that made him want to laugh, given what they were about to do.

"Damn, you look gorgeous Dorian" Bull commented, to which Dorian rolled his eyes and replied "Are we doing this or not?" as an attempt to distract them from the blush that appeared on his cheeks.

"Oh yes. You have no idea how much I've wanted you" Maraas mentions, then turns to Bull "Are we going slow today or the usual?"

"Let's go slow today. Although I could see Dorian liking some ropework done on him" Bull purred, pulling Dorian, turning his chest to him and whispering in his ear before leaving a love bit on his neck "You'd like that, wouldn't you?"

Dorian whimpered. _Whimpered_ , and he couldn't bring himself to care. The idea and the slight pain had sent shivers doing his spine directly to his cock. "If you don't do something soon I swear I'll set something on fire".

"Fiesty! I like that" Bull said, smiling. "Tell me what you want, Dorian". Dorian takes a deep breath and let's his feelings overtake him. "I want you... to fuck me" Dorian said, blushing. Dorian cursed himself for appearing to be his first time. "You trust me, Dorian?" he asked, to which Dorian replied with a clear "I trust you both completely".

Bull smiled at him then, feeling a deep fondness for the mage. "You'll will need to be prepared. You haven't had any sex in some time if I guess correctly. What do you want Maraas to do to you?"

"I don't know. Anything" Dorian said and Bull whispered a suggestion to him. "Yes! Please yes!" Dorian replied. Looking at Maraas, Dorian noticed that he was a bit nervous, and Bull must have known as well because he asked him "Why don't you prep him up for me while I watch, Maraas?".

Maraas bit his lip and nodded. Dorian climbed into the bed while Maraas grabbed a vial of oil from one of the nearby nightstands. Bull stood a bit further from the bed, rubbing his cock over his pants. "Aren't you going to strip?" Dorian asked.

"We have time." Maraas replied, climbing on top of the bed and kissed Dorian while hovering over him, feeling him with his left hand. Dorian moaned when Maraas caressed his nipple. He broke the kiss and Dorian sobbed at the loss. "You liked that, huh?" he asked, placing another kiss on his neck, and Dorian nodded. "I need you to pay attention know. If you ever need out, to stop whatever we are doing, you say Katoh and it's over. If you can't speak, tap one of us three times. Got it?"

Dorian felt some frustration build up, but he wanted to get the show on the road, so he complied without complaint. "Yeah. Katoh or three taps and it's over. Can we please... ahhhhhh" Dorian didn't finish the sentence, feeling one of Maraas' fingers entering him. It was almost as big as a human cock, and the idea just made him harder.

"Shit Dorian, you make such lovely sounds. You are so good for us. So perfect" Bull said, slightly breathless, and Dorian threw his head back, overcome by the feeling of being penetrated and the words Bull said. Maraas kept placing kisses down his body while working his hole open. Dorian tried to move his hips in an attempt to find some friction, but Maraas denied him by pinning him. "You will only come when Bull allows you to" he said, and Dorian swallowed back a sob. He was starting to feel mostly pleasure from the first finger, but he wanted more... _needed_ more.

"Please, I need... ohhhhhhhhhhhh Kaffas!" Dorian yelled, felling a second finger joining the first. He tried to relax to alleviate some of the pain, while Maraas whispered words of endearment to him. Soon enough he was starting to get used to it and pleasure started building again. "Your fingers are so big" Dorian moans.

"You're beautiful Dorian. If you want to take Bull you'll need a third finger. I would recommend three for me as well, but two are enough. If you don't want this you know the word. We can always do other things." Maraas tells him, putting into practice everything Bull had taught him. He still felt a bit out of place doing these things, but he knew Dorian needed it and Bull loved to see him do it.

"No. I can take it. Please, please, please..." Dorian whines, while Maraas works his fingers in and out and kisses his chest down to his belly. Then, Maraas adds another finger, looking at Dorian to search for any attempt to say the word, and begins working him open, spreading both his fingers. Dorian had never felt so stretched before, and he knew Bull would probably stretch him even more, which made him moan again in anticipation.

He heard Bull strip and say "Do you want Maraas to take you first? Get you open and ready for me, big guy?"

"Yes! Please! I need you both... please." Dorian whimpers and Bull chuckles. Maraas takes his fingers off him while placing a kiss on his lower belly, teasing and extracting another sob from him. While Maraas strips, Dorian is able to look at Bull and gasps, doubt painted on his face. Bull's cock was rock hard and big in every aspect, like the owner that was slowly rubbing it. "You can take it Dorian. I know you can and we can go as slow as you need. You're so good for us." Bull reassures him, lust clear in his good eye "You just have to trust us, and you have your way out if you need it".

Maraas finished stripping and Dorian wasn't surprised to see him already hard. He wasn't as big as Bull, but close, and he was surprised to see a metal piercing on the tip. He hadn't figured Maraas to be the type to use them. "Bull can do wonders to one's self confidence" he replies when he notices where Dorian is looking, climbing over him again. "But now I want you to focus on me filling you up, the way my cock stretches you and hits you in all the right places." he whispers, sending Dorian into his lust-fueled trance again. Kissing him hard, he starts to press inside him slowly. Dorian is amazed by how big he feels, thinking it couldn't fit, but Maraas had oiled it up when he wasn't looking and soon enough he felt the head enter him, letting out a moan. "Please..."

Maraas grins against his mouth and presses forward slowly to allow him to adjust to the size. He was tight, but he had opened him up just enough so that Dorian would feel equal amounts of pain and pleasure. After what seemed an eternity, Maraas was fully sheathed into Dorian. "You take me so well, you're doing so well Dorian" he said, allowing Dorian a moment before backing away. Dorian was reduced to whines and pleas "Please, don't leave, please, please, fuck me." and Maraas took pity on him, thrusting completely inside with a single motion.

The cry Dorian gave was like anything he had ever heard before. It was one of need, satisfaction and released frustration all at once, a mix of a moan with a sigh and a laugh. "Shit" Maraas and Bull said at the same time "That's hot, Dorian" Bull added. They grinned at each other and Maraas started fucking Dorian, slowly at first until he reached a steady pace while he placed small kisses all over him, sometimes playing with the nipples with his mouth, biting them lightly. Dorian grabbed him by the neck held him there, eyes closed and still making soft sounds every time he thrust.

After a while Bull decided it was time for a change of pace and for him to join them. Approaching Maraas he placed a hand on his shoulder and massaged it lightly to let him know it was time. With a final thrust and a kiss he backed off and disentangled himself from Dorian's arms. Dorian complained with whine, but he was too lost in his own lust to move, remaining completely exposed on the bed, with his cock hard against his belly. Dorian made an attempt to stroke it but Bull quickly caught his hands as he climbed on top of him. "Oh no, my little mage, you will come just from me fucking you. Can you do that for me?" Bull asked, pressing his teeth against his neck. Dorian swallowed dryly and nodded. "I need you to use words, little one". Dorian concentrated for a second to search for the word he wanted, and said in a needy voice "Yes, please. I just want you inside me. And Maraas as well. Please!".

"Hmmm... do you want Maraas to fuck that pretty mouth of yours?" Bull said, repeating the earlier suggestion he had made as he pinched one of his nipples, making Dorian's back arc up. "Yesssss" he yelled. Turning Dorian to lay perpendicular to the bed, head just over the end of it to give Maraas a better angle, he began pressing inside Dorian. Maraas had done a good job, as he was able to slid inside with just a bit of strength. Dorian, on the other side, felt like he was being split in two, but every time he thought the pain was too much Bull would stop and let him adjust for a minute of two. When he was almost all the way in he stopped, he didn't want to risk injuring Dorian. After Dorian had ajusted he started to pull back. Dorian complained, but when Bull thrust back in he moved back against it, catching Bull slightly off guard and slammed completely inside him. Dorian let out a roar mixed with a 'Yes' while Bull stilled.

"Dorian, please don't do that! Are you injured?" he asked, trying to slid out of him to see if he was ok. Bull would never forgive himself if he'd hurt anyone he was not tasked to hurt, and that thankfully included Dorian at the moment. He pushed that thought for later as Dorian caught his arm and said "Yes! If you stop now I swear I'll bring Skyhold down the mountain. Please, I need this. More than you can imagine." Bull's face showed that he was concerned, and Dorian felt a pang of guilt, but he had to show that he could take him. Bull shook his head in disbelief. He was actually impressed that the small human was able to take him fully, like magic. Perhaps it was... and Bull found that he didn't care. 

After making sure Dorian was fine, he starting to fuck him slowly again and nodded for Maraas to join them, who had been keeping himself hard while he watched. Maraas kissed Dorian on the mouth and said "Open up beautiful", to which Dorian complied immediately and took Maraas' cock into his mouth as it came into reach. The angle allowed Maraas to go deep into Dorian's throat, and he was pleased to know that Dorian could control his gag reflex, allowing him to do just that. He made sure to let Dorian breathe at regular intervals, while playing cupping the side of his face. Dorian took the time to savor the taste of him and bask on the feeling of Bull cock moving and filling him like no one ever did before. His own cock was painfully hard, and the thought almost made him come right then and there. He knew Maraas was close, feeling his cock pulse occasionally, restrained by force of will alone. That didn't mean he would make it easier, using his tongue to add more friction and stimulation. "Shit Dorian, you're wonderful at this" Marras breathed and quickened his pace slightly.

The sight of Dorian's throat bulging due to Maraas' cock flared something inside Bull, and he found himself already at the edge. Not being able to hold much longer, he changed his thrust's angle to hit Dorian's sweet spot more intensely and fucked him hard and quick, forcing Dorian to give a muffled cry each time. Dorian's hands clawed the sheets as he came from being fucked, clenching tighter around Bull's cock, tipping him over the edge as well. With an impressive roar, Bull pulled Maraas by the neck into a hard kiss and came with a final thrust. Maraas had just enough time to pull out and, with a single stroke, came all over Dorian, groaning into Bull's mouth.

They remained like that for a good while, riding their orgasms and feeling each other's presence. Then Bull broke the kiss and panted, saying breathlessly as he pulled himself out of Dorian and stroke his belly with his thumb while rubbing small circles on the back of Maraas neck. "That... was good Kadan. You're both amazing. I'll clean up, you can lay him on the bed". Maraas was surprised for a second, knowing the meaning of the word, but decided to think about it later. Dorian seemed exhausted and incapable of speech, but he wore a lazy smile on his face that made Maraas chuckle. He seemed to be completely blissed out. Carefully, he lifted Dorian and turned him so that his head would rest on one of the pillows. Bull came with a wet towel that was prepared by the corner of the room and cleaned Dorian thoroughly. After he was done, he discarded the towel as they both climbed on to the bed and pulled the blanket over themselves. 

After what seemed like an eternity later, Dorian was finally able to speak. "Nothing has ever made me feel like this before" Dorian sighed, feeling completely boneless between the two hulking Qunari. Maraas laughed at the double entendre with his name but remained silent, choosing to place a kiss on Dorian's shoulder instead and said "Go to sleep, we can talk later". Bull pulled Dorian over his chest and let Maraas place his arm under his head, all three of them drifting slowly asleep to an uncertain future.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This concludes this particular arc. There's more to come, but keep in mind I'll create separate works in they are multi-chaptered. They will be made part of this series, however.  
> By the way, if you don't know what framed picture I'm talking about, just check Bull's room or watch the romance scene where Cullen, Josephine and Cassandra interrupt you. It is visible near the end when you talk to Bull.
> 
> After playing the Trespasser DLC some new chapter ideas came to mind (not all of them good ;_;) so if I end up writing one soon I'll put spoiler warnings in the summary and beginning notes.
> 
> Also, I've made a [tumblr blog](http://sabexbem.tumblr.com/) (still experimenting with it) but if you have any questions you'd like me to answer you can drop by. I'll keep it updated with random thoughts and fics ideas. You can also try to propose some prompts, but keep in mind that I've limited time.


	22. Burly Qunari Pirates (Dorian/Iron Bull)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trespasser DLC spoilers!
> 
> Dorian's joke turns against him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, every since I heard Dorian joke about being attacked on his way to Tevinter by burly Qunari Pirates that I always had this idea for a drabble. I hope you like it.  
> There's some spoilers regarding Dorian that get's revealed during the Trespasser DLC, so avoid this chapter if you don't want to be spoiled.
> 
> Also, I settled in using the word Qunari for the race as well as the ones that follow the Qun and use Tal-Vashoth when referring to the group that left the Qun. I know there is the word Kossith, but I think Bull said that it isn't the name of the race in one of his dialogues and I don't particularly like the word. I know it is confusing, but if there is a set standard for this that I'm unaware of please let me know, alright? Alright.

“It was a joke, I swear. And I’m more than fine”, Dorian tells Bull through the sending crystal, after he arrived at Tevinter and arranged a room to stay for the night. “What are the odds?” he added.

“I don’t know how many have turned to that life after I left Seheron. The Qunari hunts them down but their ships are usually smaller and faster. Hard assholes to catch.” Bull said, though some concern still remained in his voice. “Why don’t you tell me exactly what happened? Now I’m curious.”

“Alright” Dorian said, closing his eyes to reimagine the events so that he could share them with greater detail.

*

Dorian was leaning against the side the ship.

“How does anyone even consider this a good way of traveling?!” He asked out loud to himself. He had forgotten how ill he would become if the shit started rocking more than a meter, and the strong wind made it rock considerably more.

(“You get seasick? That’s new” Bull commented, laughing. “Shut up, I've barely started Bull” Dorian fussed and Bull made an attempt to remain quiet.)

The crew of the ship kept to their duties, promptly ignoring him, which only served to make Dorian more frustrated. It is what he gets for getting into a Tevinter ship with Tevinter man. They would never talk back to an Altus. Well Magister, if one’s to be precise. At least Cassandra had the decency of looking at him like he was spitting venom and Bull would tease him back when they traveled together. Not that he liked it. Definitely not.

He should be almost halfway through the Waking Sea when a warning came from the lookout. Looking up, Dorian followed the direction he was pointing and was able to make out the shape of another ship. And it appeared to be moving their way, and fast.

“Pirates! Tal-Vashoth flag!” the man on the lookout screamed, using a bell to sound the alarm. Dorian sprang to action, going below the deck to retrieve his staff. With the adrenaline, people running to the upper deck and the darkness Dorian lost a couple of precious minutes. When he finally grabbed his staff, he heard fighting starting. “Fasta Vass” he exclaimed and ran back.

Just as Dorian emerged from below the deck he saw, at least, ten Qunari fighting the crew of the ship. It was a lost battle, they could be even numbered, but each Qunari could take two of three of the crew easily. Still, Dorian pointed his staff towards the closest Qunari and just as he was about to cast the spell, he felt a blow to the head, knocking him unconscious. It had been a stupid mistake, used to fighting for so long in a cohesive team that he had forgotten how to fight alone against various enemies.

When Dorian came to, he felt like he had the worst hangover in the history of mankind. Then he remembered the Qunari attack and something immediately felt off. He was in a bed, and his head wound had been treated. Looking around some more he knew he wasn’t in the same ship and started to wonder if he had been taken prisoner, even if it didn’t make sense to be put in a bed.

Then he heard steps outside the door and someone knocked.

“Err… come in?” Dorian said tentatively.

“Don’t attack, alright? I’m coming in.” Dorian heard a deep voice from the other side of the door. Definitely a Qunari. He searched for his staff but found nothing. Cursing, he tensed up and pointed a palm to the door.

The Qunari that came through the door was just barely taller than Dorian, and he was hiding behind Dorian’s staff as he trembled. “Please, I don’t want to hurt you” he said shyly.

The sight before Dorian was too much… he had never seen a burly Qunari so afraid and shy before that he failed to suppress a chuckle. Well, he pretty much only knew Bull, and he was the complete opposite of what he was seeing.

The chuckle, however, didn’t go unnoticed and the Qunari frowned, pointing the staff at Dorian in a manner that showed he had never used one before. “Hey! I’m not laughing at you!” he groaned.

“Sorry, sorry. I’ve just never seen a Qunari acting like that before” Dorian replied. He had no idea what they wanted with him, but maybe this Qunari could enlighten him. “So, my name is Dorian. What is yours? And don’t you start with you don’t have a name, whatever the other Qunari call you is fine”.

The Qunari raised and eyebrow. “So it IS what captain thought it was. Alright, my name is Kaaras if you want to know. Here” he said, handing the staff back to him. Dorian decided to not attack immediately until he knew if he really was in a Tal-Vashoth ship. If he was, having his staff would do nothing considering he would be taken down in seconds.

“So you’re the navigator of this ship? I assume your name reflects your job.” Dorian asked, when he remembered exactly what ‘Kaaras’ meant from the lessons Bull had given him in Qunlat. Kaaras gave a smile and nodded. “Yeah, I calculate the course Asaara should take to reach her destination”. Dorian hummed in acknowledgement, noting mentally the name of the ship. He knew some crews could get really upset if you got it wrong. Kaaras settled in a chair on the other side of the room and remained silent, looking at him with interest.

“What were you saying about your captain?” Dorian asked, trying to break the silence that had formed.

“The necklace you have” he clarified, pointing to the bulge in Dorian’s robe. Dorian smiled and pulled the necklace out. “The necklace of Kadan, yes.” Dorian said, tracing the curvature of the tooth.

“It’s not common for a Qunari to give it to a non-Qunari, specially a Tevinter mage” said a deeper voice as the Qunari to whom it belonged entered the room. He was a lot bigger than Kaaras, probably as tall as Bull but not nearly as wide, and while Kaaras had horns like a ram, this man’s horns sprouted from the side of his head and curved forward, giving him a very threatening look. Dorian let out a surprise gasp, but otherwise remained still.

“Good, you didn’t flinch. It is clear you’re used to see Qunari of my size, and not as an enemy” he added smiling. All the smiling was starting to make Dorian feel uneasy, and this man’s perception was reminding him too much of Bull’s… perhaps he had been Ben-Hassrath before, but he knew better than to ask. Then he extended a hand “Anaan is the name, and I’m Asaara’s captain”.

“Dorian, recently of house Pavus again.” Dorian replied, thinking back to his father’s death, and then asked as he just remembered where he was before being in this ship “Did you kill the crew in the ship I was in?”

“Nah, they were put in one of the rooms knocked out while we looted the ship” Anaan said with a grin. “You would have been left behind had one of my man not seen your amulet” he added.

Dorian frowned in confusion. “And why does my amulet grant me a ride on Asaara?”

Anaan laughed lightly and replied “Believe it or not we do have a set of rules we go by. Attacking another Tal-Vashoth, or anyone important to them, is something we do not do. Since we were too late to mend that once you were knocked out, I decided to give you a ride to your destination myself”.

Dorian considered the answer for a second. “Who knew you Qunari had manners” he said with a dismissive hand. Kaaras frowned, but Anaan laughed has he heard the phrase with the meaning Dorian had intended.

“So, how does a Tevinter mage end up in a Tal-Vashoth ship with an Amulet of Kadan?” he asked. Dorian looked up to the ceiling and realized that he felt no need to hide what had happened, and he decided to blame Bull for that.

*

“And that’s that. I explained how a Tevinter Altus came to help the Inquisition, how he fell in love with you and how he was now going back to Tevinter to make a difference. Since then he and his crew had been very adamant in making me feel welcomed. We docked on the other side of the Waking Sea and he recommended this inn by the dock to spend the night. He is now drinking downstairs with the rest of his crew” Dorian finished the story with a smile.

“They’re there? Are you joining them?” Bull asked, and the completely uninterested voice he used made Dorian raise an eyebrow and grin mischievously.

“What? You’re afraid I’m going to leave you for a pirate?” Dorian asked.

“Hah, like they are anything compared to me. You’d be crawling back, begging, after a single night” Bull teased, and Dorian knew he was probably right. No other man would fully satisfy him now, not both physically and emotionally.

“You know I’m yours Amatus” was all that Dorian was able to put into words, and he knew Bull would understand.

“And I’m yours, Kadan. Go drink with your new friends and have some fun, we can talk again later” Bull said, voice lowering at the end to let Dorian know exactly what he meant. It had the expected result of making Dorian needy.

“Oh, you can bet your ass we will”

 


	23. In due time (Dorian/Iron Bull)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dorian knows he must leave eventually. Bull is more than supportive.

"When will you leave?" Bull asks as if he is asking about the weather.

Dorian sighs to himself and embraces Bull tighter. He knew Bull would know eventually, perhaps he always did, and he doesn't even bother asking how he does. However, the way he always seem to accept whatever choice Dorian makes leaves him wondering how such a man could exist, and how such a man could fall in love with him. He knows he could stay, leave Tevinter to itself, but that would not accomplish anything in the end. He would have done it in the past, but not now, knowing that people like Inquisitor Evelyn can change the world then they put their mind to it. He will not accept anything less for himself, even if that means leaving Bull.

At that final thought Dorian felt sick and like someone was stabbing him in the chest. He would leave, but not right now. The Inquisitor still needed his help and, to be fair, he wanted to delay his departure as much as possible.

"In a few months perhaps, depends on what happens. I will stay for as long as necessary." Dorian replies, placing his forehead on the space between his shoulder and his neck and closing his eyes. "I don't want to leave, but I have to." he adds.

"I know, Kadan. That's what I love about you, your courage to do what others do not." Bull tells him, massaging his back lazily.

"I... I don't... I _won't_ ask you to wait for me. It m-might take years, d-decades even. So-" Dorian begins, starting to feel tears falling from his eyes into Bull's shoulder.

"Hey, Kadan" he says, adding a serious weight to the words while he propped his back against the back of the bed and pulls Dorian into a hug. "I. will. wait. For as long as it takes." he says with finality, letting Dorian know that it was not up for debate. Dorian breaks down, crying freely for what feels to him like an eternity, Bull never letting go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been very busy as of late, so I wanted to write a very small thing to keep this updated... I swear my intention was to write some fluff.  
> What have I done? ;_;


	24. A future made brighter (M!Lavellan/Iron Bull)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Small chapter. Lavellan is trying to cope with everything that happened during the Exalted Council (Are Trespasser spoilers still a thing? If so, SPOILERS!).  
> Bull is more than happy to help.

"I can't believe that you actually pulled pranks on those nobles with Sera" Bull says as he pulls him closer to his chest and places his head over his shoulder, trying to lighten the mood while he kisses his neck. Lavellan's smile comes slowly, as if remembering something from a distant past.

"Yeah, that was great" he replies, but his voice lacks the usual energy. Lavellan had been fast friends with Sera, since he liked to play pranks, but after he had lost his arm he had been in a bad mood. He could understand him somewhat, imagining what he would feel if he could no longer use his weapon. The thought of not being able to protect those he cared for frightened him more than he cared to admit.

"We will talk to Dagna after we get back to Skyhold, I am sure she can think of something" he says, and Lavellan tips his head backwards to rest on Bull's chest. Lavellan takes a few moments to reply. Bull knows that he is thinking that he probably won't ever use his bow, but he knows Lavellan is adaptable. "Thank you" is what he says eventually, and this time he can hear hopefulness in his voice. He knows just as Bull does that if anyone can help him, it is Dagna.

"Bull, did... did I do the right thing?" he asks finally, after a few minutes of comfortable silence. The elvish bundle in his arms looks so fragile that his chest pains, making Bull hug him protectively. There was no right answer, but considering his personality and the weight that the leadership had been taking on him... "I think so, yes. We don't need the Inquisition to pursue Solas, and we still have Leliana and Cassandra, both very good at their own jobs. Harding too, since she volunteered to keep helping us. And this way you are free of responsibility. All just to myself, my pretty little elf. My Kadan". Bull purrs into his ear.

Lavellan melts, _smiling_ for the first time that day. "Ma vhenan" he says, turning around to face Bull and tracing the line of his jaw, "I would not wish to be anywhere else but at your side. But you have your Chargers, and I must go after Solas when some clue is found". His voice is filled with uncertainty, and Bull can hear the question underneath. Bull shakes his head.

"Kadan, I will follow you wherever you decide to go. I cannot live without my heart, right?" he says grinning. Lavellan smiles and closes his eyes, placing his forehead on Bull's chest. Bull moves his hand through his hair before continuing. "And until we know where Solas decided to hide his shiny head of his, I bet the Chargers could appreciate to have another person travelling with them. And I suspect that you are still quite capable of making some heads roll, specially after some training."

When Bull finished talking he could sense Lavellan starting to shake. He frowned for a second before he heard the elf laugh out loud, relief passing through him.

"I am such a lucky person for having met you, ma vhenan." he says between giggles, lifting his head to look at him as his face grew more serious. "I didn't get to say this many times in the past, but... you know... I love you. You make me a better person" Lavellan says with fondness in his eyes.

Bull chuckles, feeling his heart swell. "You're such a silly person. Of course I know. And I love you too, Kadan" finishing with a kiss and pulling him under the bed sheets.

The future would be difficult for both of them, but Bull knew that so long as they had each other, they could face anything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked this small chapter. God I'm so sappy... Lavellan was my first Inquisitor, so I decided to write about how him and Bull would handle things after Trespasser.  
> Meanwhile, I've been writing my Maraas Adaar backstory chapter and it is going well (it's going to be bigger than normal), expect it for tomorrow :)
> 
> Also, I've been thinking of starting two separate one-shot collection works. This one would contain mostly fluff, then another for comedy and another for heavy angst, so that you know exactly what to expect when one of those works gets updated. Also, you can always prompt me over on [tumblr](http://sabexbem.tumblr.com/) too, if you wish.


	25. Demands of the Qun (M!Adaar/Iron Bull/Dorian)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bull saves the Chargers, but has a hard time accepting being Tal-Vashoth.  
> Maraas only knows one way to help him, and it his by explaining his past.
> 
> I feel that I must warn you that some stuff may be triggering. I am not sure what is the best way to approach this, but:  
> \- If kids being inside a burning building triggers you, then do not read.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, the chapter where my Inquisitor's past is explained in an attempt to help Bull accept his new reality.  
> It is a more angsty chapter, with some hurt/comfort in the end. I know it is a more story heavy chapter, but I really hope you like it.
> 
> I am also sorry if there is any inaccuracies regarding the Qun. I took some liberties with it.  
> Keep in mind that this is unbeta'd, so I apologize for any errors that may appear.

Bull had been hit by a dagger, but he isn't at all surprised that Bull wasn't puking his guts out from the Saar-Qamek they had almost certainly used. Leave it to Bull to be prepared. Bull had just finished the last assassin when Maraas approached him.

"Tal-Va-Fucking-Shoth" Bull yelled with disgust in his voice as soon as he killed the last assassin.

"You don't have to say it like it's an insult" Maraas replied. While he knew what Bull meant, he coudn't stop feeling hurt by it. 

"You're different" Bull replied, turning away from him.

"Oh? How so?" Maraas retorts, unable to keep his voice from getting harsher. Bull looked at him over his shoulder.

"You didn't have to choose between the people that followed you and the people you followed" Bull says with bitterness, but he immediately regrets saying it as he sees Maraas face crumble in... grief?

"Right" Maraas replies with a pained tone, turning around and leaving Bull up in the battlements, who was unable to process what had just happened.

* * *

 

Maraas made a beeline to his room, not capable of thinking clearly. He wanted to punch something. Cullen came to him when he was passing through the courtyard, asking if Bull had been attacked and if there was still a threat. Maraas had to restrain himself to not yell at him, replying with a dismissive 'yes' and 'no' instead. Cullen immediately got the hint and let him go, sensing the danger of inquiring further. As he entered the main hall, he ignored all the nobles and went through the door to his quarters, closing the door with excessive force, causing some of the nobles to jump and gasp. Cullen came soon after, noticing the uneasy nobles and a very confused Varric.

"What happened to our Inquisitorialness?" he asked Cullen, sounding concerned.

"No idea, and I can't find Bull either. Long story short, Bull was targeted by assassins, but he should be fine. Something happened between him and the Inquisitor though. I'm fetching Dorian" Cullen said, as he moved towards the library. "Good call" he heard Varric say before he closed the door behind him. Passing by Solas in his rotunda, Cullen gave him a quick greeting and climbed the stairs.

"Dorian" Cullen says, and Dorian frowned as he looked at him.

"What happened?" he asked, closing his book and getting up.

"Bull was attacked... wait. WAIT! Dorian! Bull is fine, it's Maraas you should go see." Cullen said, running after Dorian and catching his arm.

"What?" he asked, stopping in the middle of the stairs.

"Something happened between them. I'll go try to find Bull, you check up on Maraas, he holed himself up on his quarters." Cullen replied. Dorian raised an eyebrow.

"Bull was attacked and Maraas went to his room?" Dorian asked confused. That was not what he would have expected of him. Cullen nodded. "Alright, fine. When you find Bull let me know as soon as you can, or I'll go find him myself" he added, turning and going to the Inquisitor's tower.

The upper door to his room was wide open and a dent was visible right in the middle with some specks of blood on it, like someone had punched it hard. He climbed the rest of the stairs slowly.

"Maraas?" he asked cautiously.

"Not now Dorian. I need to be alone". A reply came, but it barely sounded like it was Maraas speaking. Coming into the room, Dorian found him on the balcony, breathing heavily. The room was a mess, papers and other objects thrown everywhere and a couple of broken windows on the balcony doors. Dorian gasped when he saw what Maraas was holding on one of his hands. It couldn't be... but he had seen illustration of those devices during his time learning magic. 

"Let me help..." Dorian said, approaching the balcony. Maraas hit his fists on the railing, yelling. "Maraas Imekari! Shanedan, pashaara. Ebost antir vantaam vasheb-sa karatoh."

Dorian stilled. He had never heard Maraas actually speak Qunlat, and even if the words had no meaning to him, he knew better than to approach further. He staid still until Maraas breathing evened out. Eventually, he said "I'm sorry" and he sounded like he was very tired. Dorian just shook his head and took the opportunity to approach him, taking his hand and leading him to bed. "It's fine. We can talk later" he mentioned, and Maraas just hanged his head low.

He took the device from Maraas' hand and he seemed to relax a bit more. After he had been properly undressed, Dorian gave him a massage to relax him further. "Go find Bull and help him through the night, he will need it more than me. And I'll be fine, it is not the first time this has happened to me. I will speak with him in the morning, I think I know what to tell him." Maraas said, looking actually concerned, and Dorian hesitated. It seemed that whatever had happened between him and Bull had not been disruptive, at least. Dorian nodded, trusting Maraas judgement, receiving a reassuring smile from him.

* * *

 

After Maraas had fallen asleep, Dorian exited the Inquisitor's quarters closing the door quietly behind him. As he passed by Varric he shrugged and mouthed a silent "I'm on it" to answer his questioning look. He doesn't take two steps outside the main hall when he sees Cullen descending the stairs from the battlements. Approaching him, Dorian said that Maraas was now sleeping and not to be disturbed. Cullen told him that Bull was in his room refusing to talk to anyone. Dorian thanked him and moved with purpose. If it was his fate to babysit two giant Qunari, then he would do it.

Dorian didn't even bother to knock, throwing the door open. Bull, however, didn't even bother to look up from where he was sitting in the bed.

"May I know why Maraas just yelled at me in Qunlat while hold a control rod in his hand?" Dorian asked him. To his surprise Bull did look at him with a confused look. "A control rod?" he asked.

"Yes. One of those things yo... _the_ Qunari use to control the magic blocking collars. He yelled at me when I tried to approach. I have no idea what he said though." Dorian replied. Bull's face suddenly dawned with understanding.

"Vashedan, I must talk to him" he said, standing up. He didn't feel like handling any of it right now, but he had induced flashbacks on Maraas. He should have known better than to assume anything about his past. Dorian, however, moved towards him and motioned him to sit and said before Bull could object.

"I stayed there until the worse had passed. He is now asleep and the day is almost over, so there is no point in going there, we can speak with him later. Actually, he asked me to be with you, that you would need me more than he did. Are  _you_ alright? You did seem shaken when I waltzed into the room".

"It's the whole Tal-Vashoth deal. I'm dealing with it a bit worse than I had hoped." Bull confesses, finally sitting in the bed again, Dorian following him. "I feel lost without the Qun. I can become savage, hurt you, Maraas, one my Chargers or someone else innocent." Bull explained. Dorian placed a hand on his arm and tried to reassure him.

"Neither me or Maaras think that you will become one. We both know, as all of the Inquisition knows, that you are a good man." Dorian said. Bull pulled away from him.

"You don't understand. I've no purpose now." Bull begins, but Dorian cuts him off.

"No purpose you say? You have the Inquisition, the Inquisitor, and me. You have the leadership of the Chargers, and if that isn't enough for you, Maraas apparently knows...  _knows_ , what you're feeling, and he still believes in you. He will come in the morning and apparently tell you something that will help." Bull had a hard time believing that, but said nothing.

Instead, he chose to address Dorian. "So, will you stay? I've no disposition for sex right now, but... if you want to sleep with me, I'd appreciate it" Bull said, looking away. If Dorian didn't know better, he would guess that he would be blushing. "What a silly thing to say" he replied. It was way too early to sleep, but he knew Bull didn't want to be anywhere else, so they stripped and went to bed, staying in comfortable silence or making small talk until Dorian fell asleep hours later, with Bull holding him tightly like he was the only thing holding him from sinking into madness.

* * *

 

Bull must have fallen asleep sometime during the night, because when he opened his eye there was already light coming into the room. Looking around, he noticed that Dorian was still asleep, but more importantly was Maraas who was sitting in the chair on the other side of the room, looking lost in his own thoughts.

"Hey" Bull called. Maraas didn't look up, but replied "I am sorry for leaving you yesterday. You need me and Dorian to get through this, but..."

"Hey, it's ok. Everyone has some fucked up stuff in their past they don't want to remember, and I think I forced you. I am the one who should be sorry" Bull started. Dorian shifted and groaned at the noise they were making.

"You awake Dorian?" Maraas asked. Dorian stretched and complained "It's too early, I refuse to accept it", but he sat up on the bed. Suddenly, he looked at Maraas "Wait, are you ok?"

Maraas didn't answer right away. Instead, he took the control rod from his pocket first before replying. "I've... been avoiding my past. I think it is time you both heard my story."

Bull had been tempted to request information on Maraas from the Qun ever since he knew he had been Qunari in the past, but ultimately decided against it. The Qun didn't like the idea that the Inquisition was being led by a Vashoth, and telling them that he was actually Tal-Vashoth would complicate things greatly while solving nothing. Not that it mattered now. He could no longer ask the Qun and Gatt had seen him, it would only take someone he had been close to in the past in order to recognize him. And so Bull nodded and settled against the headboard, waiting for Maraas to start.

"It started twenty years ago, when my role in the Qun had been decided..."

* * *

 

"Arvaarad" Tama said. It was like having his way forward carved into the ground. He felt like he finally had a place in the world, something meaningful to do. A purpose. To think that he would help the world by holding back evil was like finally understanding a part of him that was always there, but that he had been unable to see up until now.

His training started anon. Sparing against some of the most powerful in the Antaam and learning how to handle Saarebas. He knew Saarebas were dangerous, and his training only made him more convicted of that, seeing the destruction they could bring with a mere thought. They had to be controlled, restrained... secured. After several months of hard training and mental preparation, he was given his first Saarebas to control. He was male and not originally Qunari, but a Viddathari, a Bas-Saarebas. They barely talked in the first few months, mainly to ask permission for something, any further communication being unnecessary. Maybe he didn't have any thoughts outside of what was asked of him and his primary necessities. It was not his place to question or ask what the priest did to converts, specially the mages.

After the initial set of months guarding the Saarebas, the Qunari stopped supervising him so much after he showed he was capable. Not that they questioned him, but more for the Saarebas sake. It was not uncommon for new Arvaarads to give him to their fear of the Saarebas, hurting them, or make some stupid mistake like leaving them alone for some reason, causing them to kill themselves, which was unfortunate. He saw the dangers a Saarebas posed, but he they were still people like him who had the misfortune of having magic. He would _not_ hurt his Saarebas.

His Saarebas must have noticed that he barely left his side, unlike other Arvaarads, who tried to get some time for themselves when the Saarebas under their care were in a Karataam and thus not requiring constant watch by every Arvaraad, because one day he asked him when they found themselves alone while in a mission to hunt some Tal-Vashoth in Seheron.

"Do you fear me?" His voice was perfectly even and devoid of emotion, and his face was hidden behind his mask. He considered if he should answer. While it was uncommon for Saarebas to ask questions, it was not unheard of, and he had known some Arvaarads that even satisfied their Saarebas in several ways. The thought repulsed him for some reason. They were meant to protect and guard them, not to take advantage of them. How could they say no to their Arvaarad? He decided to answer.

"You? No. If you mean your magic, the answer should be obvious" he said. His Saarebas shifted slightly and crossed his arms while they walked. They were still scanning the zone for more Tal-Vashoth, but they needed to return soon.

"Then, why do you always keep me under watch?" The Saarebas asked, still using his even tone of voice, and he couldn't help but shake his head at that.

"We are meant to protect and guard you. I can't do that if I'm away." he said, and then added something that he would later come to regret "And I wouldn't want to know that you were being guarded by anyone else. I am your Arvaarad, you are my responsibility. If anything would happen to you while I am away... I would not forgive myself". The Saarebas remained silent, but something had shifted between them. Their silent moment was usually enforced by duty, but now it felt... comfortable. He dismissed the thought and told him that it was time to go back.

*

That night they would be staying in a village. Most houses were destroyed or in a bad shape, and the ones that were still habitable were not big enough to accommodate more than two Qunari, and so he found himself alone with his Saarebas. It has unusual, the Qun liked to have at least two Arvaraads together at all times, but they were in Seheron, so they had to make do. They had just finished eating a meal, and thankfully his Saarebas was not one that had needed to have his lips stitched together, otherwise eating would have been... unpleasant.

Sleeping, however, would be. Their house, like the others, had only three rooms, one of which, a bedroom, was destroyed with blood stains all over it. There was another room completely empty and the room they ate on, which had a couch relatively intact. He tried to not dwell on what must have happened on the bloodstained bedroom and decided to take whatever he could use to create a makeshift bed close to the couch, his Saarebas staying close behind. While he worked, the Saarebas sat on the chair by the table they used to eat and looked blankly at him.

"Arvaraad, may I ask a question?" his Saarebas asked. He looked at him and nodded before resuming his work.

"Do you... require assistance?" the Saarebas asked. It was the first time he had ever offered his help, and it took him by surprise.

"I.. No. It's fine. I'm almost done anyway." he said.

"Do you have a nickname? I doubt everyone just calls you Arvaarad." the Saarebas asked suddenly and he frowned at the question without looking at him. He normally wouldn't have answered, but since they were alone...

"Yes. My friends usually call me Taashath. They say I have the ability to remain calm under stressful situations, hence the name. I've had others, but only one or two other Qunari used those and I haven't seen them since I've left my Tamassran's care." He said, his voice not showing the  happiness he felt by remembering his Tamassran and the day he had left her, knowing she had picked him to be an Arvaarad.

"May I... call you Taashath? When we're alone, I mean" his Saarebas asked and Taashath looked at him. He was about to deny but he reconsidered it when he looked at him. They had been together ever since he completed his training, and even if he had been re-educated into his new position, he probably felt alone in the world at some unconscious level since they barely talked to one another. He had to remember that his Saarebas was a living being, and even if he had been taught never to talk to his Saarebas outside the strictly necessary, what harm could it do?

"Yes, if you wish. Just be sure no one is around. The consequences would be... severe." He finally said, finishing the makeshift bed with whatever cloth he found on the house. Looking back at him, he felt the compulsion to know more about him. He shouldn't do that, but since he had given his nickname...

"What should I call you then? When we're alone, I mean" the Saarebas raised an eyebrow, clearly not expecting to be asked anything.

"I don't remember much of my time before the Qun, as you might guess." he replied and closed his eyes. After a few moments Taashath thought the conversation had ended, standing up he meant to approach the Saarebas when he spoke. "Meravas. You may call me that if you wish. That's what I remember most".

"Meravas", Taashath replied using both meanings of the word. Meravas' lips curved slightly for a second before relaxing his face into the usual blank expression.

"You must be tired, take the couch." Taashath said, before stripping and lying down on the makeshift bed. Meravas said nothing else and went to sleep on the couch soon after.

*

Over the next set of years, Taashath and Meravas continued to serve the Qun. However, every time they found themselves alone, they would talk about their missions, either going through the plan or discussing out they turned out. Lately, they also began talking about other events, like important dates with ceremonies, something interesting they had seen or otherwise just some small talk. It remained a secret, as they kept their role when under the watch of other Qunari, but Taashath had grown close to Meravas. Close enough to call him a friend even. It helped that Meravas did not feel angry towards the Qun for how he was now treated. He had been before for sure, knowing that his life before had been one of freedom, but the re-education must have helped him get over it. He apparently was now just happy to _be_.

Then, they were given their first mission in the south, in the outskirts of Tevinter. A dangerous group of Tal-Vashoth had been seen and they had orders to kill them on sight. However, it didn't go as planned. The Tal-Vashoth moved towards a village just over the border in Tevinter, and barricaded themselves inside an orphanage for Soporati children. It was close to the village but away enough for no one to see them. Taashath felt disgust in his gut. Using kids as bargaining chips was a new low to how he saw Tal-Vashoth, and that meant something since he had spent many years hunting them already and saw first-hand what they were capable of.

"Arvaarad, order your mages to burn the place down. We shall wait to make sure the Tal-Vashoth are dead and then we move out" the leader of their attack force ordered. He saw with wide eyes as the other Arvaraad prepared to order their Saarebas to attack. Taashath talked back before he could restrain himself. "There are kids inside!"

The leader squinted their eyes. "Are you questioning orders, Arvaraad?" they asked. There was no mistaking the warning in their tone of voice. Somehow he was able to remain calm in face of a higher ranking Qunari questioning him, remembering the children inside the building.

"Tal-Vashoth are the ones who kill children! You're asking us to do the same!" he yelled, as the first spells were cast and hit the building, setting it on fire.

"They are Tevinter! Now, order your Saarebas to attack" _or we will put you down_ , was left unsaid. It was wrong, this was all wrong. They would defeat the Tal-Vashoth, yes, but...

He hesitated, and it apparently had been enough. "Ashkost kata!" the leader screamed, taking their weapon and swinging it against him. He felt a strange feeling, like cold water running over him, and when the weapon connected he was sent backwards. In the confusion, the remaining Saarebas and Arvaarads stopped what they were doing and looked at him. Somehow he had suffered no injury. Confusion and shock over what had just happened were rooting him in place, hearing only the screams of the children inside the orphanage that he was sure would never forget again. He felt sick. 

Meravas ran to him, and raised a wall of fire between him and the rest of the Qunari.

"You must go, Taashath. Please. You must survive." he pleaded. He forgot that questioning the orders would mean the death of his Saarebas... of _Meravas_. A pain coursed through his chest at the thought.

"I am not going without you!" he said, trying to sound confident, but failing.

"If we both go, we both die. If I stay I can delay them enough. Please, you care about others in a way that most Qunari don't. I thank you for not making me attack the orphanage, and now I only ask that you help as many people as you can. But for that, you must live and escape, we don't have much time." Meravas said. Taashath knew that he was right, only if he stayed could he have any chance of survival. But without him he's... he's  _nothing_.

"Kadan..." Taashath said, finally. Meravas smiled and mouthed a 'go' before blasting him in the opposite direction with a renewed barrier. Taashath cried as he got up from where he landed and ran. Meravas wanted him to live, to help people. He had to focus on that and believe that Meravas would be happy.

* * *

 "Damn..." was all that Bull has able to put into words. He got up, took Maraas by his hand and hugged him. "I had no idea... what you went through was like if I had become Tal-Vashoth AND lost the Chargers at the same time." He sounded genuinely concerned. Maraas gave him a sad smile and looked at the control rod in his hand. He hated the thing, but it was the only physical proof that Meravas had been real.

"It's fine. My point is, if I didn't turn out to be savage, then neither will you. You have a stronger mind than me. And even if I had help to deal with it after, you will also have it." Maraas broke the hug to look at him, to show him he was being serious. Bull nodded and pulled Maraas towards the bed, where Dorian still sat with a shocked face. It was the first time they had seen the mage at such a loss of words that they couldn't help but chuckle. It broke his apparent trance and scowled. 

"If you feel well enough to laugh then I guess I shouldn't be worried." Dorian said as if annoyed, but his voice betrayed his concern as well. "Yeah, it was a long time ago. Though I think you can understand why I don't like talking about it." Maraas shrugged.

"Well, bed is awfully cold, so if you want to come into bed I wouldn't mind cuddling." he added, not knowing what else to say, but his presence alone was enough to comfort both Bull and Maraas. Bull agreed with a grunt and helped Maraas into the bed next to Dorian, joining him right after on the other side and pulling them close. The silence was comfortable, but Bull felt that he needed to word his thanks. "That... helped. Thank you both, Kadan". There was no other word to describe what he felt, for either of them.

In truth, after hearing Maraas story he felt that he was actually fortunate. And he was right... so long as he had him and Dorian he would be fine. Not only that, he also had his Chargers. It still pained him, being Tal-Vashoth, and he knew it wouldn't become much better. But he wouldn't have to fight his inner demons alone. He sighed, and let their warmth lull him back to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> By the way, Taashath's use of the word Kadan towards Meravas is meant show how important Meravas is to him. His whole existence was to guard Meravas. He was his purpose, and without him he was almost literally nothing, purposeless, at the least from the eyes of someone under the Qun. Also, I think you can guess why his name is Maraas now (Adaar comes later and it is due to other reasons, but related).
> 
> There are some details about his past that I have kept for myself. If you're interested you can ask about it, you have a link to my tumblr on the previous chapter.  
> Next I will focus on smaller chapters like the previous ones.
> 
> (Leliana totally heard the story. And she totally made sure that no one interrupted them that day).
> 
> Translations (most non-obvious ones):  
> Antaam: a name for the Qunari army.  
> Arvaarad: "One who holds back evil;" a Qunari who watches over the saarebas (Qunari mages) and hunts Tal-Vashoth.  
> Ashkost kata!: You are seeking death!  
> Maraas: "Nothing" or "alone."  
> Maraas imekari: "A child bleating without meaning."  
> Meravas: "So shall it be."  
> Shanedan, pashaara. Ebost antir vantaam vasheb-sa karatoh.: I hear you. Enough. You're tired of the excrement your superior has been giving you. (More colloquially: "Give it a rest, why don't you?")  
> Taashath: Calm  
> 


	26. Thinking of you (Iron Bull/LI)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bull comes out of the Demands of the Qun thinking of everything he could become.  
> He decides to write a letter to his LI, one that he thinks he will never give, but one he needs to write anyway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to try something different while I'm writing my next angst story. The challenge I posed to myself was to make Bull write a letter to his love interest, without specifying who that person is. Hopefully I managed to deliver. Enjoy!

The first word came easily to him, considering the turmoil of feelings inside of him. Yes... Kadan. That single word remained in the paper in front of him for several minutes as he tried to decide what to write down. When he next dotted the paper with ink, he still didn't know what he should write, but his hand wrote anyway.

_Kadan,_

_I want you to know that you are the center of my chest, of my life, of my purpose... of my being._

_You make me happier than I have ever been, like a dragon flying over a field of pink flowers._

_You make me feel more alive than I have ever been when I trace your skin with my hands._

_You make me feel like the luckiest person on Thedas when I hear the soft sounds you make when I take care of you._

_You make me feel all of this and so much more..._

_However,_

_My emotions were kept bounded by my past. Being Qunari isn't just a declaration of faith. It is a way of life._   _ ~~I am sure I will~~_

_I might eventually be taken over by my rage. By the fury inside of me. By the thirst I feel for blood. By... the blinding madness._

__I could only see the way of the savage in front of me as the dreadnought exploded and sank. A way underground, revealed as the way of the Qun crumbled._ _

_Kadan... I am afraid._

_Afraid I might hurt you. Or my boys. Or anyone else._

_You told me it would be alright. That you would be there for me._

_I want to believe that. For the first time in my like, I want._

_I told you I was fine._

_I might not be..._

_But I will try._

_For us._

 


	27. What you need is what I want (M!Lavellan/Iron Bull)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mahanon questions why Bull is with him, knowing that it is the first real relationship that the Qunari has ever had.
> 
> Aka, Bull hates talking about his feelings, but he does it anyway to reassure his Kadan that he is happy.

"Ma vhenan?" Mahanon asks one night in bed, curled up next to Bull after the fact. He is tracing imaginary lines over Bull's pectoral, and he knows that whatever he is thinking is making him nervous.

"Yes, Kadan?" Bull replies, kissing the top of his head to reassure him.

"Why did you accept it? The dragon tooth necklace, I mean." Mahanon questions. He has his face relaxed, barely giving any hint of his concern.

"What brought this on?" He asks Mahanon. It is more to know his mental state than anything else, since he was expecting this question for some time now. Mahanon's eyes seemed to unfocused, like he was remembering something from the past.

"Well, you mentioned that you like giving what people need. It is your thing. I started wondering... did you accept the necklace because I needed you to? I thought I only wanted it, but now I'm not so sure. I'm afraid I backed you against a wall with no way out but to accept it to prevent me from collapsing emotionally. I highly doubt that no one has never tried to go after your heart before me, and from all I know I'm your first real... well, relationship. I know that you couldn't have it when you were under the Qun, but still. I need to know that you're in this because it is something that you want as well." Mahanon explains, looking up at Bull's face after he finishes.

Bull smiles at him, feeling a whole new level of fondness he didn't know was possible. Mahanon cared about him, and he would sacrifice what he treasures most for Bull if that meant he would be happier. That's one of the reasons that brought Bull to accept the necklace, but hardly the only one.

"Oh, Kadan. You know I don't know exactly what love is, but I care deeply about you too. No one that wanted me as their... what do they call it? Significant other, would have sacrificed what we have if that meant I would be happier. But believe me when I tell you that if I didn't want this, I wouldn't be here." Bull says, feeling Mahanon's hair as he moves his fingers through it.

"But, why me? Why now?" Mahanon asks, and Bull knows that he will have to explain exactly what he finds in him that he didn't find in anyone else before. 

Bull sighed and tried to collect his thoughts, picking the words carefully. After a couple of minutes he says. "I could bring up everything you did for me since I joined the Inquisition, but that wouldn't be enough to express what I feel for you. Well, first you are amazing in the battlefield. The power you show when you're casting... the precision and the level of control you demonstrate... I would be lying if I said it didn't stir me inside. And outside as well" he added, earning a smack on the chest from his Kadan. He remained silent however, clearly wanting to know more.

"Then, you kept asking me about my culture, the Qun, even knowing what it would do to you. What impressed me more was the fact that you were actually interested in what I had to say. Many people who wanted to get into my pants used that tactic before, but they weren't exactly listening. You were, and tried to understand it. That made me see you in a new light. Then you took the role of Inquisitor, even though it weighted a lot on your shoulders. You made difficult decisions and accepted the consequences, like a true leader. You earned my respect as a Qunari for that."

Bull shifted and rested his back on the headboard, pulling Mahanon into his lap and smelled his hair. How he loved the smell of it. Lavender, with a hint of elfroot. Mahanon relaxed against him and Bull continued.

"Then, don't think I didn't notice that every time you went to kill a dragon, you would bring me with you. I've seen everyone of your inner circle in a dragon hunting party, and not once you've replaced me, even though Cassandra or Blackwall are just as capable. I mean, seriously. What better way is there to my heart, or any Qunari's heart for that manner, than to bring me along to kill dragons? And you've done it six times already! I don't think I have to tell you that you're the first one to pull that off on me." Bull is unable to restrain himself and he kissed and nibbled Mahanon's neck, making him squirm and moan. He also seemed to blush a little.

"Right" Bull adds quickly. "Those sounds that you make also get me every time. Which brings me to my final reason to want to be here with you. You're not ashamed of me." Bull says, now smiling as he presses more kisses behind his hear. That, however, makes Mahanon tense and ask in disbelief "How would anyone be ashamed of you Bull?"

"I am Qunari, at the end of the day. Even if someone tries to get back into my bed more than once, never have they actually wanted to let the fact be known. You're pretty much the first. I must say that, from experience alone, I would have expected you to have denied everything when Cullen, Josephine and Cassandra walked in on us. Somehow I knew you wouldn't, but I still felt relief wash over me when you didn't. I did, however, expect you to leave it at that, but you had other plans, and presented me with the dragon tooth necklace... the Necklace of Kadan. Something I had only briefly mentioned months before. I knew then, that I would give everything I had mine to give to see you protected. You, who see that I am happy, that I can kill a dragon from time to time, that I can still drink with my Chargers at night..." Bull paused a second, to emphasize his last point before finishing "You that are the center of my chest, my Kadan. I will say it again, and every time anyone asks me. It is at your side that I want to be."

Mahanon turns around and hugs him, before kissing him passionately, his eyes somewhat wet. "Thank you, ma vhenan. I truly am a lucky person to have you" he says after a while, and they remain tightly together in a hug for quite some time before Bull mentions to his ear "Now is your turn to explain why you made the necklace in the first place".

Mahanon backs away from him, opening his mouth and closing it several times before blushing heavily. He clearly did not expect Bull to ask him the same.

"I am joking, kadan." Bull adds, smirking. "I know why you chose me. Ben-Hassrath, remember? It would be impossible for me to not know after we all the time we spent together. It just so happened that what you needed was exactly what I liked to provide."

Mahanon shakes his head. "I still wish to say it. To have someone who could take control when required... and not abuse that power. To have someone I could trust unconditionally. Someone who didn't see the Herald, the Inquisitor... who was once the future Keeper of clan Lavellan, but me. Mahanon Lavellan, and wanted to stay at my side for that alone. You are that someone and a lot more than I had hoped for. Ma vhenan... ar lath ma." He says, hiding his face on his chest. 

"Not quite as big of an explanation, but I'll take it" Bull says, chuckling as he lowered himself back into the bed, pulling Mahanon close to him. Bull might not have known exactly what his last words meant, but he thought he could make a pretty good guess. If what he felt when he called him his Kadan was indeed love, then he could say it back to him.

"I love you too, Kadan" he murmured to the half asleep elf in his arms.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My reasons as to why Bull did end up in a relationship with the Inquisitor.  
> I've been feeling in a mood that doesn't let me write, but I managed to get this little piece done for you all.


	28. Moving on (past Dorian Pavus/Iron Bull)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trespasser spoilers? If you don't want to know one of the outcomes to The Iron Bull's future then don't read this chapter.
> 
> Many years have passed since the day of the Exalted Council, but Dorian still couldn't let go of the past.

It still hurt.

Every time he stopped, every time he had a moment for himself, he couldn't stop the felling of hollowness coming over him. Specially around this time. Almost ten years since The Iron Bu- no, Hissrad, died by his hands... The Iron Bull had been dead for over twelve years now by the hands of Inquisitor Trevelyan. He didn't stop supporting him, but he would never forgive the man. Still, he himself was partially to blame. Bull had explained very clearly that the Qun swallowed everything, and Dorian knew the Chargers were his anchor to leave it. Dorian should have cut short his relationship with Bull when they died, knowing full well that Bull was just one order away from leaving, but he hadn't been able to bring himself to do it. The betrayal had been a lot worse than him just leaving, his only consolation that he had actually worn the dragon tooth necklace to that fight, even if he hadn't been with the Inquisitor's party that day and thus had no reason to.

His consolation and source of bigger despair. It meant that it had been real, and not just another one of his lies. That despair had led to anger, which fueled his drive to restore Tevinter along with Maevaris. However, his anger didn't last, being slowly replaced by the emptiness that he felt in his chest. Now that Lucerni was successfully changing Tevinter, his major life goal was completed. He still had his research, but besides that he had nothing else to look forward to. And no place to really call _home_ like he had in Skyhold. He had hoped that his feelings for Bull would have diminished with time, allowing him to heal, but even that the Maker had denied him.

The only person that still kept in touch with him was Varric, of all people. His letters never failed to make him smile, filled with sass and stories, but they also brought memories that he thought long forgotten. Still, he was one of the few people he actually considered a friend. He had actually considered once moving to Kirkwall, but Tevinter was his legacy and he would not abandon it.

He felt a shift in the air, and he had to amend his previous thought. Alright, it wasn't just Varric who kept in touch, there was also Cole. The days he felt worse and Maevaris wasn't around to give him some support he would show up. He had long since stopped trying to make him go away, and he had to agree that Cole did help most of the time.

" _Horns split and thrown across the ground like leaves in the wind_. You're hurting again, Dorian Pavus." Cole said, after a while.

"I think it won't ever go away, Cole. I cared far too much about him" Dorian replied, used to these conversations with the spirit.

"You wish you had died that night instead of him. But that wouldn't make it better. The Iron Bull would break down and despair instead." Cole replied. Dorian widened his eyes in shock.

"Do you mean, he was still there? Under Hissrad?" Dorian asked the spirit, dreading the possibility that he could have somehow brought Bull back that day.

"Yes, but not the way you remembered him. The Iron Bull was no longer whole, and nothing short of seeing his Kadan die would make him come back again, only to shatter a second time. The process would have destroyed who he was, both The Iron Bull and Hissrad. _The Qun took everything from me, is this what it means to serve the Qun?_ he would have thought. I can't help you anymore Dorian Pavus, but know that if you ever need me, you just have to call me." Cole answered, vanishing into thin air a second later before Dorian could reply.

Knowing that The Iron Bull was still there the whole time, even if in a deep corner of Hissrad's mind made him actually feel better. Maybe it wasn't all Hissrad when they were together just the two of them. Dorian felt then a strange kind of relief wash over him as he grasped the dragon tooth necklace he still wore. For the first time since his amatus had died, he cried freely.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hate myself sometimes...


	29. One step at a time (Dorian Pavus/Rilienus (past Dorian/Bull))

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Direct continuation of chapter 28, so there is some trespasser spoilers!
> 
> After Dorian talks with Cole, his whole perspective on things changes, as does his future.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For auds1978.

It was incredible how that talk with Cole had actually changed him. He had thought himself as being the same as he ever was, despite how he felt, but now his time with Bull seemed distant and was no longer heavy on him, like a pleasant dream that he still remembered clearly and he wished he hadn't waken up from. The necklace around his neck also no longer felt heavy, once a reminder of his weakness, it was now a reminder of all the good times he had spent with him, and that they were still together, just on a different level now. This changed him far more than he cared to admit.

The streets of Qarinus no longer sickened him with its warm colors and the sea breeze. Instead, he felt at... home. His posture must have changed as well, many of the residents started mentioning that he seemed different, and Maevaris actually asked what had happened to him when she saw him again. The hug she gave him transmitted more than relief, it was a silent "I know, it will be fine". Even Varric commented that his letters had changed somewhat.

However, he now felt... lost. His whole life he had something to fight for. His freedom, Felix, the Inquisition, reform Tevinter... but now he didn't know what to do next. Notwithstanding that, he was still a Magister, which meant that soon he had to go to the Magisterium. Lucerni had been most successful in implementing its reforms, but Tevinter still needed guidance in putting them into practice. Even the Qun had taken notice of the shift inside Tevinter, and both rumors of an imminent invasion while Tevinter was reshaping and of possible peace talks were circulating. They had to make preparations for both scenarios, but even as unlikely as it seemed, if it was possible to end the war in Seheron peacefully it would be the best outcome for all sides.

They discussed that and a lot more on the next debate. Some of the most conservative Magisters were still trying to bring down the reforms, but they posed little threat, and the ones that did had been taken care of a long time ago. For the first time since Dorian had started to attend the Magisterium, he looked at the other Magisters. In his rage, he had seen them, but not _looked_ at them. He could now make out some of his father's acquaintances, and some of his childhood "friends" that had participated on soirées throughout his days before the Inquisition. This work was dull, but needed. After a full day of debating, he was finally free to go back to his home in Qarinus until the next debate. 

 _'Maybe I should visit Mother'_ he thought on his way home. Aquinea had spent her last few years in their summer home, unable to see him suffer so much. She had always been like that, unable to cope with distress and preferring to shut her eyes, but she was a good mother otherwise. If he could give her a little bit of happiness before the end, he would like to do so.

He turned the corner to his street and then he noticed someone at his door, a man, clearly another Magister judging by his clothes, but he didn't remember ever seeing him. He noticed Dorian as he approached and smiled. It was a real smile, he noticed as Bull had told him once, one that made one's eyes wrinkle at the corners. A rare sight to see in Tevinter, but he had the feeling he knew the man from somewhere, and not only from the Magisterium.

"Dorian!" he other man exclaimed, offering him his hand. Dorian accepted it and he was pulled into a hug.  _That voice, this feeling... it can't be._

"Rin?" Dorian asked incredulously, breaking the hug and looking carefully at the man in front of him. He remembered having a crush on him in his youth, and while they were friends he had never worked up the courage to tell him. The man in front of him apparently did not succumb to the corruption of Tevinter, retaining his friendly and cheerful traits he had.

"In the flesh. It's good to hear my old nickname again. I intended to have come greet you when you arrived from the south, but Maevaris told me that you were... mourning." Rilienus replied, his face darkening for a second at the end. "I was told you were feeling better now, so I decided to come by to catch up, I hope you don't mind" he added, gesturing towards the house.

"Not at all, please, come in" Dorian said, opening the door with a flick of his hand and letting Rilienus in. Dorian went to pick up one of his best wines and placed it on top of the table, where Rilienus was sitting and waiting. After having served the wine, Dorian sat next to him and they both sipped the wine before gently placing the glasses on the table.

"So, I guess I should congratulate on being a Magister. It is late, but there it is, for all that it counts. I don't remember seeing you at the Magisterium, however." Dorian said, trying to initiate conversation.

"I usually sit behind you, a few corridors up. I haven't participated much so I guess it is expected for me to go unnoticed. I have, however, been helping Lucerni behind the scenes." Rilienus replied, taking another sip from his wine.

"And Maevaris neglected to tell me a friend of mine was helping?" Dorian asked, frowning.

"I asked her not to. I knew you wanted to be more than friends back then, and since I didn't know if you still felt something I didn't want to upset you. Yes, Maevaris told me of the circumstances that led you to come back as you did, I somehow knew your father's death wouldn't put you in that state for so long. It is also late, but I give you my condolences, for both of them." Rilienus said, taking Dorian's hand and placing his other hand over it. Dorian was shocked to know that Rilienus knew he had a crush on him, but also because apparently he knew about Bull and didn't criticize him like most would.

In the mist of emotions he was feeling, he heard himself ask "You knew?" Rilienus chuckled lightly before replying.

"About you having a crush on me? Yeah I knew. I just never acted upon it because I was afraid of what my family would do, but my older brother fulfilled the needs my family had for an heir while you were away. Compared to you I am a coward, as I could not fight for what I believed was right."

"You're not a coward, Rin." Dorian said, holding his hand now in return.

"Yes, I am. I could have followed you, joined the Inquisition and be of help. I could be more active in the Magisterium and prepared a better ground for Lucerni to work on. I could... I could have done so much more, be there for you... _with you_. I made a mistake coming here, I do not deserve you" Rilienus said, trying to pull his hand away, but Dorian held fast.

"Rin, listen to me. A coward always takes the easiest path. They use blood magic when things start to go south, even the slightest. They mistreat slaves to feel powerful. I could go on, and I know you don't do any of these things. You are the kind of person Tevinter should have more of, don't you ever think less of yourself just because you don't stand in the headlights. And if you still want to be here for me, it's not too late." Dorian told him, and he felt his heart race. Rilienus pulled him into another hug.

"Thank you. I can't promise I will be able to provide whatever you had while you were away, but if you'll have me I will try my hardest to make you happy and to take care of you."

Rilienus barely had time to finish his sentence before Dorian kissed him, and Rilienus kissed him back. It tasted salty, as Dorian was crying. After a while they broke the kiss and Rilienus asked "Are you sure you want this?" Dorian sobbed while he laughed, trying to avoid making a sound that could strike at his dignity.

"Yes, I am sure. I had no idea you actually wanted me. That you _still_   wanted me. Will you... stay the night?" Dorian asked, trying to dry his eyes with his sleeve, no longer caring about keeping impressions.

"Of course" Rilienus said, smiling. "What about a nap before dinner? You seem tired".

Rilienus didn't wait for the reply, pulling Dorian with him towards the couch and sitting there, gesturing for Dorian to join him.

"I have a bed, you know?" Dorian said, amused, but he joined him anyway.

"Too far away" Rilienus replied, laying down and pulling Dorian to his side. Dorian found it to be strangely comfortable. He had missed this more than he thought he would have, being held by someone as he tried to sleep. It made him feel protected, cared... loved. It was still too soon to know where this relationship would go, but for the first time he wanted it to go somewhere from the start. Rilienus kissed him one last time and Dorian felt what seemed to be several years worth of exhaustion hit him, falling asleep within a moment.

*

Rilienus had been right. What they had was not like what he had had with The Iron Bull, but not in a bad way. Nor did he want it to be, wanting something to remember Bull by. Rilienus shared a lot of interests with Dorian regarding magic research and beverage of choice, and their relationship was based on making each other happy. In some way, he felt that Bull, by giving him what he needed when he needed, had prepared him for this future with Rilienus, even if he missed his puns and much more exhausting sex. He would forever remember Bull as one of the best people he had ever known, while building a future with Rilienus, step by step.

_Yes... maybe I will be able to heal after all._


	30. The way you move (Dorian Pavus/Iron Bull)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dorian watches Bull after their first night and sees a completely different man.

Dorian sighed as he watched from the main hall The Iron Bull leave the training grounds, looking at the way Bull carried himself.

It had only been hours since he had found himself leaving the warrior's room, the thought making Dorian blush slightly. He wouldn't deny that he had been interested in Bull almost since he first saw him in Redcliff, but he would definitely have said that he wanted only a one night thing. However... Bull was much more than the Qunari brute he had anticipated. It was Dorian's fault, really, for buying into the Tevinter propaganda. He should have known better.

No. Bull surprised him immensely. The sex was amazing, much more than he thought possible, but that wasn't why he was now studying Bull like one might study a newfound species. He had shown him a soft side before and after the fact that stunned him to his very core. Carefulness, tenderness, kindness and caring, all words he wouldn't associate with the man at first sight. He had also given him a watchword, and while he had not really believed he was being serious about it he somehow knew now that he would have stopped had Dorian said it. In all his years in Tevinter, he had never been cared for in such a way, and now he found that he craved more. Specially his voice in his ear, the soft smiles he gave him and the way his huge hands felt against his skin.

Sure, Bull had also boasted about the night's events during breakfast. That had made him uncomfortable, and responded in kind, but he also felt a strange sense of relief that he hid from the others. He could be true to himself here, no one was going to do anything about it like they ~~would~~ almost did in Tevinter. And Bull had no problems in other people knowing he had slept with Dorian, unlike many before had done. Bull is a people's person, he was starting to notice.

Bull moved in a relaxed stroll towards the tavern, axe over his shoulder. He knew the axe was very heavy, and it showed the kind of strength the man had when his muscles tensed while swinging it. His steps were big and slow, transmitting a sense of confidence that was expected from a mercenary's leader. He also knew that soon Bull would be drinking and laughing with his Chargers, as it was expected from a mercenary. Dorian frowned as a thought went through his mind. _He behaves like he does because that's what people expect of him. Did that mean that what he experienced last night was just what he had expected of Bull? No... he had expected something entirely different: to be "conquered" and then left alone, or asked to leave since they had gone to Bull's room._ He might have actually peered into the real man underneath. 

Dorian did not like how his chest tightened at the thought. He would not indulge of idea of something more, yet he would like to know Bull better. He is a mystery to Dorian, and it is Dorian's job to study mysterious subjects. If that comes with a couple of nights spent with Bull then what had he to lose? Perhaps he should fear the chance that he might gain something, instead.

Before Bull entered the tavern, he looked back and noticed Dorian was still observing him. He gave Dorian the half smile he knew pushed Dorian in all the right buttons and walked right into the tavern, shaking his head in amusement. Dorian huffed and made his way to the tavern, but instead of joining Bull he sat in the opposite side of the slowly filling room. Bull was already holding a mug, drinking freely. Tonight the Chargers would be out of Skyhold in a mission, so Bull would be alone. Dorian didn't know the Chargers yet, perhaps he should. They weren't exactly the kind of people he liked to spend time with, but they were Bull's family in a way. Certainly they would be interesting folk, and Bull would appreciate it for sure, which would be an added bonus.

He had entered the tavern a few times before, and each time Bull would be accompanied by someone mostly red headed girls, or trying to get the focus of one of the tavern's waitresses, again as it was expected of a mercenary. He did get surprised when he had seen him with a man however, not expecting Bull of all people to be interested in the same sex, and certainly not to show it off so blatantly. It would take some time to get used to the idea that what he was wasn't taboo in the south. Maybe he never would. Something seemed different about Bull tonight, though. He was _alone_. Not only that, he wasn't even trying to keep the attention of the waitresses.

Instead, he drank from his mug, rested his back against the chair putting one hand over his rather soft belly. Bull moved in a way that hypnotized Dorian, not noticing him putting his mug on the table and slightly tensing his arm, bulging his muscles, like he was... _flexing._ Realization hit Dorian as Bull looked at him and gave him a one eyed wink that didn't find cute but stupid, blushing under the thought of having been caught. Mustering the rest of his dignity, Dorian stood and walked over to him, sitting on the other side of his table. 

"I've been watching you." he said suddenly.

"I noticed. Surprised you that much, huh?" he teased, smirking as he drank from his mug again.

"Perhaps you did" Dorian confessed. "You are... a lot different than what you seem to be. I actually have a theory." He added, smiling when he saw Bull's eyebrow raise.

"Oh, I've got to hear this. Go on then, tell me what you think of me." Bull said, making himself comfortable in his chair.

*

"I'm impressed. You have quite the eye." Bull said, emptying his mug after Dorian had finished describing what he had found about him during the day. "You're right. It makes people overlook me much more readily if I match what they expect me to be. They believe I'm just a mindless, unthreatening beast that they don't even bother acknowledging my presence, and that allows me to do my job as a spy a lot more easily. There is a reason my title under the Qun translates to liar, after all" Bull said, noting the way Dorian's face showed surprise.

"Liar? Is that why you're still doing it around Skyhold? Expecting to fool anyone?" Dorian snapped. Bull shrugged.

"Nah, I just grew accustomed to it. The boss knows exactly what I am capable of and who I am. You do too." Bull replied calmly, dropping his voice at the end to make Dorian know exactly what he meant. "I've no interest in lying to you." he added. It made Dorian let out his breath, not realizing he was holding it.

"Did you mean everything you told me yesterday? Would you... like to continue?" Dorian asked, trying not to let his uncertainty show.

"Hell yeah!" Bull exclaimed, grinning ferociously. "You are perfect, the most beautiful man I've ever seen. Never doubt that. But after you left before morning I wasn't sure if you liked it, even if you seemed to have had the night of your life."

"Oh, I liked it alright." Dorian replied, but was unable to express the feelings he was starting to feel for the man in front of him. "I am just..."

"Not used to have, what do they call it? Friends with benefits?" Bull helped finishing his thought.

"Yes and no, at least not for more than five minutes inside a closet every now and again." Dorian corrected. Bull frowned again, muttering something under his breath as he grabbed one of Dorian's hand under the table and massaged it with his thumb.

"Do you want to continue, whatever it is that we have? I can't promise you that I know what I am doing, but I know I can give you a lot more than five fucking minutes in some stupid closet." Bull asked, and Dorian's heart skipped a beat.  _Tell him no. He will hurt you eventually. They always do in the end._

"Yes" Dorian said, not registering what his mind was saying. Bull gave him one of his honest smiles that did _not_ warm him inside as Bull stood up, carrying him back to his room upstairs. He might get out of this hurt, but if he can get some semblance of an actual relationship for once in his life, he might as well take it before it's too late.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not exactly my best, but I haven't written in a while with all the traveling I had to do recently and I needed to derust myself a little bit. I can't find any big mistakes, but It's late, so I apologize in advance if there is any error or grammatical weirdness. I just felt like I needed to post something for all of you.
> 
> I also feel like I should thank everyone for leaving their support, be it in the form of kudos or comments (or both). I also just realized recently that I actually have people subscribed to my works, which I can't even begin to express how amazing that is. This awesome community is the reason why I keep reading and writing fanfics :) 
> 
> Anyway, I hope you all liked this chapter.


	31. Life Goals (Dorian Pavus/Iron Bull)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With one of his major life goals achieved, Dorian intends to starts planning his next one. One that he just now fully realized he had.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't remember ever reading anything about Dorian's eventual return to Bull's side after his plans for Tevinter are realized. So, this happened. Enjoy :)

It seemed that they had started so long ago, and now... it was over.

"What's wrong Dorian? You have the same expression ever since the election." he heard Maevaris tell him and the smile he wore for the last couple of hours faltered.

"I just... It's been my life's goal to change Tevinter up until now. It hasn't sunk in yet." he replied. It was like having your entire life flipped upside down, but not in a bad way. Maevaris smiled and laid a hand on his shoulder.

"You know none of this would have been possible without your help. Just celebrate for now, you have time to decide where to go from here." she told him and Dorian composed himself, giving her a slight bow.

"Of course, Archon Tilani. And congratulations on your new title, as it seems I've haven't had the opportunity to congratulate you until now" Dorian said formally, betrayed only by the friendly smile he gave her while trying to put all his thoughts aside for now.

"Thank you, Magister Pavus. Please enjoy yourself this evening, as I suspect you'll be quite busy tomorrow." she replied in kind, giving him a friendly nod before being asked to be spoken to by some other guests. Dorian sighed, feeling increasingly tired.

Dorian went back to the beverages' table and asked for another glass of wine. He needed some time alone to decide what to do next, but it would be impolite to leave so soon, even if he knew Maevaris wouldn't care. So he spoke with many of the Magisters that attended the event. He grew wary of it quickly, though. Most of the conversations were focused on what Maevaris would do in the days to come, their doubts and fears. He enjoyed his wine while he could and left when he thought it would be acceptable.

*

The next morning he woke up regretting his life decisions, as he usually did after a heavy drinking night. However, his mood improved considerably when he noticed that it was the sending crystal that had cause him to wake up. Pressing the crystal with his thumb, he waited for his lover to notice that he was listening.

"Kadan?" he heard the low rumbling of Bull's voice coming from the crystal.

"Amatus. I take it everything is well with you and the Chargers?" Dorian replied, the last remnants of sleep melting away.

"Yeah. Rocky exploded with one of the tents while still trying to recreate gaatlok, but everyone is ok. Dalish keeps asking if you can teach her a new spell next time we get together too." Bull said, expectation evident in his voice.

Realization hit Dorian like a punch to the stomach. It was done... he had enabled Tevinter to be changed, now that Maevaris was made the Archon. The thought of what that meant for him and Bull seemed so surreal. Would he be fine with a life of wandering around with the Chargers? With Bull? Yes... he would be more than fine. He needed it, even. He now realized that he never actually felt he was at home in Tevinter, not after knowing Bull. Home would be were his Amatus was. Would the Chargers like to have him around though? He only hoped that it wouldn't become a problem.

With all the commotion around the election he had forgotten to tell Bull about it, he realized. Perhaps he could surprise him, but he still had to deal with his position in the Magisterium before leaving.

"Kadan? Are you alright?" Bull asked, and Dorian could hear the worry behind the words.

"Yes yes, just thinking about something. I'll be glad to teach Dalish anything she wants, you know that. Tell Rocky that I am proud of him." Dorian said with a smile, and Bull laughed as a reply.

"Bull... any chance we can meet soon?" Dorian asked.

"Shit yeah! Hmm... We were going to go find another since we don't have anything at the moment, so I can make it to the villa in a couple of weeks." Bull replied, excited. It had been over half an year since they had seen each other, so it was expected.

"That would be perfect. I'll see you in a fortnight then. I'll have a surprise for you, so don't be late." Dorian said, and he could imagine Bull's mind already at work trying to figure it out. After a few seconds he heard Bull chuckle, putting the thought away for later.

"Alright Kadan, I'll be sure to have a surprise ready for you too. Give those Magisters a beating for me will you?" Bull replied and Dorian heard Krem in the distance calling for Bull. "Well, gotta go inform the boys. I'll talk to you later Kadan."

"Those evil Magisters won't see it coming. Give my regards to the Chargers and tell them to not boss you around too much. I'll call you later, Amatus." Dorian said and reluctantly terminated the connection. If Dorian was going to be honest with himself, he knew that it would be hard to have everything ready before leaving, but the thought of not having to come back was enticing enough to try his hardest.

Getting up, Dorian noticed a piece of paper sticking out of his robes that still hung from the clothes hanger. Retrieving the paper, he noticed that it was actually an envelope, written by Maevaris herself. Opening the letter, he started reading it.

> _Dorian,_
> 
> _I am sorry to not have told you about this yesterday, but I was sure that we wouldn't have much privacy to talk about this. I know that with Lucerni now being able to change laws, with me in the position of Archon, that you would start to think about going back south._
> 
> _I do know what it is that you're feeling, and I would be disappointed if you didn't want to go back to him. Still, it is your call. In the event that I am not mistaken, I know that you won't want to completely cut off your relations with Tevinter. To that end I've prepared an official document that will allow you to keep your position as a Magister, but will allow you to be away for most of the time. By that I mean that you would only have to come back personally for a time in case something major happens, but by then I hope that Qunari will be able to enter the country without fear of immediate execution._
> 
> _You'd be something akin to an ambassador. I think that the world needs to know what Tevinter is becoming. You will still receive updates on what the Magisterium is doing and you will be able to give your inputs through me._
> 
> _If you agree with these terms, please sign the declaration I attached and have it sent to me._
> 
> _On a personal note from a friend to another: be happy. You already sacrificed too much for a country that did not even recognize your worth._
> 
> _Your friend,_
> 
> _Meavaris Tilani_

When Dorian finished reading we couldn't hold back tears from falling from his eyes. Maevaris had always known how to make him feel better, but this... he had no words to describe it. He quickly wrote a letter thanking her for the thought and effort, attaching the document she had mentioned, already signed without a second of hesitation.

*

In the end, Dorian didn't pack anything else besides what he would normally take for a trip to the villa. A few different set of robes, food, water and some books. It had brought a smile to realize that being with Bull was everything that he would require. Well, Bull, his books and his good looks obviously.

Sighing contently, he perked up when the entrance to the small villa came into view and a man with a well distinguished pair of horns waited for him. Jumping from the carriage that brought him, he ran towards his Amatus and hugged him as soon as he could, Bull laughing and spinning him around before kissing him on the spot.

"Damn, I missed you Kadan. Your travel went well, I take it?" Bull asked, tracing Dorian's jaw with his thumb. Dorian sighed and buried his face on Bull's chest.

"Yes, yes. Am I safe to assume that everything went well on your end as well?" Dorian asked, reveling on the smell of Bull washing over him once again.

"Nothing major happened. The boys are at their usual location and they're going to join us in a couple of days. Until then, do you have anything in mind you want to be doing?" Bull asked as he smelled Dorian's hair and stroked his back with his hand.

"Oh, I don't know... We could play chess or read a book." Dorian teased.

"Hmm, chess sounds good. I think you could go for a round of being _conquered"_  Bull said, grinning at the end. Dorian laughed as he got his bag from the approaching carriage.

"And I am sure that you would be more than willing to conquer, you brute" Dorian replied, smacking him in the chest as he led the way towards the villa.

The night and the next day were spent mostly in bed. Like the previous times they made up for lost time by fucking, sleeping or just by laying on the bed together and bask on each other's presence.

"I've been needing this Kadan... you think we can meet up more frequently? I'd like that" Bull asked. Dorian sat up on the bed and looked out the window.

"About that, I need to tell you something." Dorian said. He felt Bull moving behind him and pulling him towards his chest. "Yeah? What is it?" he hears him ask.

"Oh, nothing bad I assure you." Dorian added, realizing that what he said before sounded like he was going to say something bad. "It is actually the surprise I promised you"

"If that is the case, then let me give you my surprise first" Bull said. "I've talked to the boys and we agreed that, if one day you want to, I mean..." he added before going quiet for a few seconds. It was rare to see Bull at a loss for words.

"I am no good at this, so I'll just say it. If you ever wish to join the Chargers, you have a permanent position waiting for you. I know I've mentioned it to you before, but I've never discussed it with the boys. Well, now I have. They looked at me funny, like _What are you talking about? Of course he can join._ " Bull said, shaking his head in amusement.

"Amatus..." Dorian said, grasping the arms holding him around his waist. For all the silliness the Chargers transmitted when they told their job stories, he knew they were a very well respected mercenary company. One of the best. To know that all of them welcomed him into their fold was too much.

"You don't have to decide now. I mean, if you don't want to be traveling across Thedas with them it is fine, we can keep meeting here if you think-" Bull was saying until Dorian turned around and kissed him in order to silence him.

"Spend my days fighting, travelling, drinking and being a badass with the Chargers. With you. Is everything I'd like to do. So long as I've my books around of course." Dorian replied and he could feel Bull relaxing under him. "In fact, I think I'll have to take up on your offer sooner than you think". Bull raised an eyebrow at that.

"I've been wanting to surprise you with this. Maevaris has been elected Archon." Dorian confessed. 

"Congratulations, Kadan. That was faster than I thought possible, to be honest. I can't wait to see what will be the future for Tevinter and its people." Bull said, sporting a smile. "Does that mean we will be able to meet more often until everything is ready for you to... to join me?" Bull asked with a hopeful voice.

"You should probably thank Maevaris, since she had everything ready. She had a document delivered to me that changed my duties in the Magisterium. I'm allowed to be away for an undetermined amount of time as ambassador, to let people outside of Tevinter know how it will change. I may have to go back sometimes, but it shouldn't be common." Dorian said, letting the information sink in.

"Does that mean that... you will be going with me in a few days?" Bull asked, incredulous.

"Yes Amatus. It does." Dorian replies, and Bull apparently can't express how he is feeling. Bull just kissed him, soft and slow, unlike their usual kisses in the heat of the moment. There was feeling there, and he knows exactly that it meant.

_Welcome home, Kadan._


	32. Sleep talking (Dorian Pavus/Iron Bull)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bull sleep talks, and Dorian can't let it go.

Dorian found himself awake in the middle of the night, lying next to whom would probably be the end of him one day. If he wanted to not be seen in The Iron Bull's room in the morning by people, specially Sera, he would have to go soon. As Dorian steeled himself for the cold that would follow, Bull mumbled something unintelligible.

Dorian froze, expecting Bull to be awake, but he seemed to be asleep still. Not that it mattered what Bull  _seemed_  to be doing because he had shown time and time again that he was more than capable to surprise him. Bull, however, remained still, and only his uneven breath indicated that Bull wasn't actually trying to catch him off guard. It only served to make Dorian concerned, as a brother-in-arms and _nothing_ else, as he had never seen Bull sleep like that. 

"Tama... what if I can't?" Bull mumbled. Dorian's eyebrows shot up in surprise.  _'_ _Is he sleep talking? Qunari don't dream, so perhaps... a memory?'_ Dorian thought, his curiosity flaring.

"No... I won't. I should... but they're mine." Bull continued. Dorian wondered if he should listen, for some reason it seemed like he was invading his privacy. After a few seconds he decided to stay and listen, it's not like any of it would make any sense without context and he would be able to tease him with it later.

"Perfect... beautiful... such power... ataaaashiiii" Bull said now, his mouth morphing into a lazy smirk. Dorian was pretty sure he had heard Bull using the last word before, but he couldn't quite place it.

"Ataashi... Dorian... shut up kadan, you like it" Bull sleep talked again, followed by more unintelligible words until Bull stopped completely. It seemed Bull was "dreaming" of him, but he used two words he didn't know the exact meaning together with his name.

It seemed he had some research to do.

*

He spent most of his morning searching for any book that might give him any indication of what the words Ataashi and Kadan meant. Ataashi he found easily enough, in a book about a study that tried to understand the connection between Qunari and dragons. Apparently ataashi meant 'glorious one', but it is also used to refer to a dragon, which makes sense, considering how Qunari think of dragons. It seemed that Bull was remembering one of the various dragon fights, but the last words still made to sense, and kadan was nowhere to be found in the book.

After a completely wasted day, he decided to just confront Bull. Normally he would leave it alone, but his curiosity took over him. Leaving the library behind, he decided to go look for him. It was getting late, so he wasn't entirely surprised to find Bull already at the tavern. Bull beckoned him over and ordered some Ferelden ale he knew Dorian secretly loved.

"What brings my little mage from his tower so early?" Bull asked with a lopsided grin.

"Believe it or not, research." Dorian replied, prompting Bull to raise an eyebrow.

"Research? On ale?" Bull asked. Dorian knew he wasn't being serious, it was just his way of asking for details.

"Yes ale. It is fascinating how such a combination of ingredients and fermentation process can release a person from his insecurities and mental restraints." Dorian said, playing himself ignorant.

"Riiight. Sure, is that so important that it takes precedence over your research on Corypheus?" Bull asked with a knowing smile.  _Kaffas._

"Alright, you win. I might have overheard you sleep talking last night. You mentioned a couple of words in Qunlat and I've been trying to find what they meant." Dorian confessed.

"Really? I must be losing my touch if I sleep talk. What did I say then?" Bull asked, focusing on Dorian.

"Well, you only talked for about a minute, and most of it didn't make much sense to me, but you did mention something about power and the word ataashi". Dorian said. He would test him first with this one before the other to make sure Bull wouldn't be lying.

"Huh, that explains why I woke up so eager for another round" Bull mentioned, enjoying the blush that crept up Dorian's face. "Well yes, that is great but you haven't-" Dorian started, but Bull took pity on him. "Dragon. Actually it means 'glorious one', but it is also means dragon" Bull explains, drinking from his mug before asking "You mentioned a couple of words, so what else?"

"Kadan" Dorian replied. Bull's reaction was anything but what Dorian had expected. Bull choked on his ale and looked like he had been caught completely by surprise. "Vashedan" Bull cursed, coughing and wiping his mouth. "I did say anything else before or after? It can mean a lot of different things." he eventually asked. 

Dorian eyed him suspiciously before he replied. "You mentioned my name just before, then you also mentioned that I liked it, whatever it was that you were thinking about".

If Bull looked suspicious before, now he was looking at his mug refusing to make eye contact. There was something there. "Bull?" he asked again.

"Yeah, you see... Kadan can mean a lot of different things. It is usually an endearment we use. Some use it for close friends, for example." Bull mentioned, before he forced himself to relax in order to look at Dorian directly.

"Okay, but I haven't heard you call anyone else that, and I am quite sure you have many close friends in the Chargers, to say the least. What exactly does it mean though?" Dorian asked, a feeling of dread going over him.  _He wouldn't..._

"Look, how about we go to my room? I could use some distraction after today's practice." Bull attempted as a getaway, but he could see in Dorian's eyes that they wouldn't go anywhere until Bull replied to the question. "Bull..." Dorian pressed.

"Alright, fine. It means 'the center of the chest'" Bull deadpanned, looking annoyed, and the added in a lower voice "It can also mean ''where the heart lies".

"Oh" Dorian managed to say, all his thoughts halting abruptly.

"There. I don't usually use that word for my friends and while I've been wanting to call you that for some time, I was afraid I would scare you, knowing your past." Bull said, looking for any hints that might indicate what Dorian was thinking.

"So... you..." Dorian stuttered, and Bull replied with a simple "Yeah".

Dorian suddenly stood up, and Bull's expected him to bolt through the door. Instead, he reached his hand for Bull to take. "Well... I believe I might need that distraction you mentioned as well, Amatus". Bull looked at him for a second before laughing softly and taking his hand and letting himself being led through the tavern and up the stairs.

Dorian kept thinking that it was probably a mistake, that it wouldn't... no, that it couldn't last. But if someone like Bull, who had only experienced one night stands before, wanted to give it a try... then it will be worth it, even if he comes out of it hurting in the end. In the meanwhile... perhaps they will be good for each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If life doesn't give you prompts, you give your own prompts life... I guess.  
> So yeah, sleep talking and sappiness, because why not. My itch for angst is growing too, perhaps I can continue my other fic now :D


	33. The anatomy of hugs (M!Lavellan/Iron Bull)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hugs were something that people gave involuntarily during sex and that's it, right?  
> The Iron Bull would have said yes before he met Mahanon Lavellan, but now? Now he knows better.

Mahanon Lavellan was not the kind of men who shied away from gestures of affection. That much was obvious even after their first day at the Storm Coast.

He seemed to be a bit uncomfortable with the fact that he was being called the Herald of Andraste, but he seemed to have his mind focused on what had to be done and his heart was in the right place. After pondering about the fact that Bull was a spy for the Qun, he had accepted him under the condition that all his reports had to be approved by the newly formed Inquisition's spymaster. Bull was fine with that, he had nothing to hide. However, when their conversation ended he asked Bull to stay with his party, taking advantage of the bodyguard position Bull had offered. After their first day together, he did something unexpected at the camp. He hugged everyone before he went to sleep, including Bull. 

Normally people only hugged him during sex, so it surprised him somewhat to find that the gesture had nothing sexual about it. It didn't take more than a second, but it showed just how much he cared for the people that followed him and how grateful he was. He didn't do it to everyone, just the people that were closer to him, his inner circle... his friends. The fact that he had been a receiver of one such hug made him feel warm inside. Huh, who knew he was into that. He was also very pleased to see that Lavellan tried to keep in touch with everyone whenever he could, including Bull's lieutenant, Krem. They would sometimes spend an entire night drinking and laughing to the stories they shared, Krem about the Chargers and Lavellan about his clan. It didn't surprise him much to see him hug Krem in the same manner afterwards. Apparently Lavellan liked to be fast friends with everyone if he could.

When he questioned Lavellan about it he smiled and mentioned that people should share what they feel for one another in some way. Bull didn't fully grasp how a hug could be used to show more complex feelings, but there was a side of him that wanted to know how. Maybe Lavellan would show it to him if he looked carefully. This also made him a person that one couldn't be mad at, which certainly played in his favor since he was quite the prankster. He seemed to agree with Sera in almost everything, disagreeing only on the "elfy" parts, but that didn't seem important to either of them so long as they didn't mention it. When they got together it as sure as the night follows the day that someone would be somewhat upset, but it did a lot to lighten the mood around, and Lavellan seemed to be well aware of that.

However, it wasn't until the failed operation on the Storm Coast that he fully understood how the gesture was capable of expressing something else. Lavellan had told Bull that he was a good man, and Bull tried to believe him, but the corpses of the ex Ben-Hassrath in his mind made him question if that would always be true in the future. It was then that Lavellan hugged him again, but this time he let it linger. One minute passed and Bull was still unable to process what he was feeling, what Lavellan was trying to tell him. He was just there, not moving, just pressed against him. He was warm, he was there, he was real, and he was holding him tightly.  _You have me, everything will be fine._ It had been powerful enough to set him at ease.

Since then Lavellan had showed his interest in Bull, and Bull was more than happy to provide him with what he needed. It was better than he had expected, Lavellan could be a bit inexperienced in regards to what could bring pleasure in the bedroom, but he seemed to like almost everything Bull suggested and where he lacked experience he made up with enthusiasm. During those times Bull got the hugs he was accustomed to. The ones that demanded, pleaded and asked for more and the exhausted ones after they were finished. Bull still liked these a lot, but he was beginning to wonder what other kinds of hugs Lavellan was capable to giving. Actually, Bull *wanted* to know.

It shouldn't have surprised Bull to find that, after they killed their first dragon, Lavellan decided that it would be perfectly reasonable to hug everyone in the party. However, when the dragon fell Lavellan ran towards Bull first and jumped into his embrace. Bull caught him and Lavellan laughed, hugging him fiercely. The raw feeling of happiness that the hug transmitted, together with his laugh and the battle high that still hadn't completely faded made it a moment that Bull was certain he would never forget. 

Then, one day Bull was arriving at Skyhold after he had been sent away in a mission with the Chargers for over a month. He spotted Lavellan quickly enough and he grinned as Lavellan made his way down the stairs. In a couple of seconds he found himself being kissed by him in the middle of the courtyard. People stared, surprised, but quickly resumed their activities as Lavellan broke the kiss and hugged him unlike any of the other times before. Lavellan was moving his hands, one massaging his neck and the other his lower back, while his head rested on Bull's shoulder. It was intimate, but again not in a sexual way, and it would take several hours before he understood exactly what that hug was. Lavellan said that he had a surprise for him, and Bull should have known better than to doubt that he still could surprise him. When he was presented with the Necklace of Kadan, all of his doubts melted away and he knew what that hug meant.

Bull was not the kind of person who usually hugged those around him, but at that moment he decided to give one of his own to Lavellan. He laughed, bright and warm as the sun, and when he placed the necklace around Bull's neck he couldn't help but imagine that its weight was a small hug. He knew then that he was lucky to have someone that wanted to give that to him.

A permanent one that reminded him always of the person who had become his kadan and with whom he wanted to share his future with.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, my brain just came up with a new idea and suddenly this happened...  
> I am not even mad. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did :)


	34. Contemplation (M!Lavellan/Iron Bull)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Our elf Inquisitor takes an evening off from everything as he waits for Bull to return and looks towards the future.

"You're looking at your old hurts that don't hurt anymore, but they still make you feel sad. They're distant, like that memory of the halla that kept you warm when you were alone and lost, but still there. You no longer know what became of that halla, you feared that if you got lost again, that you would be truly alone. But you won't, you keep the proof of that close to your chest everyday and you do believe in it. He does as well, in a different way, but similar."

Mahanon barely moved from the roof he was laying on, used to the curious spirit appearing out of nowhere. For some reason he wasn't surprised that he appeared, even if Skyhold was now devoid of life, merely a couple of months after his decision in the Exalted Council. He had been contemplating his life up to this point. He had done so much, known so many people that he couldn't bring himself to regret the bad things that had happened to him.

Had his parents not abandoned him for being another mage in the clan... had he not seen the way mages were treated across Thedas first hand... had he not learned how to fight and learn to deceive people to escape being murdered or sent to a circle... had be not chosen to be at the Temple of Sacred Ashes to know what would be his future and somehow survived the explosion... he wouldn't have met everyone. Looking back, his life had not been easy, but it made him enjoy his current position that much more.

He remained silent, but smiled in Cole's direction. There was nothing to say to that, he was right after all. Cole had helped him a lot in the early days of the Inquisition, before the Bull entered his life, and he was grateful for that.

In some ways he thinks that he isn't quite ready to leave Skyhold. He had grown fond of it, and even if the position of Inquisitor had taken a long time to get used to, he was now free of it. However, he was also ready to move forward... after all, a friend still needs saving. Mahanon sighed, contemplating the tower that he occupied in the last three years and the mountains that surrounded it.

He heard Cole get up from the place where he had been sitting, and turned to him. "You're happy now, and I am glad. However, many people still need help. And I can help. I also enjoy our conversations, they're soothing, but they don't help you anymore." He said, and Mahanon knew what the spirit meant. Searching his pockets, Mahanon removed a pair of small halla figurines, both quite different.

"Do you remember this?" Mahanon asked, holding one of the figurines.

"Yes. I made it for you." Cole answers.

"Well, I have one for you too." Mahanon said, holding the other for Cole to grab. Cole did so and eyed it with interest. "If you ever need a friend, know that you will have one in me always. And if you ever need to talk, I will always be available."

"I know. Thank you, I might, someday." He replied, holding the figurine like it was a small injured animal. Then he added "He will arrive soon", before disappearing.

Twilight was approaching, casting shadows over the fortress and the air cooling by each passing second. Mahanon remained some more time in the roof of the small tower of the battlements before getting up and jumping down. He was happy to see that the Bull waited for him at the base of the tower. They exchanged a slow and long kiss, trying to make up for the lost months. Ever since Corypheus had been defeated and south Thedas began recovering, Mahanon found that the Chargers would (and wanted to) do more good out in the field than being idle in Skyhold. Even with Mahanon joining them when possible, he and Bull could spend months away from each other at a time.

_But no more._

"Kadan! Why am I not surprised to see you in the roof over my old room? Intending to greet me properly?" Bull asked playfully, and Mahanon smacked his arm.

"You know I do. I was just saying goodbye to this place. We leave in the morning, have all the Chargers arrived well?" Mahanon asked, opening the door to the small room. Most of the furniture in Skyhold had been already sold or disposed of, which was the main reason they weren't going to Mahanon's quarters: it was empty. He had asked Josephine to keep a bed in Bull's old room for the last night he would spend in Skyhold and in other rooms for the Chargers, and the ambassador had been more than accommodating.

"Yeah, they are trying to see if there is any ale in the tavern still. They seem to be looking forward to travelling with you again, even if Krem is dreading the nights." Bull mentioned as he closed the door behind him and approached Mahanon.

"I bet he does. Has Leliana informed you of the plans?" Mahanon asked.

"Yes. And before you ask, I do want to go with you. I don't care if you go to Tevinter or the middle of the ocean." he replied, placing his hands on Mahanon's shoulders and massaging them with intent, getting a small moan of pleasure from the elf.

"What about the Chargers?" he asked, unsure.

"It is time I put Krem in charge for a while. If we come out of that shithole alive then we see what we decide to do. We could get you a permanent spot in the Chargers, or we could find someplace to settle down." Bull offered, following Mahanon who went to bed to let Bull use his hands on him more comfortably.

"I would like that, ma vhenan." he replied.

"What? Surviving, join the Chargers or settle down?" Bull asked with a smile.

"To be with you. The rest doesn't matter." Mahanon confessed and Bull stopped for a second before leaning in and bite his neck softly.

"My pretty little elf. You have no idea how you make me feel, it surprises me every time. I swear I will never leave your side again." Bull said against his ear with the low thundering voice of his, sending a shiver down the elf's spine. This time he believed him.

Mahanon didn't know what tomorrow would bring, just the knowledge that they had friends to help them through the dark times to come. And even if that help faltered, he now trusted Bull to be there at his side at all times. _  
_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've no idea where this came from. This was meant to be just a conversation with Cole, but it seems I can't keep Bull away from a chapter :P   
> Now I kinda have the desire to write the final conversation between my Inquisitor and the rest of the inner circle...
> 
> Also, is it possible for Tumblr to eat asks? I kinda asked to be added to the adoribull sunday prompt some time ago but I haven't heard anything :/


	35. Take me (away) (M!Lavellan/Iron Bull)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In another lifetime Mahanon was just another mage in his clan.  
> In another lifetime, the Lavellan clan had one too many mages.  
> In another lifetime, Mahanon's fate didn't start at the enclave.

Mahanon forced himself to try to see better under the moonless night.

"Keeper Istimaethoriel, where are you?" he asked in Elven once he failed to see his Keeper in the dense forest.

"I am over here, follow me" he heard a voice in the distance, however he could not determine its direction. Confusion quickly set in and Mahanon stopped.

"Keeper?" he yelled, worry in his voice.

... nothing.

Mahanon could feel his heart beat fast in his chest. He had just turned 19 a few weeks ago, and while he was not the clan's First, he was probably more powerful than all the others. Him being both young and powerful made him dangerous, having burnt more things than he could remember, but he was making progress. But the fact that the clan had been "attacked" during the night, him being chosen to pursue the attackers with the clan's Keeper, and the fact that another child with magic talent had been found just the day before couldn't be just a coincidence.

A deep fear started rolling over him like water running down his body. Certainly they wouldn't have? They couldn't.

Mahanon looked around, seeing nothing but pure blackness and hearing only leafs rustling in the wind. He conjured a flame in his hand, which gave him a few meters of visibility. He had no idea where he was, where he had come from or where he should go. Keeper Istimaethoriel has also nowhere to be found.

_They did..._

By the end of the second day alone, he was exhausted. He tried to use the sun and the stars as a guide to keep moving in the same direction, but the forest seemed endless. He had already fought against two great bears and a not so small number of wolves as he moved. Because of this, his mana reserves where low, which meant that he couldn't heal most of his injuries. He also didn't sleep much the last two nights and he hadn't found any source of water to drink, so his legs threatened to give up at any moment. But he couldn't stop to rest, it would most certainly mean death.

The fact that he had started to hear voices didn't bode well either. There was no way anyone willing to help would venture into the forest, and it could also be just an hallucination from the lack of sleep. Yet, he didn't have much choice other than try to follow them. He gripped his staff as he moved when he heard the sounds of battle. Adrenaline started flowing through his veins and the everything seemed clearer.

He suddenly saw himself in a small clearing, where a group of people were trying to kill some Sylvans. He didn't study the group for long, because while they seemed capable to deal with them, they were ignoring the squirrels. Mahanon jumped into the clearing and prepared an energy barrage to try to hit as many squirrels as possible.

"Chief! The squirrels are possessed too! They're everywhere!" someone yelled. He heard a grunt coming from somewhere but he didn't dare look. He located as many squirrels as he could and released the spell, and the last of his mana with it. He heard cries of surprise all around and then exhaustion finally caught up with him, embracing the ground as it sped towards him.

*

Mahanon groaned as he shifted. He felt sore, but he could tell that he had some sort of bandages around parts of him and that he laid on a comfortable bed. Memories of the past couple of days rushed through his head suddenly, and he made a desperate effort to sit upright in what he assumed was a tent.

"You're alright?" he heard, and Mahanon jerked to see who had spoken and crawled away. There was a man right next to him that he had failed to notice somehow. He was huge, with horns as wide as his shoulders and he had apparently been laying to his side.

"Can you understand what I am saying? You don't have to fear me, in fact I want to thank you for handling those pesky squirrels." the man said. He was speaking trade, and while Mahanon was not very fluent in it, he could maintain some level of conversation with it. The Lavellan clan did trade with humans, after all. But this man was no human, in fact he was nothing that he had ever seen. Still, he nodded.

"Alright, my name is The Iron Bull, leader of the Bull's Chargers mercenary company. You collapsed right after you cast that spell and we brought you to our camp to tend to your wounds. You were in a pretty bad shape." Bull said. Mahanon could tell that the man was expecting some sort of explanation, and he thought that he owed him that much.

"I am mage." he said in a somewhat broken trade. "Clan got too many mages. I am exiled. Two nights ago." he said and Mahanon broke into tears. Not soon after he found himself being embraced by huge arms and he simply didn't care what he would do to him.

"Hey beautiful. It's going to be alright." Bull said as he pulled the elf into his lap. Seeing another person in such a vulnerable state always got to him, and even if this one was a mage, he found that he didn't care. At least not after he had just came south and met Dalish. He slowly traced his fingers across the smooth black hair that ran across the elf's back. Soon the elf's breathing returned to normal and the crying reverted back to the occasional sob.

"I hope you don't mind sleeping next to me, we are literally in the middle of nowhere and all the tents are we brought are being used. Mine was the only one that had the space only making anyone uncomfortable." Bull added after he felt the elf relaxing further.

"No. That's alright. Not the first time." he said, backing away a little to look at his saviour. "Name is Mahanon Lavell... well, just Mahanon." he added, and he had to fight back another urge to cry at the realization that he had just lost part of his identity again. "Will you send me to the templars?" he asked. Bull's heart tightened at that.

_Krem is going to kill me..._

"Not if you want to. Is there any option for you to take? Join another clan?" Bull asked, but from past conversation with Dalish he knew that it was not a possibility from the start if he had been left in the wilderness. Joining a human village will give him a very hard life and he would end up being most likely found by templars. Mahanon's head shake confirmed it.

"Well, why don't you stay with us for a while? See how you can handle dangerous situations. But if what you did is of any indication and if my boys end up liking you... I could give you a position within the Chargers, if you'd like." Bull proposed. He also attempted a smile seeing Mahanon perk up at the suggestion.

"What will I do?" Mahanon asked, apprehensive.

"First, we teach you proper trade. Then you help us with any job we get and you get paid. We like to spend the night at a tavern if we can to have a good time drinking and singing. We're a weird sort of family, but still a family" Bull said. He knew it was what Mahanon needed, a family, a place where he was accepted for who he was without fear of being left out. He and his boys could give him that.

Mahanon raised a hand to Bull's arm and started stroking a scar that ran across his bicep as he was thinking about it. Then he looked up and said "Ma melava halani, Ir tel'him. Ma serannas."

Bull was fluent in many languages, but Elven was not one of them. However, he could deduce that the elf was grateful by how he reacted. "Do you want anything to eat? We have some stew prepared." Bull said, meaning to get up and get some for his new friend, but Mahanon hugged him in an attempt to keep him from going. Bull waited and eventually the elf backed away while looking down with a blush on his face and hears.  _Cute._

"I am sorry. You will come back?" he asked, hoping that he didn't cross the line.

"I don't even have to leave." Bull answered, turning towards the entrance of the tent. "Krem! Bring a bowl of stew and something to drink for our elf friend here, will you?" he yelled, making said elf flinch slightly. Not soon after he heard "Yes, chief!" in reply.

In the couple of minutes that Krem took to bring the stew, Bull helped Mahanon get comfortable in the bedroll he was in with a couple more pillows so he could eat easily. When Krem arrived, he looked the elf over and smiled but he frowned when he looked at Bull, who had a pleading look to him.

Krem rolled his eyes and just stated "You pick up all the strays, Chief." Bull laughed softly, as well as Mahanon. Krem sighed but smiled at the elf. "Well, as the second in command and the only responsible person in the company, I welcome you to our little dysfunctional family. Name's Krem" he said, raising a hand towards the elf to greet him.

"Mahanon. Thank you." he replied, returning the gesture.

"Well, good job with those squirrels. I seriously thought I was going to lose some fingers there." Krem said, turning to Bull then. "I'll let the others know. You just keep him company." he added, noticing the way Mahanon clinged to Bull's side.

Krem would tease the life out of him about it, Bull was sure. But looking at the happy elf next to him made him consider it worth the annoyance. Mahanon looked at him a moment later and wrapped a hand around his arm, drinking the rest of the stew carefully as a light blush colored his cheeks.

Actually, Bull was beginning to feel like he wouldn't mind it at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since I lost over half a chapter for my "All that glitters is not gold" fic and I had to rewrite it, I found myself unable to find the words to continue where it stands (what I have should be enough for a chapter, but I don't want to leave it where it is).  
> So, I decided to write this small chapter to try to overcome my current block.
> 
> Also, I decided to join the list of writers for the adoribull sunday prompts. I am still waiting for confirmation, but hopefully I'll join the ranks of all those skilled writers and contribute a bit more to this fantastic fandom.
> 
> By the way, Mahanon's broken trade speech is intentional.  
> Translation:  
> "Ma melava halani, Ir tel'him. Ma serannas": You helped me, I'm me again. Thank you.


	36. Just words (Dorian Pavus/Iron Bull)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They're just words, Dorian knows, but hearing them affects him more than he cares to admit.

"And then he swings his staff in midair, throwing the ice magic crap at her and hitting right where I had broken the scales." Bull retold the story again late into the night during a dragon kill celebration. He had gotten particularly drunk this time, but Dorian liked to see this much more unrestrained side of Bull, despite Dorian being referenced in the story just as much as the dragon herself. Not that it mattered much now, seeing that their only audience was a sleeping Cole.

Bull downed the rest of his ale and threw his arm around the mage's shoulders. Dorian tensed immediately, and while Bull would normally have noticed and made something to make Dorian relax, tonight he was too far gone. The gesture was something that could have been seen as something friendly, if Bull hadn't placed his face against Dorian's hair. Dorian looked around, but saw that no one was paying particular interest to them except Sera, who winked, stuck her tongue out and turned around to continue her conversation with Evelyn. Dorian knew that everyone already knew about them, but the old Tevinter fears were still rooted deep within him. Dorian forced himself to relax.

"You smell nice Dorian." Bull said. "The way you battled that dragon... hmmm Ataaaaashiiiii" Bull slurred.

"You're drunk, Bull. You should go to bed." Dorian stated, blushing slightly at the compliment.

"You're drunk too." Bull countered.

"Well, yes, but that's besides the point. I'm used to it, you on the other hand... I've never seen you so drunk." Dorian commented while he questioned himself if negotiating with a completely wasted Bull was possible.

"If I go and find a little dragon slayer in my bed, I might." he smirked before getting his contemplating face he put on as he imagined something. "Yes, my Kadan, dragon slayer. I like that. Do you like that?" Bull asked. Dorian's wasn't particularly fond of the title, so he decided to answer with a noncommittal noise.

"What is that word that humans use to show that they care deeply for another?" Bull asked then, slightly louder than Dorian would have liked. A passing waitress looked over and shrugged "You mean, love?". Dorian froze on the spot.

"Yes! Your knowledge knows no bounds. Here." Bull stated, throwing a coin in her direction. She pocketed it and threw him a kiss before moving to another table.

"What was I going to say? Oh yeah. I want you to know, Dorian, that I fucking love you. You'll always be my Kadan." Bull declared loudly. Dorian was sure that everyone had heard it. Trying not to look at anyone, Dorian replied softly as he got up.

"Yes, thank you for the evening but I feel myself quite exhausted. I fear I have to retire for the night. Lot's of work tomorrow and all that". After Dorian had finished he silently escaped Bull's grasp and disappeared into the night. Bull frowned for a moment, but before he could go after his mage his lieutenant approached him.

"Now you've done it." Krem stated with a worried look.

"What? It was the truth. Now, let me go after my Kadan." Bull replied, failing to understand the problem in his haze.

"You're in no state to go after anyone." Krem replied, but stepped away when his chief growled loudly. However, as soon as Bull stood his head seemed heavier than usual, throwing him off balance and falling on the floor, completely passed out. Krem shook his head and called the rest of the Chargers to help him carry their chief up the stairs to his room.

*

The next morning, Bull cursed himself for having drunk so much. He didn't remember anything and he his head hurt like he had been stomped over by a herd of Druffalos. After losing the Qun he had indulged himself more and getting drunker, but he was starting to feel like he had to put limits on himself for the future. Noticing the pitcher with water near his bed, he reminded himself to thank the one responsible as he drank the entire thing in one go.

Not feeling particularly better, he got up, put on his pants, harness and boots and exited down the tavern. There, a very concerned Krem awaited him.

"Did something happen?" he asked Krem.

"Only that you got completely drunk yesterday." Krem replied, but the lack of a smile sent shivers down his spine.

"I did something, didn't I?" Bull asked, and the fact that Dorian was not in his bed suddenly raised some red flags in his mind. It was still not uncommon for the mage to slip away in the morning, but he felt like he hadn't been in his bed at all.

"Oh, you just declared your undying love for a certain 'Vint to every person in the tavern." Krem stated.  _  
_

"Please tell that I didn't go after him and made things worse." Bull asked. While what he had said was not a lie, he knew that Dorian was not ready to hear it.  _Vashedan. I am better than this._

"I was afraid of that as well, but you passed out on the floor as soon as you stood up. You might want to be careful around him today." Krem suggested and Bull let out a sigh that he was holding.

"I know. Thank you Krem, you're a lifesaver." Bull stated, patting his on the shoulder before greeting the rest of his company and heading towards Skyhold's library.

If there was one thing he liked about the library right now, is that it only had one exit, so when he passed by Solas and went into the small staircase, he knew Dorian could not flee. Dorian seemed to know this, as he did not attempt it. Instead, he ignored the horned giant completely and continued reading and taking notes.

"Hey, hmmm Dorian?" Bull prodded. Dorian didn't even glance in his direction, but he did reply.

"So eloquent. Is there anything you need?" he asked.

"Say, you don't want to go somewhere a bit more private? I've been told that I might have said something yesterday that might have upset you and I wanted to talk it out." Bull offered. This time Dorian glanced at him and must have seen something in Bull's face because he sighed heavily.

"If we must." Dorian stated, raising from his chair after closing his books and leading the way down the stairs towards his room above the gardens.

"This should be as private as we can get in Skyhold, if you do not count the tavern by your standards. What did you want to say, then?" Dorian asked, sitting on his chair. Bull approached his bed but remained standing.

"I wanted to apologize for what I've said yesterday. I understand if you're upset." Bull said. He regretted it immediately after seeing Dorian's face disfigure with hurt before he raised his walls and settled on a blank expression.

"I see." Dorian said, rising slowly from his chair. "Don't worry, I accept your apology. Now, I've a lot of work to do, so I'd like to be left alone." Dorian stated, moving towards the door and opening it, gesturing for Bull to leave.

"No." Bull declared and anger flared in Dorian.

"What do you mean, no? You've made your point perfectly clear, you didn't mean what you said yesterday. You just wanted to everyone to think you've conquered another person here-"

"I meant to apologize for having said it without you being ready to hear it. To have said it completely drunk and not remember it. But it doesn't make it less true. You ARE my Kadan, and if that equates to love, then I will say it again as many times as you need it until you believe it. I love you, Dorian." Bull confessed, interrupting Dorian, but part of him was screaming that Dorian had wanted to finish things moments ago. He was not one to push, but now he knew that Dorian needed to know what he wanted out of their relationship. He would still give him the choice, however. "But if you want to end things... it is not what I want it to end but, if you still wish that I will leave."

Dorian was visibly shaken, but he did move towards him and punched Bull in the face before hugging him. It hurt, but he had taken worse, and if it meant that Dorian would stay with him then it would be worth it.

"Don't you ever do something like that again... I seriously thought you were just toying with me." Dorian stuttered, and Bull could feel something wet run down his shoulder. Bull ran his hand up and down Dorian's spine, trying to soothe him. There were no words that could express how he felt right now.

"As it so happens" Dorian said softly, chuckling a little, "I may also be in love with you".

Bull felt a wave of relief crash upon him, not having realized that he had wanted to hear that from his Kadan. They stayed in silence for a few moments, absorbing the importance of the moment before Bull decided to move things along.

"How important is that you return to your work right now?" Bull asked, dropping his hand to Dorian's ass.

"You beast! We were having a moment there." Dorian complained with no real heat to his accusation. "But if you must know, it is nothing that I can't do in the afternoon."

"Good, because I want to show you just how much I love you after waking up alone today, Kadan." Bull said, letting Dorian back away from the hug and giving him an handkerchief to clean his face. Dorian smiled brightly at him before turning it into a smug smirk.

"What you want is to fuck me senseless. And I find myself in no position to disagree." he said.

"That's part of it, alright. After all I still haven't had my taarsidath-an halsaam." Bull agreed, starting to undo the many buckles in his mage's clothes while he nibbled at his ear.

"What will be the other part?" Dorian asked, moaning freely at the feeling of having Bull all over him.

"You'll see soon enough. I am sure you'll enjoy it." Bull offered, pushing the thought of the dragon tooth currently in his bag out of his mind to focus on the willing mage in his lap. He would have to talk to Dagna sooner than he had expected.

*

When Krem went to check if his chief was still alive later that day, many librarians stated that he and Dorian Pavus had left in the morning, and that he mage in question had not returned to the library after that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The return of the fluff!  
> Just another random idea that came to mind. This was supposed to be really short, but it seems that I am incapable of writing anything with fewer than 1000 words now. I'd better get back to my other fics soon.
> 
> What I wouldn't give to have someone like Bull in my life...


	37. Pillar of my life (Dorian Pavus/Iron Bull)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bull is lost in his own mind, Evelyn is concerned and Dorian is sent to the rescue.

The Inquisitor had just arrived from the Storm Coast.

It was not common for Dorian to wait for the Evelyn upon her return from one of her outings, seeing as most of the times he would be in her party when that happened, but this mission to the Storm Coast was one he was not welcome in considering that the Qunari were involved.

So, it was mere coincidence that he was passing by the entrance hall when he heard Varric talking to himself near the doors, looking down. "Danm... Tiny looks like crap."

Dorian frowned, as he had never heard Varric talk about Bull that way before. Certainly, Bull had looked worse for wear sometimes after weeks out in the wilds battling red templars, bears and whatever else was thrown their way, but Bull was always joking with Varric when he was present or flirting with someone. That someone was almost always Dorian, but he figured that it was because Bull liked the way he made himself uninterested or flustered, even if his 'open door policy' had seemed genuine when he proposed it. In fact, the only times Varric said something like that was indicative of something very wrong.

"What do you mean?" Dorian asked, revealing a concerning expression when Varric turned his head.

"Let's just say that Tiny looked that he needed a shoulder to cry on." Varric stated, walking back to his usual spot within the great hall.

"Do you think someone should go to him?" Dorian asked, slightly concerned himself to his surprise.

"Probably. I know I am not going, the last person he needs right now is me." Varric said. Dorian acknowledged with a nod and went through the door leading to the library.

Dorian, however, made his way to the balcony on the upper floor and after giving a soft nod to Vivienne, studied the courtyard. He saw Evelyn coming up the steps towards the great hall, probably to go update her advisers before going to rest seeing as Cullen was making his way towards the great hall as well. There was no sign of Bull or the Chargers already.

Sighing, Dorian went back to his spot in the library, only to see Evelyn asking one of the librarians for him.

"You needed me, Evelyn?" Dorian politely asked, seeing that she looked as concerned as Varric had, if not more.

"You must go see if you can get to Bull. The whole trip back he barely said a word." Evelyn explained.

"Why me? I'm the last person in this place with any experience in comforting others, if that's what Bull needs." Dorian stated.

"Really? You haven't noticed at all? He cares about you, Dorian. A whole lot more than the Qun would have allowed, and yet he tried. He his not a bad person, and he is going through a bad time right now. The only people Bull has said a word to was one of his Chargers, and it was barely more than a short sentence." Evelyn said, taking one of Dorian's hands into her own. Dorian looked away.

"He was just flirting. That's what he does. No Qunari would ever be serious about actually being interested in a Tevinter mage unless he wanted to capture him." Dorian blatantly said, pulling his hand free and walking towards the window.

"He does care, Dorian. And nothing he told you was just playful flirting, I am sure. I didn't want to put myself in the matter, but he does like you, and that's why I am asking this of you. Please." Evelyn pleaded.

"If he cares so much about us non-Qunari and you're so sure, then prove it!" Dorian almost yelled back to her before looking out the window again, making a serious effort to keep his voice low but unable to not lash out at her. He had wanted to take up on Bull's offer before, but he had always restrained himself. It had to be a trap, there was no way his intentions were good, even if everything said otherwise.

"He sacrificed his place within the Qun to save the Chargers, Dorian." Evelyn now said with a serious tone. It was clear that she wanted Dorian to know how serious it had been. Dorian's brain, however, stopped working.

"What?" he muttered, looking back at her now, completely confused.

"He is Tal-Vashoth now." he heard Evelyn say before he started walking without thinking. Evelyn must have known that she had convinced him as she didn't stop him.

When his brain started working again he found himself already knocking on Bull's door from the battlements. When he got no reply, he hesitantly decided to try to open the door. To his surprise the door opened.

The room was cold, the late evening sun pouring through a hole in the roof and for a moment Dorian stared at it in disbelief that he was in Bull's actual room. He would have questioned it further had he not seen Bull sitting at his bed, head down and arms resting on his legs with his hands hanging lifeless in front of him.

"Bull?" Dorian asked, not knowing what to say. He frowned when he heard Bull laugh, the reaction so contradictory to what he was seeing. Bull raised his head and he found no smile on his face. In fact, he could for the first time read actual emotions on his face. It was a mix of sadness, fear and despair. He was completely lost.

"You chose a bad day to come. I don't think I will be able to keep my promise tonight..." Bull said slowly, devoid of the usual cheery tone Dorian had learnt to associate with the man. It sent shivers don't Dorian's spine. No, this won't do at all.

"You think that the only reason I came here for was to take you on your..." Dorian lost track of what he was going to say seeing as Bull didn't react. He sighed before he asked "May I sit next to you?"

Bull was slow to reply, but eventually shifted slightly to his right, which was indication enough for Dorian to sit next to him.

Looking down at the floor, Dorian continued "Evelyn told me what happened."

"Dorian..." Bull warned.

"I knew you wouldn't want to talk about it. I understand the feeling, I really do, but I only need you to hear me out for a few minutes. Then I will leave you alone." Dorian said. Noticing that Bull didn't object, he started.

"Once, there was a boy in a distant land. This buy was the pride of his parents: talented, intelligent, et cetera, et cetera." Dorian paused a few seconds to build the will to continue.

"He was taught as he trained, and soon he was one of the most powerful mages in his family. There was only one small matter that needed to be addressed before his parents were satisfied."

"Marriage" Bull pointed out, looking sideways at him. He seemed to try to figure out what Dorian wanted to prove. Dorian nodded and looked up at the sky though the hole in the roof, which was now beginning to turn darker.

"Yes. However, the boy refused the lady chosen for him, causing tremendous grief to his parents for not carrying out the legacy of his name." Dorian added.

"And so he left his old life behind" Bull guessed.

"Not quite. Even if he wished for a partner that he could never have, he still loved his country. He loved its culture, its history, and so he wanted to make a difference. Make it a better place." Dorian corrected, and took a shaky breath to prepare himself for what he was going to say next.

"However, his father devised a plan to make him... amenable... to marriage. You know what can be done to change a person's mind against his will." Dorian confesses.

"Dorian..." Bull said, now a question as he moves one hand to rest on Dorian's shoulder. Dorian just raises his hand dismissively "It's fine Bull, I've accepted what happened, but I haven't finished yet, please listen." Bull kept his hand on Dorian's shoulder but stayed silent, waiting for Dorian to continue.

"When the boy learned of what his father wanted to do, he fled. He left everything behind: his parents, his few friends, and the country he both loved and hated. While he was alone in the wilderness, he sold his birthright to be able to survive." Dorian said, feeling Bull's hand tightening on his shoulder.

"And that boy still managed to find about an evil cult from his country, learn about it, and later join an organization trying to save the world." Bull concluded.

"Well, yes, and my point is this. I had a duty to perform, but it was one I didn't agree on. I chose to leave that life behind, and find a new one here. I... I can say that I made new friends, friends that care about me and that I care about. I would happily give my life for any of them, not because someone said it was my duty, but because I decided it." Dorian explained, and Bull tensed slightly, turning his head completely to look at him. Dorian decided to return the gaze as he finished.

"You also made a decision today. You chose to save your men over your position within the Qun. You have nothing to feel bad about." Dorian concluded. Bull shook his head in denial.

"You don't understand, Dorian. Without the Qun I can become a savage. I fought enough Tal-Vashoth to know what happens." Bull countered. Suddenly Dorian knew what was afflicting Bull. It was fear. Fear of madness.

"No, you won't. And you're not Tal-Vashoth, not really." Dorian said, and Bull almost seemed to laugh sarcastically, but Dorian pressed his point. "It was not for yourself that you did it, not to attack the Qun, not to make a point, but to save the lives of the people that did nothing but follow you and trust you for the last five years. I don't know about you, but I doubt many Tal-Vashoth fit that description, and I would bet my life that those who do did not become savages." Dorian took the frown on Bull's face as a hint that Bull was actually considering what he had just said.

"You will not succumb to madness, Bull. Not while you have your Chargers and other people that care for you." Dorian finished, placing his hand unconsciously over Bull's hand that was still on his shoulder.

A slow smile crept on Bull's face in the following moments before he replied. "Thank you Dorian. That... actually helped."

In that moment Dorian realized he was still touching Bull's hand and leaped from the bed suddenly and trying to hide the blush that he could feel spreading on his face. "Well, I am glad I was able to help. If you need anything I'll-"

"Would you please stay a few hours? I would appreciate the company tonight." Bull asked, his hand still retreating slowly from where Dorian's shoulder had been. Dorian turned to him and tried to hide his surprise look.

Bull removed his brace and leather harness, laying down on the bed. "Would you read me a book? I have some on the table over there, any will do." he asked, surprising Dorian even more. He did not, however, question it and did as Bull asked, sitting on the bed near the candle that he set aflame with a flick of his wrist and began reading.

He did not focus on the words Dorian was saying but instead in the way that his voice was soothing. He noticed that the feeling he had for Dorian up until now had just turned warm in his chest, and decided to ignore it for now. He must have nodded off while Dorian was reading, because when he opened his eyes again the room was dark and silent. However, he could feel Dorian's weight on him. Looking at Dorian, he had the book opened in the middle of his chest as he slept, his head resting on Bull's belly and drooling a little.

Bull took the book and placed it on the ground next to the bed. Collecting the mage with his hands, he placed him next to himself, throwing a cover over them both. Dorian protested in his sleep, but Bull had been careful as to not wake him. Feeling the warm man next to him, Dorian threw an arm over Bull and squirmed closer to him to get more comfortable. Dorian's story made him see Dorian in a new light, and as long as the mage would allow him to help he would do everything in his power to make him happy.

He had envisioned a sleepless light after the day's events, and instead he found himself with something precious he wanted to protect in his arms. It would be difficult, but Bull could take things slowly for him if he wanted to give them a try. Stroking Dorian's back, he found himself drifting again into a dreamless sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hurt/Comfort after Bull's personal quest on the Storm Coast, because I needed it. Also not beta'd.  
> I regret nothing.
> 
> Quick update: I'm drowning in work right now, hence the lack the updates on my works. I'll try to work on ATGING up to and during the holidays as much as I can. I have a couple of other stories I want to explore after that one and I wanted to finish it as soon as possible. Other than that, have a nice day!


	38. Misread (M!Lavellan/Iron Bull)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everything seemed to have gone well with Lavellan until he asks Bull to go with him to his quarters. Did Bull miss something about the elf?

Bull enjoyed giving others what they needed.

_No._

Giving others what they needed was something that Bull was compelled to do, and his ability as a Ben-Hassrath just made it easier for Bull to know what that need was.

_And yet... he messed up._

He couldn't place exactly what it had been that he did wrong. Lavellan had made very clear that he was interested in him, and while before it would have been... complicated to answer the elf advances, he thought that he had nothing to lose. And Lavellan has a thing of beauty. His raven black hair, which reached between his shoulder blades in a thin pony-tail, contrasted his light skin tone perfectly. His dark blue vallaslin, which represented some Elven god he was not familiar with, complemented his midnight blue eyes. He also possessed a low, melodic voice that he could hear for hours (do not let him get started on his smile, it could melt the coldest of hearts). He also liked that he was very laid back and went to the tavern quite often to drink. He had even been seen doing pranks with Sera once. All this while taking his role as Inquisitor to the best of his abilities.

However, he could see that his role was slowly putting more and more pressure on him. Bull knew what he needed, and so he provided him with the option.

He had almost expected him to refuse after waiting for him on his room last night and showing him exactly what he had been asked, but he did not. Lavellan was like that, all determination and stubbornness. What he did not expect, though, was that he would have liked to have sex with him so much. In fact, Lavellan seemed to be just the perfect partner for him. He was very inexperienced, but he was a quick learner and he seemed to like Bull to take the lead and show him all the possibilities. Not only lead, he _trusted_ him completely, and that realization was still making him hard every time he remembered it. Also, he was very flexible, which gave him quite a lot of new ideas.

When Lavellan did not come down for breakfast he did not think much of it. He  _had_ taken quite a lot last night. However, when he saw the elf enter the tavern he knew that something had happened. Lavellan had a very polite mask on, the one he used when talking to nobles and such, when he approached Bull and asked him to follow him back to his quarters. Lavellan did not look at him in the eye, and Bull could just think that he may have messed up something, maybe pushed too far... he only knew that his heart was beating fast and he had to restrain himself from shaking. He had only felt this a couple of times in the past, the most recent being when his Chargers were at the brink of death.  _Fear_. He didn't want to lose Lavellan, Bull realized, as he watched Lavellan move to window without looking at him.

"What's going on, boss?" Bull asked carefully, trying to sound nonchalant. Lavellan took a deep breath before giving him a quick glance and replying.

"We need to talk about what happened between us." he said. Was that pain in his voice?

"Oh, that. Sure. What's on your mind?" Bull asked. Even knowing where this was going, he held to some bit of hope that he was wrong.

"I'm not sure about it. I don't think this will work, but... I really did enjoy what we did last night. So, let me ask you. What do you want us to be?" Lavellan asked, turning now to look at him. He had a pleading look in his eyes, and Bull also noticed that he had closed his fist. He had to give the right answer if he didn't want to lose him for good. But he still didn't know what he had done wrong to the elf.  _Shit_.

"We can be whatever you need us to be." Bull said, and saw Lavellan frown. Wrong answer, better to just be true to myself and let him decide whether he wants him or not. "Look, if you want to keep his casual, no strings attached kind of deal, that's fine. But if you want to make this something more, that's fine too." Bull adds before Lavellan replies to his first answer. The elf paused before taking a step forward towards Bull.

"And what do _YOU_ want? You told me yourself that Qunari do not do relationships, and yet to came to me after knowing that I didn't have anyone in my clan with the same inclinations as me. I thought you actually wanted to have something serious, now that you are no longer bound by the rules of the Qun, but it seems that I was wrong." Lavellan almost yells, wiping some tears from his eyes, taking Bull somewhat by surprise. Having him direct his anger and frustration at him was a first, and while he usually takes it from anyone to let them feel better, this time it almost felt like he was being stabbed by a knife in the middle of his chest.

"If you want to a relationship, a serious one, then we can try. I'm don't know much about it, but if there's anyone I'd like to try it with, it is you." Bull tried to argue, but Lavellan was shaking harder now.

"THEN WHY DID YOU LEAVE?" Lavellan yelled at him, and Bull himself taking a step backward and raising his hands involuntarily.  _That's the reason? I didn't even think that... oh, I'm an idiot._

"Can you even imagine what it was to grow up to have just some one night stand encounters with Humans at an inn and wake up alone and unwanted? I did so again this morning, Bull. I thought... I thought that you would have understood that. That I needed not only just sex, but to try to see if you could be that person that I've been looking for my whole life. Someone with whom I could be myself and not be judged for it." Lavellan confessed. He looked at Bull with red eyes from crying, but Bull could see in them the truth that Lavellan had just told him and that he had just figured out. He couldn't just leave the man in this state.

"It was not my intention to let you down. I just thought that you would have slept better with the bed just for you. I failed to realize what you truly needed. Would you give me a second chance?" Bull asked, holding his breath.

"Well" Lavellan began, wiping the last tears from his face "I don't really like to give second chances in these matters, but Mythal protect me if I don't fucking love you. Don't make me regret this." Lavellan said and found himself being pulled close to the larger man, who kissed him passionately.

"I don't intend on it, Kadan." Bull said afterwards with a big smile, scooping the elf off the ground and bringing him to the bed.

*

In the next morning, Lavellan found himself tucked next to Bull, who had an arm wrapped around him to keep him close. The world may be ending, but now Lavellan thought that he could face anything. Maybe not now though... nothing sort of a yelling Josephine would drag him out of the bed for the next couple hours.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for disappearing for a few weeks, with the work and classes my days have been fairly full.  
> Anyway, here's another chapter (written in a couple of hours) while I'm working on the next chapter of ATGING. While I understand why Bull left on his first night with the Inquisitor, I always thought about one Inquisitor that would take it badly to the fact that Bull did not stay. Hence this short chapter. Enjoy!


	39. Notion of Self (Male!Adaar/The Iron Bull)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Qunari call him Vashoth, since he was born outside the Qun.  
> The Humans call him Qunari, since he looks just like one of them.  
> The Tal-Vashoth think he is just like a human, since he has never fled from the Qun.  
> Adaar thinks that he doesn't belong anywhere, that no one cares. Then people start calling him the Herald of Andraste, and it becomes too much.

_You're not Qunari, not really._

The words still ringed through the air, said mechanically and without thinking, which was a really bad thing to do given that he was a spy, and even worse when Bull also had immediately regretted them. Adaar had flinched away from him, as if stabbed by some invisible force.

"I... yes. You're right." Adaar said before turning away and leaving in a rushed pace.

"Boss, wait! I didn't mean that." Bull said, going after him.

"There's no use lying to me, Bull. Of course you did." Adaar said, almost yelling from where he was before he turned around the gate and disappeared among the shadows. His tone made Bull's heart want to leap out of his chest in worry.

Bull spent a long time trying to find Adaar. He had caused him to become upset, and he needed to know why, and how he could fix it.

After asking the weird elf Solas, Varric and even trying his luck with Cassandra to see if he had left Haven, he decided to try inside the Chantry. It was the last place he'd think Adaar would go, and the more he thought about it the more he realized he should have gone there first. However, he was not in the main hall, in Josephine's room - who told him that she hadn't seen him - or in the war room. There was another option, though.

Opening the door to what he assumed would be the prison, he was immediately rewarded with the sound of something hitting stone, following by a grunt that could only have belonged to Adaar. Moving down the stairs, he heard the same sound a couple more times before he was greeted by a sight that made his eyes widen.

Adaar was holding himself against the wall, his forehead bloodied from repeated strikes against it. While his face showed anger, his cheeks were wet from tears that were falling constantly to the floor.

"Adaar?" Bull asked, opting to use his name instead of the title.

Adaar, however, didn't look at him when he replied. "What do you want Bull? I'm nothing but just worthless human in your eyes." His voice was overflowing with pain, punching the wall with his right fist. It was clear that he was trying to hide one pain with another.

"Hey." Bull called softly. "You are not worthless." Bull said equally softly, taking a few steps towards him at a time.

"Then what am I?" Adaar suddenly yelled, turning around and resting his back on the wall, sliding to the floor as his ram line horns scrapped along it. Bull made it to Adaar side.

"You are who you chose to be. When I came south, I didn't know exactly who I was either, and I decided I wanted to be The Iron Bull. You don't have to be who the others think you should, but rather who you want to be. Do that, being true to yourself, and everything will be better." Bull explained, tentatively placing a hand over Adaar's shoulder. Adaar tensed with the contact, but did not pull away, which Bull noted as a good sign.

"And what if I can't do it? Decide who I want to be? I've been living in a world where everyone tells me that I'm either Qunari, Tal-Vashoth or even like a Human." Adaar asked, wiping his tears away only to smudge his face with some blood from his hands.

"I'll be at your side. It won't be easy, finding oneself is not always what you expected it to be, but it helps in the long run. Know that whatever you decide you are, I will respect you. And that won't ever change" Bull said, some of his own doubts about himself surfacing, but he pushed them away quickly. Adaar needed him now.

Seeing that Adaar would remain silent, Bull sat next to him and placed an arm over his shoulders. Adaar turned to face him and hid his face on the other man's neck, starting to cry again. "I'm just so tired of never being good enough for anyone. I'm not the damned Champion of Kirkwall, I'm not the Herald of Andraste, I'm not..." Adaar voice broke as he hugged Bull.

"I know" Bull said and repeated several times, hugging Adaar back trying to comfort him, with him relaxing slowly each time the two words were said like a prayer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to dwell on some angst for the first time in ages. Because why not?  
> This is a small one just to break the lack of updates, but I hope it was a good one. Let me know!

**Author's Note:**

> If you want to ask me anything (or even give a prompt), I've a [tumblr](http://sabexbem.tumblr.com) and I promise I will always reply within a couple of days! If I don't then assume I didn't receive it and please send it again. I promise I won't bite :)


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